Friends and Memories
by Dreaming-Of-A-Nightmare
Summary: Everytime he thinks about or is with Axel, the visions occur. Always faded and vague, like a memory. Why do they make him feel this way? .:. AkuRoku, AU-ish, rated for swearing and citrus lining. NEWLY EDITED.
1. Up Late At Night

"Man, you're no fun, Rox-kun. You gotta learn to lighten up."

"That's not it; I just have too much shit stuffed into my head."

"Well then how 'bout we empty it out?" the spiky redhead said, grabbing the younger blonde boy into a headlock, giving him an affectionate noogie.

But the noogie brought a vision, blurred and faded, into Roxas's mind: a beach, a boy with silver hair and teal eyes, and a different noogie from a long time ago, like months and months, perhaps a year. It was all from one perspective, from the person receiving the silver-haired boy's noogie-victim. Hair whipped into his face … but it was brown. Roxas wasn't a brunette. He could almost hear laughing, almost see the silver-haired boy's smile. …

"Ow, ahh, OUCH!" Roxas said, pulling away from Axel's grip and holding his head. The vision – or memory, or whatever it was – made a painful skull-splitting sensation cut through Roxas's brain.

"I-I didn't noogie you that hard, aibou." Axel said, the amusement leaving his face. "Are you okay?"

"I … I'm fine."

"What was that all about?" his best friend asked, a little worried on the inside, but trying to laugh it off on the outside.

The blonde didn't reply, only started to walk down Twilight Town's cobblestone streets. The sun overhead was setting – or rising? – like it always does. Twilight Town is named what it is for a reason, and Roxas hadn't thought about it until now that it was _always _twilight; always the colors of orange, yellow, and pink, which gave it it's name. Roxas sighed, because he knew these thoughts weren't his; they were just filler thoughts, just something he was trying to think of to keep his mind off what the meaning of that strange, random vision was.

"Roxas?"

Number XIII stopped walking and slowly turned to the spiky redhead. "Yeah?"

Axel hesitated, unsure how to approach this. He wanted to ask what was wrong, wanted to know if he could help, wanted to make sure that everything was all right with the younger boy. He knew that if he tried, Roxas probably wouldn't tell him; he was just that way. So in the end, his better judgment passed up his wants. He only stated, "Nothing, I just wanted to know if you wanted to go back to the base now."

Roxas frowned, knowing his friend well enough to realize that this wasn't at all what he wanted to say. Regardless, he replied: "Sure, let's go back."

* * *

That night, Roxas lay awake in bed, unable to sleep. His body slowly started to feel cold, so he wrapped his blankets up closer to his chin. Shivering, he rolled over onto his side, closing his eyes.

Behind his lids he saw a different night, crisp and cool. He could see out a window at a beach, the same one from the earlier vision. He realized that he way laying down on a bed, still fully clothed, staring out the window; but he saw something in the darkness, something out the window that resembled one of the portals the Organization uses. He could feel his body getting up and running, calling out someone's name. …

Roxas's eyes burst open. He jerked up into sitting position. "Another vision?" he whispered to himself.

Roxas pinched in between his eyes, squeezing them shut while doing so; the tiny vision seemed to drag along another headache with it. He chuckled darkly. "Am I losing my mind, or what?" he re-opened his eyes and looked up to the black ceiling of his bedroom.

Tossing off the bedcovers, Roxas sat on the edge, looking at the door. "If I can't sleep, I might as well do _something_," he muttered, "Only … _what's_ there to do in the middle of the night?"

The blonde sighed and stood up, walking across the white-carpeted floor. After turning the silver knob and opening the painted white wooden door, Roxas's bare feet hit the cold linoleum tiles of the hallway. Peering down the hallway Roxas could see a small, vague light to the right. His room was the last in the west corridor, which means that it was coming from downstairs in the main hall.

"Heh," Roxas chuckled, "Seems like someone else besides me is having sleeping problems."


	2. Talking

"Heh, seems like someone else besides me is having sleeping problems." Roxas chuckled lowly to himself as he slipped out of his bedroom door.

He walked down Castle Oblivion's white tiled hallway, heading to the stairs. Now that he thought about it, he was hungry; which is expected late at night, hours since when he last ate.

_Might as well go into the kitchen for a snack, I guess, _he thought to himself. _Who knows, maybe whoever else is awake is in there, too._

After jogging down two long staircases, Roxas turned left towards the giant kitchen on the middle level. When he got inside, he saw someone in their pajamas standing in front of the fridge, peering inside. The light of the fridge wasn't the only light on, but it was still rather dark.

"Hey," said Roxas, but the person didn't turn around at first. The blonde rolled his eyes and went over the cupboard where everyone keeps the cereal. He chose something at random, hoping that they weren't Saix's bran flakes. He set down the box of cereal, spoon and bowl at the breakfast bar; pausing for a second, unsure if this is what he wanted. They say that you can get a stomachache eating too late at night. …

"Need milk?" the Organization member who he saw at the fridge muttered to Roxas. He jumped in response, a little startled since he thought that the person hadn't seen him. He turned to his left, looking to see whose raspy voice was speaking to him. He then recognized it to be Demyx, but a little drowsy and raspy-throated.

Roxas shrugged, but held out his hand. Demyx handed him the milk jug, which Roxas could feel only had enough left for one bowl of cereal.

"What're you doing up, Demyx? It's about 3:30 in the morning." Number XIII commented as he poured the milk into his bowl.

The other blonde shrugged. He ran his hand through his un-styled hair while he explained, "I got these notes in a dream that I wanted to write down, so I woke up and jotted them down, but afterward I couldn't sleep. So I came down here to see if I could maybe practice them on my Sitar, but I was hungry, so … here I am."

Roxas nodded, but he was only half-listening. He took another spoonful of cereal and shoved it in, not really tasting it.

"So why're you up, Roxy?"

The spiky blonde swallowed and said slowly, "Well, I … just couldn't sleep."

"This whole time?"

"Well … no, not really. Demyx, have you ever had a…" He searched for an appropiate word for what he kept seeing. In the end, he chose a lighter term for it. "A _dream_… that made your head ache?"

The hydromaniac frowned. With a puzzled expression he asked, "You mean like a nightmare that you were getting hurt in?"

Roxas shook his head, his hair bouncing. "No, no; I mean, like… oh, never mind."

Demyx blew air out his mouth. "Sorry man, but I just don't get it. So I guess I haven't had one." He paused as his gaze fell on Roxas's food. "Hey, are you going to finish that?"

Roxas looked down at his cereal. He suddenly wasn't hungry any longer. "No, you can have it," he said as he stood and slid the bowl across the breakfast bar's countertop to Demyx. "I'm going back to bed. Tell me how the notes sound in the morning, 'kay?"

"Sure," Demyx said with a mouthful of food. "G'night."

Roxas was almost out of the kitchen, but a strange thought occurred to him. He turned back and asked: "Demyx, do you think that Nobodies can feel?"

Demyx replied immediately, "Of 'course; because we have hearts, just like everybody else."

Roxas nodded vaguely, and then headed towards the stairs up to his bedroom, thinking distantly about Demyx's reply.


	3. Breakfast

Orange-yellow light leaked into Roxas's eyelids as he slowly started to wake. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he peaked over at his alarm clock that informed him that it was 7:32 in the morning. _Four hours of sleep never felt so refreshing,_ he thought with hazy sarcasm.

Roxas sat up on the edge of his bed, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the sunlight coming from behind his white curtains. A small smile played on Roxas's lips. "Well, at least I didn't have one of those painful visions in my sleep."

The spiky blonde stood and stretched his arms and legs, trying to wake himself up, since there is no sleeping in and no naps in Organization XIII. Speaking of thirteen, number XIII had to take a leak.

"Ugh, I hope Marluxia isn't holding up one of the five bathrooms in this place like he always does. I mean, with thirteen people in one castle, you'd think they'd be smart enough to build a bathroom in each member's room!"

With a exasperated sigh, Roxas paced across the floor to his door. He stumbled around a bit as he tried to wake himself up. In the hallway on his way to one of the bathrooms, the unbalanced step in his walk due to lack of sleep caused his shoulder accidentally bumped into someone else's. "Sorry," he began to apologize, but once he noticed whom he bumped into, he offered a lopsided smile. "Oh... g'morning, Axel."

Axel gave a small smile as he looked down at the blonde. "Morning to you, too, kiddo."

"Is Marluxia holding up the bathroom down here?" he asked in a grumbling tone.

Axel rolled his eyes. Sneering, he replied: "Yes, the little fag. Isn't having pink hair flamboyant enough? Does he seriously have to take forever in the bathroom like a girl, too?"

Roxas smiled at his humor. "Guess not." Roxas shook his head. "Screw it, I'm going to another bathroom."

"I'm heading down to the kitchen for breakfast. It's Xaldin's turn to cook, and it's a good thing too because I'm hungry. Catch ya later, Rox."

"Yeah... later, Axel." Roxas yawned.

After going to the bathroom, Number XIII paused on the stair steps, unexpectedly getting a light-headed feeling. He took a step towards the railing of the stairs, trying to balance himself. "What … why …" he tried to say 'what's happening' or 'why is this happening', but he couldn't speak. Another one of those visions started to fill his head. It was fuzzy and the sound was muffled, but it was definitely another vision – or memory. This time it was about a girl. She had ruby hair and indigo eyes, and her smile made him feel like smiling, too. She ran up three steps and asked something like, 'Aren't you coming?' but Roxas couldn't be sure. The thing she was running up to was made of wooden boards, and behind it Roxas could vaguely see green, white and blue; most likely some trees, sand and water, like on the beach he's seen before. That island again …

Roxas's head hurt, throbbing with pain in the same pattern as a heart pumping blood. The pain mixed with the light-headedness he had before caused him to sway, and as if in slow motion, Roxas began to fall down the stairs, but falling into darkness before he hit the ground.

* * *

Slowly, Number XIII began to wake, his line of sight becoming larger as his eyelids opened. He could feel someone holding him, but he wasn't sure who.

"I think he's coming to," said a familiar voice.

"First thing in the morning, and of 'course someone has to cause a ruckus," said another voice.

"Roxas?" asked a voice. "What the hell happened?"

Moaning lowly in pain, the blonde replied, "That's what I'd like to know."

"He's okay!" said Demyx, who Roxas recognized. He realized, now, that he was in Axel's arms, and that it was Axel who had asked 'what the hell happened'. He also realized that it has been Vexen who made the comment about 'first thing in the morning', and Zexion who had announced Roxas's coming to.

"We heard a thud down in the kitchen," Vexen said, waving a hand. "We thought maybe Luxord had another hangover."

Axel helped Roxas to his feet. "What happened, anyway? Did you fall asleep while walking down the stairs?!"

_He sounds halfway between worrying and joking. _Roxas thought, glancing sideways at the redhead.

"Now that Roxy's okay, let's go eat!" Demyx said in a chipper tone. Almost as if on cue, his stomach growled. "Aww, I'm hungry!" he added in a whine.

Roxas half-smiled. He suddenly remembered something form the nigth before. "Hey, Demyx? After you eat, I wanna hear that song."

Number IX looked confused for a moment, and then gave a bright smile. "Oh yeah! I almost forgot you were there last night!" He giggled. "You know, I tweaked it after you went to bed; and it sounds pretty good, if I do say so myself."

Axel looked puzzled. "What're you two talking about?"

Ahead of them, Zexion opened the door to the castle's kitchen. "Who knows, and who cares? Let's just eat, Axel; it's early morning and some of us happen to have a mission today."

Vexen, who had also been around when Roxas woke, was now heading into the kitchen, purposely slamming the swinging door in Roxas's face.

"What the hell was that for?" Roxas grumbled to himself.

In the kitchen, it was a madhouse. Food and plates and silverware and Organization members were everywhere. Xemnas wasn't there, like always, since he's usually in his study when he eats breakfast. But Saix was there, munching on some bran flakes, reading the paper. Larxene, Xigbar, and Lexaeus were seated at the breakfast bar, Larxene spinning in her stool. Xaldin was at the stove, using up a bunch of counter space as he cooked.

"Xaldy, do you have my strudel?" Demyx asked, his eyes hopeful.

"I do. Here you go, runt." Xaldin said grumpily.

"Thanks, Xaldy!" He took a bite of it, and with the strudel hanging half out of his mouth, he added: "And Xaldy? cheer up! It's Friday."

"Friday, smiday," Xaldin retorted coldly. "I still have to do that mission tomorrow, and I really don't want to."

Demyx pouted. "Aw, pwoor Xaldy-kun," he said while patting the Organization member with the most famous sideburns on the shoulder, which was the highest place Demyx could reach.

Roxas shook his head. _Demyx always is so hyper in the morning; and that strudel isn't going to help calm him down. He seemed pretty calm last night, however. Then again, it was 3:00 in the morning…_ Roxas thought as he went up to Xaldin. Pulling out of his thoughts, he asked, "What're you cooking?"

"Egg, ham, and cheese English muffin sandwiches."

"Sounds good," Roxas commented. He held out a plate. "Serve me up."

Xaldin did so and Roxas went over to the table that seats only ten (which is why they have the breakfast bar). He sat next to Axel, like he always does.

"So Rox, what was that all about, anyway?"

"Whaph wasth whaph all abo'?" he asked, his mouth full. He meant to say, 'what was what all about?'

The redhead laughed, clearly not understand a word. After he had realized what his friend had said, he frowned and replied a bit cockily, "You damn well know what; I'm talking about you passing out on the stairs! You were fine when I bumped into you –"

But then Marluxia came bursting into the room, flower petals and the smell of jasmine following him in. "I'm simply famished; someone please feed me."

Across the table from Axel, Roxas watched Luxord come in from behind Marluxia and sit down. He rolled his eyes and took out a pack of cards from his pocket, shuffling them in his hands to keep himself busy. "Damn Marluxia," Roxas could see him mouth.

Axel sighed in a frustrated tone, turning to Roxas and saying, "We'll talk about it later."

Roxas nodded vaguely, but he stopped caring and just focused on eating; although, for some reason, he wasn't tasting much of it's savory flavor. He merely feelt the weight of it on his tongue, and how it seemed to stick while traveling down his throat.

* * *

Later that day, Roxas lay on the couch, flipping through channels. He and Axel didn't have a mission today, so it was kind of like his day off. Sighing since nothing good was on, he turned off the TV and sat up, stretching his arms. Reaching for his bottled water, Roxas gulped some down and stood, wondering what he should do. In his mind he easily could see what any other member would do on a day off: Marluxia would do gardening, Luxord would drink while playing poker with someone, Zexion would probably read, Xigbar might do some target practice outside, and Demyx would most definitely be in his room playing around with notes on his Sitar. But Roxas himself had no real hobby, nothing he liked much to do. Well, besides watch the sunset or eat sea-salt ice cream; but that wasn't a hobby.

Suddenly, Roxas remembered: he never got to hear Demyx's late-night song. _Well, there's something to do, _he thought with a small smile.

So he went off in search of Demyx, who was currently bugging Zexion in the library. Roxas smiled to himself, because he knew that Zexion hated to be bothered when he was reading.

"For the last time, Demyx, I _do not_ want to hear your new song."

"But Zexy-kun, I added some water clones to it! It looks cool because they do fighting moves that look like dancing while I play it!"

"I don't care. I just want to read this; it's going to help me in one of my missions that are coming up."

Demyx sighed, finally giving up. But it was then that he spotted Roxas. "Roxy, there you are! You never got to hear my song," he said sadly.

"I know; which is why I came looking for you. Why don't we get out of the library so Zexion can read, and then I can hear you song."

Demyx gave a little fist-pump in the air. "Yay! I also added some water clones to it, you'll love it."

Roxas smiled at Demyx's enthusiasm, walking out into the hallway. Axel was walking by, and for a moment Roxas forgot what he was doing; he just watched Axel walk a ways down, turn into his bedroom, and then slam the door shut. The metal nameplate of 'VIII' rattled on it's screws into the wood.

Demyx noticed this as well. "Wonder what got Axy-kun so mad?"

"I'm not sure," Roxas thought aloud, "But later I'm going to find out."

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	4. Hot Room

Demyx was very proud of his new song, as Roxas could very well see. It sounded great too, a rock song about something between jealousy and joy, hatred and perhaps love; although that's absurd, Nobodies didn't have hearts, so they had no emotions. Still, it was nice to pretend. _But in Demyx's world, I suppose, it's not pretend, _Roxas thought. _Does he truly believe that we have hearts? And how can he be so sure?_

"Did you like it?" Number IX asked as the last note faded away and the last water clone exploded into a hundred water droplets like watery fireworks as the finale.

Roxas was slightly distracted, but replied, "Great! You could make it a full-blown concert piece if you wanted to."

Demyx's eyes lit up. "You really think so?"

"Yeah. Now I got to go, but I'll see you 'round, okay?"

The Sitar player winked. "Sure thing."

Roxas turned and strode out of Demyx's room, making his way down to Axel's instead. He desperately wanted to know what mad him so angry earlier, slamming his door shut and all.

As he wandered the halls in the direction of his best friend's room, Roxas thought only about getting to Axel, and how important it felt to do so.

But his pace started to slow. Roxas put his hand on his head, which began to throb dully. "Is it … happening again?" he wondered out loud to himself.

Unfortunately, he was right. A faded vision came into his mind. Namine was there, only she looked a little younger. _"I'm in no one's heart,"_ she said, her face turned away from Roxas. Her hands were clasped behind her back while her head was cocked downward, as if in shame. Roxas realized that he was on the island again, only all the water was gone, the wind was blowing insanely, and he was only standing on one piece of the island, not the entire thing. He was almost remembering something in the vision, remembering a feeling about how important it was to get to Namine. But she had said something, and it had puzzled him. "N-Namine … doushite … I don't understand … doushi–"

And then the vision disappeared, fading away in his mind. "That island again … only _different _… and Namine– AHH, OW!" he gasped, holding his head with one hand while his free hand rested on the wall, stabilizing his body. Once the pain started to subside, Roxas stood gasping for breath. "They all seem … connected. Each vision – or whatever they are – seem to be connected to what I'm experiencing or thinking about right before they happen. But why am I getting them? They've never happened before …"

Roxas shook his head, pushing everything out of his mind. He continued walking towards Axel's room. When he reached the door, it was still closed shut, and after trying the knob he realized it was locked, too. Music was blasting loudly from Axel's stereo, heavy rock music that had some screaming in it here and there. Sounded like the Killswitch Engage, actually.

The spiky blonde knocked hard, trying to be heard. "Hey Axel!" he yelled, "Open up! It's me, Roxas!"

The music's volume lowered and XIII could hear footsteps. The door's handle jiggled and clicked, and then the door swung open. A slight gush of air reached Roxas's nostrils, giving him a brief whiff of sweat and leftover cologne. "Yeah?" he growled above Roxas's head. He looked down, recognized the blonde, and exhaled his angder. "Oh, Roxas. It's just you."

Not quite sure what he wanted to say, Roxas looked up at Axel's jade eyes and tol him, "I want to talk to you."

Axel nodded briskly. "Yeah, been wantin' to talk to you, too. Come in." And while saying so, the redhead pulled the door open and walked ahead. "Close the door behind you."

Roxas did as he was told, and out of habit he took off his cloak. This left a sky blue t-shirt and his black pants. No matter what season, it's always hot in Axel's room; and no, it's not because he's near the furnace or has a broken air conditioner; it's simply because of his ability's element, which is fire.

Axel even said once to Roxas: _'If I were a Somebody with no memory of the Org, or even any of my powers, I still bet cha that I'd be either a smoker or a pyromaniac. Just think about it … like, what d'ya suppose Demyx would be?'_ At this Roxas had replied with a smile, _'Probably a swimmer or someone who lives near the ocean.' _Axel had smiled in return. _'Yeah, and Marluxia would be a housewife that tends to her garden daily.'_ Roxas had laughed and said, _'Like he does now?'_ which made both of them laugh even more. Those were the good old days, it seems.

Axel lay sprawled out on his bed, one knee bent, his hands behind his head. He said not a word, simply closed his eyes. He was probably thinking deeply about something.

Roxas took the chair near the window, looking out it while he said, "So, what's on your mind? I saw you earlier when you slammed your door shut, and thought maybe that you were furious at it or something. Was your door being bad?"

Axel opened his eyes and sat up. He ignored Roxas's humor, which wasn't like him. Roxas inclined his head towards the other, looking away from the window. The redhead cleared his throat and said, "First I think we should start with what I was asking you at breakfast: what happened that made you fall down the stairs like that? You probably got bruises, but with the stairs in this castle, you could've gotten a lot worse."

_Always worried about me, _he thought breifly. Roxas's brows furrowed while he came up with an answer. "It was strange … I just felt light-headed and must have fainted or something. Probably because I didn't get much sleep. Which is why me and Demyx were talking about his new song; he was up with me last night."

Axel looked at him funny, almost like he knew that Roxas was leaving something out; which he was, but he didn't want Axel to know about his visions. They were almost embarrassing, and they could even make him seem like he had gone insane. Because, really, who gets visions that were almost like memories?

In the end, Axel just shrugged and said, "Alright, that's fair; now what did you want to talk to me about again? Why I was mad?"

Roxas nodded.

Axel looked away in the direction of the stereo. "It's nothing _that_ big."

"Then why did you looked so pissed and slam your door? And might I remind you that you were blasting angry-sounding music at top volume, too."

Axel smiled at that, and then shrugged again. "It's kind of a long story, really. Well, it's not even a story, it's just a bunch of bullshit that added up together and made me feel pissed at everything."

Roxas laid back in the chair and gave Axel a look. "Well, I got nothing going on," he said as a smirk formed on his lips, "Enlighten me."

The redheaded gave a similar smile and replied while shaking two fingers at him, "You know, it's that kind of attitude you get sometimes that's part of the reason why I'm your friend."


	5. Distracting Roxas

"You know, it's that kind of attitude you get sometimes that's part of the reason why I'm your friend," Axel smirked while shaking two fingers at Roxas.

"So … what happened to make you livid like that?"

Axel hesitated, unsure what to say. There are some things that helped tick him off that didn't happen only today and had to do with Roxas and himself, but Axel didn't want to share that information just yet. So he decided to simply tell what happened today that made him so angry. "Well, I guess you could say that it started with me waking up on the wrong side of the bed," he joked. "But part of it was you freaking me out by falling down the stairs like that; like i said before, you probably only have some bruises or something, but with stairs like that it could've been worse, I guess."

Roxas shrugged, making it seem like he didn't realize that he bruised at all; which is true – he really hadn't realized, there's been too much on his mind lately. He almost wanted to smile, because the way Axel said it made it sound like he was really worried about Roxas getting badly wounded.

"Next on my list of things that pissed me off today," Axel continued, "Was the fact that you randomly falling down the stairs turned into a 'here's my version for what happened' kind of rumor, and of 'course Larxene has to tease me about it. You probably could guess what her teasing comments involved," he added.

Roxas smiled twistedly. "Yeah, I can guess," he replied. "But just about anything she says can piss you off. And every man in Castle Oblivion knows that around that one time of the month the position changes and everything WE say pisses HER off."

"Ain't that the truth," Axel grinned. But his faced turned grim and his voice became serious when he said, "There were one or two small things that added up, but the one thing that ticked me off the most today, the final straw that set me over the edge … was when I was summoned to Superior's study. He had to talk to me about our next mission. He changed it, Roxas. He gave us a different thing to do, something less important compared to the others'. And it's not the new mission that ticks me off … it's the reason WHY he's giving us a new mission."

Roxas's face was unreadable. Slowly he replied, "What do you mean?"

Number VIII's head slowly moved from side to side, his emerald eyes closed. "That's just it! I can't tell you. At least, not _exactly_."

There was a pause when neither of them said anything.

Axel wet his lips and said after a moment: "And the fact that I can't tell you why he's sidetracking us like this – or more of, _you_ – is what really pissed me off. It frustrates me when I want to tell you but I can't."

"And what if you did tell me?"

Axel smiled sadly. "Then who knows, I might get a different partner, or kicked out of the Org. But one thing's for sure, Roxas … I'm not chancing it." He would to admit it, but the reason why the redhead wasn't about tot chance such a thing was because he enjoyed Roxas's company and feared losing him.

The blonde nodded, totally oblivious to Axel's real reasoning. "Yeah... I mean, I wouldn't want any one of those things to happen to you," he said, but his mind wasn't focusing on speaking or even the conversation anymore. Instead it racing with thoughts, mostly questions and 'what if's.

Axel looked sideways at the younger boy, unsure what the look on his face meant. Did he maybe know? Did he know about what the Organization was secretly doing, or more of what _Namine_was doing to him right now? Actually, not even what she was doing to Roxas in particular, because he was only getting the aftereffects. No, she was helping to sew back together someone's memories, and that someone just happens to be connected to Roxas. But … could he possibly know all this already? _With a face like his,_ Axel knew, _it's hard to tell exactly what he's thinking._

Roxas stood suddenly, breaking Axel out of his thoughts.

"I wish you could tell me why they're trying to distract me, and what from, but I guess it can't be helped. Thanks for talking, Axel. I know that you don't open up to anyone else. But I have to go now, so I'll see you later." He snatched up his cloak and walked towards the door.

A little in shock at the sudden gesture, the redhead just nodded vaguely. "Okay, yeah… sure. See you later, I guess. But Roxas…"

The blonde was already at the door, but he turned, looking at Axel's jade eyes. "Yeah?"

Axel sighed, looking away. Like he usually does with Roxas, he changed his mind on what he was going to say. He was about to say, 'I want you to stay a little longer', but he ended up saying, "Don't let it eat cha up inside, alright?"

Roxas turned and faced out the door again, saying, "I don't obsess over the little things, remember? So don't fret over it."

And then he was gone. When the door closed, Axel's hot room went down a few degrees from the missing body heat. Being the kind of person he was, Axel noticed, and was left sighing to himself.


	6. Shower Thoughts and Talking With Namine

_A hot shower, _Roxas thought to himself, _is exactly what I need right now. I haven't showered yet today and a shower always helps me think. _

So he went up to his room for some clean clothes, and then headed to the nearest bathroom, thankful that it wasn't in use. He closed the door behind him, flipping on the fluorescent lighting and the fan (to clear out any steam).

While the water in the shower got to the right temperature – nice and warm – Roxas stripped and set out a rug to step out onto when he was done. He grabbed a clean towel, threw it on the hook near the shower stall, and hopped in, pulling the shower curtain closed after him.

He got goosebumps as the hot-on-the-verge-of-burning water hit his flesh, but it was a warm and welcomed feeling. Roxas adjusted the temperature to slightly cooler as steam started to cloud his vision. His wet hair fell into his eyes, but his pushed it off to the side and started thinking about recent events while he shampooed his hair.

_So, _he thought as the shampoo bottle dumped a milky glop into his hand, _I'm getting visions, and they hurt like a son of a bitch every time I get them. Sometimes I even pass out, which isn't safe, as Axel pointed out with the stairs. _

Roxas lathered the shampoo into his flattened spikes, his eyes closed. He felt the soapy bubbles in between his fingers and thought while he rinsed it out, _And let's not forget what the visions are about: a girl once, a boy a couple times, an island … were there any more? Actually, I dreamt once that I was here, in Castle Oblivion, but next to me in halls while I ran was a … duck? And a … dog? I think so. Was that a vision, too, but in dream form instead? Maybe … yeah, I think it was … because they were talking to me. But got a little mad at what they said, and turned away from them, but when I did a piece of brown hair whipped in my face. Brown hair … how come I keep seeing things as if I'm in someone else's body? _

With the shampoo out of his hair, Roxas reached for the conditioner, letting it sit in while he washed his body with some soap. As he cleaned himself he thought a little deeper, a little harder: _Sometimes I get the feeling that they're a memory. At least, it feels like one, since it feels like it already happened, which would make it a memory, I guess. But … they can't be MY memories, right? I mean, I've never done any of that stuff, never been to any of those places … and yet … I can't remember growing up or living with parents. When I joined, Saix told me that I was an orphan, and that they found me with a major concussion and amnesia in Twilight Town. They gave me a new name, Roxas, Number XIII of the Organization. But … was it all a lie, a charade to keep me in the Org? Did those things _**actually**_ happen to me, is that who I was? Maybe my hair was just a different color then … maybe I just dyed it chestnut brown._

Roxas rinsed out the conditioner and turned the knob on the faucet. Stepping out onto the rug, he dried off his hair and body, tying the towel around his waist as he reached for the lotion bottle.

_So then … who was I to begin with? What's my true name? And … are these visions in actuality _**my memories**

After getting dressed, Roxas headed downstairs for an overdue lunch. It was a quarter to 3:00, so he was starving. _A turkey and Munster on rye with mayonnaise sounds good right about now. With a crisp, juicy apple and a glass of milk, _the blonde thought, his mouth watering.

His hair was still damp, but it was drying into the spikes he never needed to style. He wore his cloak, but didn't have a clean t-shirt to wear under it, since he forgot all about doing his laundry lately. So he walked into the kitchen, feeling a little unlike himself, but not caring since food was on his mind.

"Well if it isn't Roxas," said a voice coming from the table. Roxas looked over to see Luxord having an afternoon tea.

"Hey Luxord," hey replied casually as he opened the refrigerator to get out his sandwich fixings.

"Say Roxas, care for a hand of crazy thirteens?" Luxord asked eagerly while he took a sip of his tea.

Roxas licked mayonnaise off the butter knife he used to apply it to his bread before he said with a laugh, "Don't you mean crazy eights?"

"Ah, but there aren't eight members in this organization, now are there? And my cards are themed to it, as you know."

Roxas finished layering the turkey and Munster, putting the other slice of bread on top to complete his sandwich. After putting away what he didn't need anymore, Roxas took out the apple and glass of milk he promised his stomach. "You know, I'd love to but I have some things to do to prepare for my next mission. Maybe some other time, Senpai."

"But I heard it's your favorite game," Luxord replied, a little disappointed.

"Sorry, but I just have …" he looked at his food, smiling at the metaphor, "Too much on my plate right now." And with saying that, Roxas retreated to his bedroom to eat and just try to forget the mess he was in.

* * *

Groggily, Roxas opened his eyes and realized that he had fallen asleep. An overturned plate was on the carpet, crumbs scattered near it. A glass with a few drops of milk left inside sat on his end table. And about a meter away from the plate was an apple core. "Huh, that's funny … I don't even remember falling asleep, let alone when my plate fell or anything."

Scratching the back of his head in confusion, Roxas made nothing of it and simply picked up the plate, core, the bigger crumbs and his glass. "Might as well put this stuff away," he muttered as he walked across the room to his door.

But then comprehension struck: he hadn't fallen asleep at all! It was only 4:12 p.m., which means that if he had fallen asleep it would have lasted more than 45 minutes …

Roxas set the plate (with the apple core and empty glass on top) on his dresser, his eyes wide. He remembered now: he hadn't fell asleep, but instead he had gotten another vision (or was it another memory?). And this time it was longer and scattered, a few different memories at once.

In one of them, he was in a cave. The ruby-haired girl had been there, too. Someone had stood behind him for a moment. The girl had come towards him, saying a name … his name, but it wasn't 'Roxas'. No, it was something else. What was that name?

And then there was another one right after. In this memory – which he admits now that that's what they truly are – he was walking through a city, and then two people pounce (more of fall, actually) onto him, the same duck and dog he's seen before.

And yet one more memory still where he's using a keyblade against some Heartless. But it was different that the two he uses now, Oathkeeper and Oblivion. The one used … was the Kingdom Key. Roxas didn't know how he knew that, and he never fully understood how he knew this two keyblades' names way back when he first got them, but like then as it is to now, he just simply knew the names. Just like how he knew that things never felt right … at least, not here. Things never felt right here in the Organization … perhaps he doesn't belong here?

"I need to talk to Namine," he said, leaving his plate on his dresser and walking out the door. He found her scribbling something in her sketchbook in her room, sitting in her usual white chair. "Namine-chan, you've been living here longer than I have … so can I talk to you about something? I need some questions answered and I think you can give them to me."

Namine set aside her sketchpad and colored pencils, looking at Roxas with her indigo eyes … _That's funny, they look like that ruby-haired girl's eyes._ Namine sighed, looking down at her feet. "I have a feeling that you're going to want to know more than I'm allowed to tell you."

"_Allowed_ to?" he asked suspiciously, raising an eyebrow.

Namine shook her hand, signaling to forget it. She looked back up at him, a small smile on her face. "So Roxas-san, what is it that you want to know?"

Roxas sat down in the chair across the table from her, late afternoon light streaming in through the windows in the World That Never Was. "I think … what I want to know first … is what a Nobody is. Xemnas and everyone else in this castle says that we are all Nobodies, and that we can't feel. Or that we don't have hearts. And I always thought that it was stupid because you have to have a heart in order to live, right? And by 'Nobody' I thought they all meant that we're nobody important, or that our organization wasn't supposed to be known, so everyone in it is 'nobody'. Is that what they mean, or am I completely wrong?"

Namine made a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sniffle. "They really do try and hide the truth from you, don't they?" she said softly.

"Nani?" he asked, confused.

"Roxas, a Nobody is someone without a heart, a shadow of someone else. Nobodies aren't supposed to feel. A Dusk is a Nobody like us, only made from someone who didn't have a very strong heart. But even so, any Nobody shouldn't even exist. At least, that's what Xemnas-sama tells me."

Roxas slowly processed this, trying to make sense of it. No heart? How is that possible? _"Of 'course; because we have hearts just like everyone else."_ So that's what Demyx head meant. He believes that Nobodies do have hearts... _should _have hearts.

The blonde shook his head. "You're wrong, Namine-chan; I know now, without a doubt, that we have hearts." And a voice vaguely spoke in his mind, paired with a tiny headache: 'I know now, without a doubt, Kingdom Hearts is light!' Roxas opened his mouth, "What's Kingdom Hearts?" mostly to himself, but Namine heard him and her eyes widened.

"Who told you about that? Only Xemnas and DiZ and I –"

"DiZ?"

Namine clamped her pale, delicate hand over her mouth. "He's no one," she stated, "But … who told you about Kingdom Hearts?"

"I think I said it once … because just now, I remembered it. But what _is_ it?"

Namine paused, unsure if she should tell him. Would it help or hurt? In the end, she decided to tell him a little bit, because a little of anything never hurt anybody. "Kingdom Hearts is something the Organization is searching for. They're trying to make themselves whole."

"Whole?"

Namine hesitated. "Yes … to make them no longer a Nobody."

"And how is Kingdom Hearts supposed to do that?"

"I've said too much, Roxas-san; please, no more questions." Namine replied lowly, picking up her sketchbook and pencil again. "Organization XIII is made up of Nobodies, each half a person, a shadow, with no heart. That's what we are, and that's what Xemnas-sama doesn't want to be. To that end he's searching for Kingdom Hearts. And to that end, I cannot say any more. Gomenasai. But I just can't."

Roxas stood up, a frown on his face. "It's alright. It seems that no one's telling me anything anymore, so I don't care."

He left then, slamming the door behind him. Out of his line of vision, a couple tears of regret escaped Namine's indigo eyes.


	7. Demyx on Caffeine

Axel. That was the key. Axel was usually what he was thinking about or … feeling … when a memory occurs. Not every time, but most of the time.

Because as Roxas was returning to his room from Namine's, in the hallway he was thinking about Axel, and their next mission, and how it'll give them a chance to talk alone without anyone overhearing them. But as he thought that, a memory had happened when he was in the doorway, causing him to trip sideways and bang his shoulder on the wooden frame, his hands on his head.

Painful. Very painful, for both his head and his shoulder blade. He fell to his knees, and then he saw it, but it was less blurry that what he usually saw.

It was the silver-haired boy again, and he was standing on the island in different clothes than what Roxas has seen on him before. His back was to Roxas, and the silver-haired boy was in front of a cliff overlooking the water. He said something, but his voice wasn't quite right the longer he talked for. And when he turned around, he changed into someone else. The name Ansem came to mind, although Roxas didn't know who that was. The duck and dog were on either side of him, and suddenly he knew their names: the duck was Donald and the dog was Goofy.

And then the memory ended.

And more questions came to mind, but Roxas was suddenly exhausted. He stumbled over and fell onto his bed, wanting so badly to sleep. And his wish was granted, it being only 7:34 at night.

* * *

Early in the morning (around 1:00 a.m.) Roxas woke to find his lunch plate gone from his dresser top and a dinner plate with tinfoil over it sitting on his dresser. Remarkably the plate was hot and the food was still warm. _Axel must have done this,_ Roxas thought with a smile, taking off the tinfoil and picking up the fork near the plate.

Munching on the food helped wake him up a little, probably because 'food is energy!' and all. It was mashed potatoes, steak and broccoli, which tasted pretty damn good at the moment.

After eating the very late dinner, Roxas lay in his bed, his body tired but his eyes and mind wide awake. His hands were behind his head and his legs were crossed at the ankles, his body laying over the bedcovers. "It's been one long day," he whispered o himself. "And now I have tomorrow to look forward to. Oh what joy," he added sarcastically.

Roxas sighed and closed his eyes, seeing flaming red hair and jade eyes. His own blue eyes popped open, a bit confused. Axel? Why was he…

Shrugging, he decided that Axel was just in his mind since he probably brought up the dinner and they're going on a mission the day after tomorrow. Or, actually, tomorrow since it was already the early morning of the next day. Ouch, time is complicated!

The blonde turned over onto his side, moving one arm to under his pillow and one lying casually near his chest. He didn't bother with the covers; since he was plenty warm already, still being fully clothed in his cloak and pants. He suddenly wished that he wasn't alone in his room. He wanted someone there with him, not to talk or anything, but someone there just for the sake of company. And Roxas understood, looking back on it, that he often felt an odd sense of loneliness at night. But why?

Too tired to answer himself that question, he went back to sleep, a vague picture of Axel is his head again.

"Rise and shine, Roxy-kun!" someone said as they bounced on is bed, light making him see red where his eyelids should be.

"Huh? What? … Demyx, that you?" he asked sleepily, peaking one eye open.

A face was suddenly in front of him, a wide smile plastered on it. "Yup! Superior wanted everyone up earlier today, and he said that I was the right member for the job of ensuring that they all wake up."

Roxas grinned slightly. "He was right; you are perfect for that." Slowly he rolled out of bed, Demyx bouncing up and down. "What time does my clock say, Demyx?"

"5:45 a.m.!"

"That early, huh?"

"Yeah. It's getting light outside now, but a while ago when I was waking Zexy it was still kinda dark."

"Am I the last person you got up?"

Demyx nodded, the stray hairs on his face falling into his eyes. He wiped them away. "I was supposed to get everyone in numerical order, so you were last. But of course I had to skip two numbers because Superior and I were already awake, haha!"

"By any chance did Superior give you sugar?" Roxas asked, a little alarmed by Demyx's hyperactivity.

Demyx looked at him and shook his head. "Nah, just black coffee."

Roxas's blue eyes got a little wider. "Shit, Demyx, that's not good! You on caffeine is hell for all of us!"

But the Sitar player just laughed. "You're so funny Roxy, do you know that? You say the funniest things … haha."

"Um, Demyx … do you, perhaps, have a caffeine allergy? Because you're acting like you're drunk."

"Nah, I'm just fine. Let's go eat, okay Roxy-kun?"

"Uh, sure … okay," he replied. Demyx was always the more childish and hyper one of the group, which was entertaining … to an extent; if you're someone like Zexion, it's just plain annoying. But to Roxas, Demyx's hyperactivity was something lighthearted that could always make him feel better.

"So Demyx …"

"Yeah?"

"… Why does Xem– I mean Superior want us awake so early?"

Demyx shrugged. "I dunno; something about a meeting today."

"In the High Chair Conference Room?"

Again Demyx nodded, and then grabbed Roxas's arm. "So let's hurry up and eat so that we don't get in trouble!" he sing-songed.

Roxas nodded and jogged to keep up with the energetic Number IX. On the way down to the kitchen, Roxas got an unexplained feeling of déjà vu. Running down Castle Oblivion's halls … Roxas shook himself while he was being pulled away, positive that the déjà vu feeling was due to a memory of some sort. It seems that even before he was an Organization member he'd been here in this castle.


	8. Falling

Roxas grabbed some eggs and sausage from Saix (it was his turn to cook today, and he wasn't happy about it) and sat down next to Axel. "So that's this all about, anyway?"

Axel tore off a chunk of toast with his teeth, then answered while chewing it, "I dunno, I guesf phat Xemnasf musph be up thoo phsomefing." And by all of that he meant, 'I don't know, I guess that Xemnas must be up to something.'

The younger blonde frowned in response, not liking the sound of that.

* * *

After breakfast, the meeting took place. Roxas expected it to last at least two hours, and yet, it lasted a mere fifty minutes.

In that time Xemnas explained to them a plan he had … something about Kingdom Hearts and becoming whole, and lightness and darkness lasting for all eternity, and power and weaknesses and hearts and beings without hearts. It was like a lecture you get at a college; the words go in your ears, are understood and put away for later reference, but then they leave out the other ear and you laugh about how stupid it all was. And how you wish you could have spent your time differently. And how the teacher giving the lecture had leftover breakfast in the corner of their mouth but no one wanted to point this out since it was funny to look at.

And that's how it went for Roxas; most of the things Xemnas said was all that he already knew thanks to Namine, and everything else about darkness, light, and eternity meant nothing to him.

At least he thought so.

Until a memory exploded in his mind, drowning out all other thoughts, his head splitting in two from the intensity of it. It wasn't perfectly clear, but it was certainly clearer than any other memory he's had so far. He felt himself falling out of his chair, but luckily since he was Number XIII his chair wasn't as tall as Xemnas's. But it was still very high, and he was just falling, falling …

In the memory, images and voices whizzed by, making Roxas feel dizzy. 'Riku' was said in a voice Roxas somehow recognized, a male voice, and there was his Oathkeeper keyblade with a paopu fruit shaped charm dangling from the end, and suddenly Roxas remembered why it was called Oathkeeper, and who the paopu fruit was for … Kairi. And the ruby-haired girl came to mind at the name, same thing for when he heard 'Riku' the silver-haired boy came to mind. And then Donald and Goofy were with him in all these worlds, worlds with a beauty and a beast and a skeleton in a tux and lions and a Greek hero and mermaids and fireworks over a Chinese palace. And then he saw people from the Organization, and he fought with them in Castle Oblivion.…

Roxas knew that he was unconscious, and he knew that he had hurt himself when he fell out of his High Chair. He also knew that the memories were probably going to come more often now, and probably are going to haunt his mind with questions and no answers. But what he didn't know was what they were all for! What was their purpose? And …why were they coming _now_?

_'I'm not afraid of the darkness,'_ said Riku as it started to engulf him in a black swirling mist. Roxas reached for his hand, darkness swallowing both of them up. He closed his eyes and saw Kairi smiling at him but then fading away. He could feel the darkness growing around his body … swallowing him whole. "NO!" Roxas yelled as the last memory disappeared and his eyes popped open.

At first the blonde was confused … where was he? Who was he? What was his name again? Roxas … right? That was it, right? He looked around, trying to recall … "This isn't my bedroom," he said. "Where's my wooden toy ship? And I thought I left my yellow shoes by the door, and my red shorts near the closet …" And then he remembered everything, the confusion fading. "No, this_ is_ my room… in Castle Oblivion in The World That Never Was." Roxas banged his fists on his temples, his mind racing. The memories were starting to make him lose his mind! They felt real … or at least that last one had. "What time is it?" he whispered to himself, peering over at the clock. It was just after 1:30 p.m., which means he was out the whole time before lunch and a little while afterwards.

There was a knock on his door. "Roxas, are you up? I thought I heard you yell."

It was Axel.

Roxas shook his head, wiping off some of the cold sweat he found there. "Yeah, I'm up," he called. "Come in."

The redhead strolled over, seating himself at the edge of Roxas's bed. "You sure that nothing's wrong? You've been passing out a lot lately, and you're kind of scaring us. Plus I heard you yell when you woke up … bad dream?"

"I told you, it's nothing. Just headaches and yeah, some freaky dreams. But I'm fine," he lied, putting a reassuring smile on his face that felt thick and false, which it was. His bedroom felt warm and sleepy-like now that Axel was in it. Because his powers are of the fire element, it seems that he runs a higher body temperature than most and carries that heat with him. _But it's kind of soothing._

Axel touched his shoulder in a gesture of 'okay' and 'let's hope so', but Roxas winced and right away the redhead took his hand off. "Oh, sorry."

"Guess I fell pretty hard, huh?" Roxas said trying to make it seem like nothing. _Again with the lying,_ Roxas sighed. It didn't settle well with him to lie to his best friend, but at the moment, he felt like he had no choice but to.

The redhead chuckled. "Yeah, you did. And let me tell you, you're not easy person to carry."

The blonde flushed slightly. "You were the one who carried me up here?"

"No, but I tried to. In the end I had to have Lexaeus carry you since he's stronger than I am."

"Oh, I see. But at least you tried," Roxas said, somehow feeling relieved. He tried to get the topic off of himself and his disturbing memory lapses.

Axel frowned to himself, not liking how this is going. _Roxas just never seems to open up to me, but I do all the time for him … _Sighing, Axel gave up on trying to figure him out.

Roxas noticed his movements. "Axel?"

The pyro smiled and shrugged. "Um, I was just thinking, that's all. Anyway, I'll leave you alone. Just try and rest since you fell God knows how many meters."

The blonde briefly nodded, and soon Axel left the room, it feeling less warm suddenly.

* * *

"Roxas," Axel muttered later that night as he stepped into the shower stall. "That dumbass just loves to make me worry about him, doesn't he?"

He turned on the water to a very cool setting, almost cold. He showered with chilly water everyday, to help clear his head and cool off his abnormally heated body.

_Actually,_ Axel thought as he soaped up his body and let his spikes weight down with water, _Roxas seems kind of spacey lately. Passing out, not always talking to answering questions, never staying in the same place for very long. Just what the hell is on his mind, anyway?_

* * *

At the same time, Roxas was in his room, the music on, volume cranked up to fifteen (out of twenty). But out of the blue Roxas felt like the songs he used to love were now nothing but unwanted noise. So he got up lazily, pushed the power button, and sat back down on his bed.

_Axel was like the trigger to those memories a lot of the time, right? But … I wonder why him … _

* * *

"He's not telling me the truth," Axel realized halfway through rinsing the shampoo out of his hair. "There's something wrong with him, or bothering him, and he's not telling me. But, then again … I'm not telling him about Sora when I probably should," he added guiltily. "But … I need to talk to him, even if I have to end up telling him about Sora and the Org's plan … anything to get deeper into his mind."

* * *

"Feeling …" Roxas said, opening his eyes, and not even remembering closing them. He jerked into sitting position, and exclaimed in a low tone, "That's what it is! A feeling … in the memories, there's always a _feeling_ behind the images and voices, and it's usually what I am … or, what I was … feeling at the time. That ruby-haired girl with the indigo eyes; when I was around her I got this feeling, and sometimes now I get something similar around Axel. So that must mean …"

But Roxas didn't know what it meant. He couldn't guess or figure it out. And that's because (although he doesn't understand it) the heart has no reasons or rhymes, it just is. It just does. It just feels. It has no explanation or anything logical that Roxas could ever guess or figure out.


	9. A Kiss?

10:34 p.m. flashed in red letters on the white clock that stood on a wooden end table in Roxas's room. Roxas himself sat on his unmade bed with his knees tucked close up to his body, his arms folded on top of them. He rested his chin in the crook of his arm, his eyelids only half open. He was staring in the direction of the window in his room, but he wasn't really looking out it.

Number XIII didn't know what mission he was going to have tomorrow. He also didn't know how he was going to face the other Organization members when he passed out or fell down something again. What could he tell them, anyway? 'Hey guys sorry to say this but I've been getting my memory back and apparently I'm fought some of you in the past so I shouldn't really be here okay bye-bye!'

Roxas shook his head and buried himself further into his arms, until everything was dark.

_And let's not forget what the memories were about,_ Roxas thought in the darkness of his arms. _Kairi the ruby-haired girl, Riku the teal-eyed boy, Goofy the dog and Donald the duck, and somehow I think there was a cricket with a journal, too. _

And island. Namine. Castle Oblivion. A bedroom he thought was his. These too were some of the things he saw in his memories, but there was so much else that he forgot to list them.

With a sardonic smirk, Roxas grumbled, "I knew these memories would come to haunt me!"

And they _did_ haunt him, each one in it's own way. But the most haunting thing was that everything happening in the memories are in a first-person perspective; which must mean that they happened to Roxas, since it's his line of sight the memories occur; and up until now he thought that maybe there were from his life before the so-called 'amnesia' and joining Organization XIII. But when pondering the whole thing Roxas remembered that he has_ blonde hair_ but in a few memories _brown hair_ would whip into his face; which must make it that Roxas was having _someone else's_ memories. He thought before that maybe he used to dye his hair to a chestnut brown. But then how come he woke up with blonde hair? It doesn't make sense that he dyed it. So then he must be having someone else's memories. But … how can you have someone else's memories?!

Roxas's head shot up, and he punched the sheets of his bed angrily. "None of it makes sense!"

Tears of frustration started to well in Roxas's eyes, but he forced them away. He didn't feel like crying right now. And why would he cry, anyway? Aren't Nobodies not supposed to be able to feel? Aren't they not supposed to have hearts?

Roxas hopelessly buried his head in his arms again, his hands gripping the fabric of his black pants tightly.

He didn't know it, but the door of his room opened. Someone slipped inside, padding their way across the white carpet to Roxas.

Suddenly, Roxas felt his bed shake and two legs appeared, one on either side of him. A hand fell on his shoulder. "What's wrong, aibou? You seem kinda down; and I don't mean only right now, but a lot of the time lately."

The blonde unfolded himself and glanced over his shoulder at Axel. His friend's jade-green eyes greeted him, paired with wet red hair. Faintly, he could smell aftershave. There was a white towel draped over his shoulders, and Axel still hadn't put on his cloak, so he was shirtless. Obviously, he had just gotten out of the shower.

"What're you doing, Axel?" Roxas questioned, turning back to face forward again (because he felt himself blush slightly at Axel's exposed chest).

The redhead sighed, reluctant. He knows he has to explain himself. He wet his lips and started to speak: "In the shower I thought about something, Rox: lately you've seemed out of it. And earlier I didn't take the opportunity to talk to you about it. I got this feeling while I was drying off that I made a mistake and should come back and talk to you about it, whatever it is. I come looking for you, and this is what I find: you still in your room where I left you _hours_ago, sitting in fetal position. Were you crying?"

Roxas shrugged and murmured, "No, but I might've started to cry sooner or later."

Axel frowned, taking his hand off the blonde's shoulder and leaning back onto of Roxas's pillows with his elbow. Gesturing with his free hand, he told Roxas in an irritated tone, "I don't understand you, Roxas; you say we're friends, yet you don't talk to me about _anything_! If there's something wrong, just tell me, okay? Stop being so reserved all the time."

_But what would you think of me if I told you? _Roxas asked in his mind. _If I said, 'I'm getting someone else's memories, and oh, by the way, they're started either when I'm with you or thinking about you.' Yeah, that's just perfect; make Roxas sound like he went crazy._

There was a pause, neither of them saying anything. _Awkward silences are becoming a usual thing for us,_ Roxas thought sadly.

"Aibou, just tell me one thing: does it have to do with me?"

Roxas turned his body half around to face Axel. "What do you mean?"

Axel hesitated, his eyes looking down, thinking. "I mean … was it … was it something I did? Or said? Is it … _my fault_?"

The younger boy had to strain his hearing to catch the last two words Axel said; he had whispered them, barely audible, probably due to any guilt he felt.

Roxas softened a little; he didn't want Axel feeling guilty about something that wasn't his fault. "No, I don't think it's because of you; but you are part of it, in a way."

"Huh? What are you getting at?"

It was now Roxas's turn to hesitate; what should he say? The truth? Or should he just let it pass and change the subject? At this moment, though, it seemed maybe the right thing to do was tell the truth.

So Roxas took in a deep breath, closed his eyes to prevent seeing Axel's reaction, and hurriedly told Axel the reality: "What I mean is, it's not something you did or said, but it's more like whenever I'm around you … whenever we're together … I get these visions of memories about things I don't recall happening to me; and yet they're so real. Faded and muffled, occasionally a little foggy or incomplete, but _so_ _real_. It's not always with you, though; some of them come on their own, but most seem to happen… when I feel or think… whenever I… Axel… when you …" He faltered and drifted off, his thoughts too jumbled to turn into proper sentences.

Tears that weren't shed earlier came now. Emotions seemed to be flooding him, but should they be? Is what Demyx always says about Nobodies having hearts true? Or maybe … do they have _half_ a heart? Because Namine said to him the other day that Organization XIII was made up of Nobodies, each being half a person; so maybe that means they have half a heart, too. Half a person … is that where the memories come from? _Roxas's other half?_

Questions came pouring into his mind as Roxas's tears came pouring out of his eyes. He twisted his body back around so that Axel didn't have to see him cry. It was too embarrassing to have your best friend see you weeping like a little girl.

Out of nowhere there were unexpected arms weaving around Roxas's torso, pulling him backward so that his head was resting on something sturdy and warm. A damp towel was wiping at Roxas's face, then a hand pulling the hair stuck to his tears off of his cheeks.

Roxas couldn't speak because he was crying, but Axel spoke instead, confessing one of the things that have been on his mind recently: "You know, Namine told me that she was talking to you a day or so ago. She said she was afraid of telling you too much. And … I have that same problem, Roxas: I want to tell you what's happening to you – because those memories you're talking about are somewhat supposed to happen … it's just … I'm not allowed to tell you why. Xemnas will kick my ass if I say anything too important … like your true name, or what that a 'true name' is. But I really want to tell you all of it, every last thing, but I guess it'll have to wait. But when that time comes, it'll definitely be me who tells you."

_My true name … so I was right, to an extent. Maybe what a 'true name' isn't my name from before the Org, but is simply my other half's name. Half a person … _Roxas thought, his tears slowing down, as well as his body. He yawned.

As Roxas's crying ceased, he just listened to Axel's even breathing, searching for the sound of a heartbeat. _Half a heart. _Roxas thought, finishing up his other thought.

He found something … _doki, doki_, but only faintly. He never noticed before, but he could feel a small, faint beating in his own chest.

"Tnak you, Axel," Roxas muttered as his eyelids drooped. Slowly he felt himself drifting off to sleep, but not before he sensed something small and gentle touch the top of his head.

_A kiss? _he thought vaguely before completely falling asleep in Number VIII's arms.


	10. Twilight Town

An alarm went off, which Roxas knew meant, 'wake up, it's 7:30 in the morning and you have a mission today!'. And waking him up this early to do a stupid mission when he was so warm, cozy, sleepy and happy just ticked him off. But still it chimed in his ear, 'beep, beep, beep! Get up, get up, get up!'. So he threw his hand out to the side, making one of his keyblades appeared. "Shut up, bastard!" and then _**boom**_ … no more annoying alarm clock.

Someone besides himself groaned. Roxas's eyes flew open, suddenly alert. Who was in his room …?

"Aw man, it's Monday, isn't it? Mission day. Dammit!" a familiar voice remarked, slightly muffled by a pillow.

Disoriented, Roxas didn't remember until that moment that last night he had fallen asleep with Axel in his room … and in his bed. They must have ended up both falling asleep and taking the extra body heat as comfort, forgetting that the other person was with them.

Axel must have been thinking the same thing because all of a sudden he goes, "Wait … I'm not in my room, am I?"

The blonde nodded, his eyes still a little wide. He could feel his face flushing a little when he remembered that for part of the night he was cuddled up to something that felt like bare skin … which was probably Axel's chest and abdomen, or maybe his back …

Axel's face looked a little red as well, and Roxas hoped that he wasn't thinking the same thing. But even if he had been, he didn't say anything about it. Axel was good that way, always keeping out the embarrassing things … which reminded Roxas of something. Had Axel kissed him on the top of his head last night before he fell asleep? Or had Roxas dreamt it? He wanted to know, but was too embarrassed by it to ask.

Axel sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "So, um, we have a mission today. Are you ready for it?"

"I don't even know what it is." Roxas said, moving to the edge of his bed, dangling his legs over the side, his sheets wrapped around one of his legs. He pulled it off and stood up. "But either way, I'm as ready as I can be, I guess."

Axel nodded and stretched his arms up behind his head, and yawned. "Yeah, well, as ready as you are, I'm not ... I need food and my cloak," he replied with a wink.

Roxas smiled vaguely. "Sure, and me too. After all, I'm only in a t-shirt and pants … and I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday, so I'm even hungrier than you are."

The redhead smiled and stood, turning towards the door. "Well then I guess I better get a move on … it's my turn to cook today."

Roxas made a faked wince, and held his stomach. "Oh no, another round of food poisoning that I don't need."

Axel shot him a 'well-aren't-you-more-lively-today-mr-smarty-pants' look, and then turned and reached for the doorknob. But before he opened the door, he turned back around and gave his friend a different kind of look. "Rox, do you have any idea what Larxene might say if she sees me walk out of your room first thing in the morning?!"

The blonde laughed at that, and laughed much harder than he meant to. But it seemed so funny to him … since she might bring up orientations and what Xemnas's name can spell if you re-arranged the letters a bit. And she'll say all of that stuff about him and Axel. Which, for some reason, made him laugh at the moment (mostly nervously, though, even if he didn't realize it).

"Roxas, it's not funny."

"It is too! Haha," Roxas said, trying to conceal his laughter. "But I guess … ha … that it's my … heh heh ... fault that it happened. **I'm** the one … -snicker- … who fell asleep on **you**, my weight probably crushing you and making you unable to move." He snickered through the whole thing, unable to control his laughter.

Axel smiled, chuckling a bit. Actually, that wasn't too far from the truth … Roxas is heavier than he looks and since Axel didn't want to wake him up by moving him, he simply fell asleep as well. But part of Axel … in reality … wanted to fall asleep with Roxas last night. But that sounded gay, so the redhead shook those thoughts away and just laughed with his friend for the moment.

Sighing, Roxas stopped giggling so stupidly and said, "I seriously think that I'm losing my mind. Anyway, let's go get things done and talk to Superior about our mission today. I want to get it over with."

After doing everything he needed to, Axel walked with Roxas to Xemnas's study to be briefed about their mission today. He watched as the younger blonde strode in, and watched as the door closed behind him with a tiny_ thud_.

"Well, well, if it isn't Axel … how are you doing today, Axy-sama? Did you sleep fine last night, or did someone keep you up moaning all night?" someone teased in his ear, and he whipped around to find Larxene standing there, her usual smirk plastered on her face. Her icy green eyes stabbed into him, asking a real question behind her rhetorical one. But Axel didn't fall for it.

"Shove it, Larxene; nothing like that happened."

She nodded, giving him the look of 'yeah-okay-you're-probably-right'. But her face changed as she said, "Yeah, you're right; it was probably you making that person moan instead."

Axel could feel his anger bubbling up inside him, wanting to just slap that little platinum blonde bitch. But he took a breath and steadied himself, replying, "You're just saying that because you wish that 'someone' was you."

For a split second Larxene looked taken aback, but that soon changed. "Well if that's what you want to think, but truthfully I wouldn't dream of that in a million years."

And she walked off, leaving Axel alone in the hallway.

Later on, Roxas commented, "So let me get this straight … Superior wants us to go back into Twilight Town and look for something?"

"Yeah, that 'something' being nothing at all really … he just wants you away from the Castle right now, the bastard."

"Why, though? What big secret is he keeping from me, and why does he want me away today?"

"I'm not sure, but whatever it is it's a plan that he doesn't want me to know, either; probably something he thinks I will tell you. Oh, and Namine, too … I heard he sent her off to do grocery shopping or something ridiculous like that."

Roxas rolled his eyes. "That's retarded."

"You're telling me," Axel said, trying to lick his quickly melting sea-salt ice cream.

They were once again walking down the cobblestone streets of Twilight Town, licking some sea-salt ice cream and enjoying the orange, yellow and pink lighting. "Axel," Roxas said slowly, not one hundred-percent sure if he should say what he wants to.

Axel turned to him. "Yeah?"

'Did you kiss me on the top of the head last night before I feel asleep?' he wanted to ask, but Roxas felt his face flush and so he changed his mind. He said instead, "What did he say he wanted us to find? 'Cause maybe we could grab it and go and be back before they're done plotting or whatever. Maybe we could surprise them and find out what they're keeping from me."

Tossing his stick onto the ground, Axel smiled. "Well shit Roxas, that's a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? Sneak up on them, prove we were done, we don't get in trouble and we find out what we're missing. Brilliant!"

The blonde nodded, a smile on his face. He bit off part of his ice cream, having more left than Axel (since his always melt so fast because of his body temperature). "Perfect. So … what was it he wanted?"

"Some kind of colored crystals," he replied. "Found on a blue-swirly trophy. Know what any of that is? 'Cause I sure as hell don't."

Something came to Roxas's mind … a clock tower, and falling off of it, and being in the hospital, and waking up in the Organization. It was a memory … but not the same kind he's been having. No, this one didn't hurt and he realized something: he had been up on that clock tower holding one of those crystals with three other kids … a girl and two boys? Yes, that's right! "Hayner, Pence, and Olette!"

"What?"

"Before the Organization, Axel! I was an orphan who hung out with these three kids here in Twilight Town. I had won a trophy with those crystals on it, and shared the prize with them. Olette had the yellow stone, Hayner the red, Pence the green and I …" he spoke slowly, his mind racing. "I had the blue. But as I was standing up, I slipped and fell … and the next thing I know, I'm Roxas of Organization XIII." He was so excited, and just rambled on and on. He remembered something from his own lifetime! And it was a good memory, too. He even recalls going to school here in Twilight Town.…

Axel stood with his mouth open, completely aghast. So Roxas really did have a life before he joined the Organization? Most Nobodies had nothing and came to the Org by will or else found for a purpose, like Roxas was (for his keyblades). But … "Roxas, do you remember any kind of childhood before that?"

"No …"

He nodded. "You shouldn't since you're a Nobody. But I think I know now … Xemnas wanted you to remember that, about the trophy. I don't think that he wanted the trophy itself. Maybe … maybe he wants all your memories – all of them! – to come back to you. Maybe he wants –" _Maybe he wants Sora to be awakened, and Namine is the one doing it, but she didn't want to hurt Roxas and now he's mad at her and that's why she hasn't been saying much lately and why he sent her away today and why he sent Roxas here... _the pyro thought in a rush.

"He wants what, Axel? You cut yourself off."

Number VIII shook his head. "Nothing, nothing. I don't know. My mouth just kept going and my brain didn't even know what it was saying. I don't mean any of that. And your ice cream is melting down your cloak sleeve."

"Shit, it did! And I don't have any napkins."

"Then just take off your cloak."

"But what about my arm? It'll be all sticky."

"You could lick it off if you don't want it 'all sticky'." He chuckled, looking at Roxas's not amused face.

"Nah, I can't reach," he said, taking the statement literal.

Still joking, Axel smiled and grabbed his friend's arm, pressing his tongue to Roxas's skin and stroking upwards. He let go and laughed. "Roxas, you should see the look on your face right now, it's priceless."

But Roxas wasn't laughing. His mouth was open slightly and his eyes were widened and his face was a noticeable shade pinker. _Did Axel just do what I think he just did? Did he just lick my arm?!_

"What's the matter, Rox? Can't take a joke?"

The blonde blinked a few times and shook his head a little. He forced a small laugh. "Ha, you just love to pull my leg, don't you?"

'Yup,' a pair of flashing emerald eyes replied. Axel summoned a portal. "Now let's go … I think –"

"And I think that'd be a bad idea," said Saix, who came walking out of a portal behind them.


	11. Saix Speaks His Name and Then It Fits

"Now let's go … I think –"

But Axel was cut off by Saix, who came from behind them via a portal. "And I think that'd be a bad idea."

"Saix? Why are you –" Roxas started. The rest of his sea-salt ice cream falling out of his hand, splattering sea blue all over the cobblestones. He hadn't expected Saix to come, or anyone at all. And since Saix is like the second in command ... _this isn't right, _Roxas thought.

"Hold your tongue, XIII; And as for you, VIII: close that portal." Saix said, cutting Roxas off and then turning to Axel.

Axel closed the portal, an angry frown on his face. The black triangular tattoos under his eyes seemed to scrunch up like serpent fangs retracting before they bite as Axel's eyes narrowed. "Like Roxas was _trying_ to say: just what brought you here, Puppy? Did Owner promise you a treat if you fetched us? Or rather, if you _stopped _us?"

Saix seemed to be almost growling. He didn't like Axel's jeering comment one bit. But then the frosty-blue-haired member smiled evilly, replying: "Alright hot shot, I'll tell you something and then you can tell _me_ something. Sound fair?"

The pyromaniac looked distrusting towards him but nodded nonetheless. "Fine, have it your way. But I want my questions answered first."

Saix kept that evil grin on his face, only his teeth seemed to glisten, which made everything feel wrong. He answered, "I am indeed here to stop you from returning to the base. And yes, I was sent on Superior's orders; and those orders were to keep Roxas and you busy while he conducts the finishing touches on his latest plan."

"So why aren't we in on this little plan?" Roxas snapped, his angry rising as well. Axel nodded, staring Saix down.

"Oh, nothing big in particular," Saix replied casually. "We just don't want the traitors know."

"Traitors?!" Axel roared. "We ain't no traitors!"

"Ah, but Roxas is. Partially, anyway."

"I haven't done anything! Nothing at all against the Organization!"

"In Organization XIII you may never turn your back … and you've started to, Roxas. Tell me: have any thoughts of fighting one of us crossed your mind?" Saix kept smirking, that dark aura around him. He was practically bubbling with some kind of dark excitement, like he couldn't wait to expose Roxas and Axel for what they truly were.

Roxas looked a bit taken aback. Nothing … he was fine in the Organization, it was like a home to him … but in the memories … "Only when …" _Only when I had a few of those memories; but that wasn't me! I never fought any of them myself, and nothing has happened lately to make me want to leave the Org ... although I briefly do get feelings like I don't belong..._

"Roxas?" Axel said, looking over at him, the anger gone from his face. "Only when what?"

"Which is the question I want answered from you," Saix replied, a smirk still on his face. Roxas didn't want to tell Saix about the visions at all, let alone about his apparently traitorous feelings. He also just wanted to go over there with a keyblade and erase that damn smirk …

"From the memories?" Axel whispered to him so that Saix couldn't hear. Roxas nodded promptly in reply. Axel looked a tiny bit bothered by that, and Roxas didn't know why.

"So, Axel knows something that I don't?" Saix said, referring to the exchange they just had. His dark smile faltered, and now he was just scowling. "Enlighten me, Roxas. Share with the class."

"When you say 'enlighten me' it's somehow much cuter," Axel mumbled, referring to when he talked to Roxas in his room a day or so ago.

Normally Roxas might smile at something like that, but the atmosphere between the three of them right now in Twilight Town said to do otherwise. It felt like a war was about to break out. "What if it's something personal?"

"Then I suppose Superior and I already know what it is. But please, tell me anyway, and I'll make sure that he gets the message."

He looked to Axel, who was making slicing motions across his throat, motioning that Roxas should say a word about the memories. But as much as the blonde wanted to comply, he didn't want something bad to happen all because he didn't tell. _So I'll just tell half the truth,_ he decided. _That way nothing_ **too** _bad can come of it._ "Alright, fine; you want to know, really?"

Axel pulled on Roxas's elbow. "What d'you think you're doing?!" he hissed in his ear.

"Don't sweat it Axel, I got a plan." The blonde whispered in reply. Axel released him at that, anxiety spread across his facial features.

Roxas winked so that only Axel could see, and then proceeded, "I've been getting my memory back," he said, staring Saix right in the face.

"Well don't you have guts for finally saying it, Number XIII. But Superior and I already knew that, since Namine's the one who's been giving them back to their rightful owner, and you're just happening to get the side effects of it."

Roxas processed this slowly. _What? They … already knew? And Namine was the one doing it? And she wasn't doing it for me … but instead for someone else? Is it my other half like I guessed that the memories were coming from? His name … I know that a memory or two had Kairi or Riku or Donald or Goofy say it … what is my other half's name?! _

"Can you feel him?" Saix asked Roxas, completely forgetting that Axel was there now. He walked a little closer and said lowly, "Can you feel **Sora**?"

'Sora …' Kairi had said in that cave. 'The door has opened, Sora!' Riku had said before they both got swallowed up by the Darkness. 'Sora!' 'Donald!' 'And Goofy, huh-yuck!' _… Sora … Sora was his name … the keyblade's chosen one … Sora is my other half. _"Sora?"

Axel hadn't heard Saix say it, but he heard Roxas just then. He had said it somewhat loudly, and his face was flabbergasted. _He knows now,_ Axel thought. _And now that he knows, I might have lost him. _

"Why do you think that your name is Roxas? It's Sora with the letters re-arranged and an X separating the middle. Everyone in the Organization has an X in their name, or haven't you noticed? It's because we're all Nobodies, shadows of someone else. And each Somebody has our names, just without the X. Don't you see, Roxas? You're just a tool. You're memories are hardly even your own. And since you have half of Sora in you, you have half a traitor in you. We can't trust you with Superior's new plan because Sora can't know about it … it's about him, after all. So Superior was right ... you were getting some of his memories. This mission, as you may have guessed by now, was a fake to help you gain back some of the memories you have lost. This is good news for our plan ... Now Sora can be restored and awakened."

And with that said Saix then opened a portal behind him, walking backwards into it with that evil smile back on his lips.

* * *

"Roxas? Roxas? Rox, speak to me. Hello?"

Roxas could hear Axel and he could feel his hand on his shoulder shaking him, but it felt like everything was happening from a distance. Sora … that was the name he'd been missing. And now that he had it, every piece of the puzzle came together and he understood a lot of the memories now.

But just because he understood everything, doesn't mean that he remembered everything. He was still Roxas, still part of the Organization, and still he only knew a few small memories; it wasn't like he suddenly knew Sora's whole life after hearing his name. Still, the name did help. It was like the last blank was filled in. Although, because of that, the next memory he may get might be the clearest yet; and who knows, maybe the next time Roxas falls asleep he'll wake up as Sora.

Because Saix said that Sora is going to be awakened, right? Waking up from a long sleep … yeah, that seemed familiar. Like when Roxas awoke after falling off the Twilight Town Clock Tower and discovered that he was wanted for the Organization.

But now Roxas can't help but to wonder: what will happen to him after Sora is 'restored'? Where will he be when Sora is 'awake'?

"This is real, right?" Roxas spoke suddenly, startling Axel.

Axel pulled Roxas over to a bench close by and sat him down. He kneeled in front of Roxas so that they were nearly eye-to-eye, although Axel was slightly shorter now. "What, Rox? You mean right now? This, here, in Twilight Town?" The blonde vaguely nodded in response, his eyes looking a little clouded. _Is he okay?_ Axel thought as he frowned with concern. Despite that, Axel straightened out his face and replied calmly, "Yes, this is real. You're not dreaming. We're really here, me and you, and the people in their houses, and that sea-salt ice cream over there that you dropped on the ground. See? I'm holding your shoulders right now, and if you can feel me squeeze them and it hurts your bruises from when you fell a while back, then this is all **real**." Axel was panicking slightly, because Roxas has never acted like this before. He was unresponsive, which was _scary_.

The younger boy winced when Axel squeezed her shoulders. His head started to clear, his vision becoming sharper. For a moment there, Saix's words had really hit him hard. And those words caused the domino effects of all his thoughts. It was like hypnosis … "Axel?"

"Yes. I'm right here."

"You hurt me."

"Sorry 'bout that, but I needed to snap you out of it. You were scaring me, man."

"Oh... yeah, I kind of was. Thanks. It's just… what Saix said…" Roxas's brows furrowed and he stood up, making Axel lose his balance and fall on his butt. "Oops," Roxas said, helping Axel stand back up. "He makes me so mad! I suddenly want to storm into Castle Oblivion's doors, find him, and kick his ass with my keyblades!"

Axel smiled slightly. "Guess you're back to normal, then."

Roxas held out his hands, and with a sparkling white light in one hand Oathkeeper appeared, and with a dark purple-black glow Oblivion appeared in the other. At the sight of them, he had sudden realization. "Riku and Kairi, Roxas and Sora."

"Huh?"

"My keyblades, Axel. Lightness and Darkness, a promise and a friendship, him and me. Riku, friendship and me are this one," he said, holding up Oblivion, "And Kairi, the promise and Sora are this one," he said, holding up Oathkeeper. "I understand now why I have them both. That's why."

Holding open his palms at his sides, a flame bursting in them. Axel's chakram appeared, metallic and circular. "I don't think mine have a reason," he said somewhat sadly. "I think they're just what I was blessed … or cursed with."

"They're not a curse, they're part of you in some way or another," Roxas said, putting his keyblades away. "Like mine are to me …and Sora."

"Speaking of which, I wasn't able to keep that promise I made about me being the one to tell you; because I knew about Sora, and I was waiting to tell you …"

"But did you know everything that Saix said?"

"Most of it, yes. But not everything …"

Roxas crossed his arms over his chest. "I wish you would have told me sooner, Axel."

"I know, I know! Me too, but I thought that I'd be in deep shit if I did … and …" But he stopped himself. He was about to say 'and that I might lose you if I did', like he had a second ago when Roxas got all misty-eyed. But it would've been worse than that.

"You thought that you might lose me?"

Axel looked shocked for a second. "How did you…?"

Roxas gave him a sympathetic look. "Because I thought that I might lose myself. I knew for a while now that there was a name I didn't know, or another half of me I didn't know about, so I wasn't surprised in some ways. But 'Sora' … the second I heard that, things clicked into place in my head and now everything is fixed up and screwed up at the same time. So it wasn't hard to guess that you thought you'd lose me, because somewhere deep down I was worried that I might even lose myself."

The spiky redhead looked away at the orange sun, forever frozen in between a sunset and a sunrise. _He even knew that he could lose himself? Sometimes I wonder how much Roxas really knows. He's a smart kid, that one; I'm almost not surprised that he figured a bunch of it out. _

"You think it'd be okay to go back to the castle now?"

Axel, still not looking at him, opened up a portal. "I don't see why not."

And they walked together into the black-and-blue portal, disappearing into the darkness.

* * *

"Heya Axy and Roxy! Where ya been? We missed you!" Demyx came running into the living room, hugging them both.

Zexion sighed in the corner where he was playing solitaire with Luxord's cards. "No, Demyx, that's only you."

Roxas forced a laugh and a joke out of him. "Demyx, did Xemnas give you more black coffee?"

"Nope! It wasn't black or hot. It was icy and really, really sweet! He called it a 'frappichino', I think. It was really tasty! You want one, Roxy? He taught me how to make it! But it might be a little watery compared to Superior's."

"Um, no thanks, Demyx. I don't want one. You can ask Axel, though."

"Axel-kun, do **you **want one?"

Axel looked down at him and said, "Nah, I'm not in the mood for anything sweet. But if you can find me some teriyaki beef jerky, then I'd be forever grateful," he said with a wink.

Demyx perked up. "Okay! I'll go see if we have any. Lexaeus probably keeps some in the pantry!" and he scurried off.

Axel shook his head. "What a spazz," he chuckled. He walked towards the stairs. "Tell him I'll be in my room."

"Zexion, can you tell Demyx? I'm going to go take a shower."

Zexion looked up at the blonde saying a quick, "Fine," before continuing his game.

"Thanks," Roxas replied automatically as he headed for the stairs. He went towards his room first to get some clean clothes for after his shower.

But halfway down the corridor to his room Namine came out of it. "Oh!" she said, a little startled. "Roxas-san, there you are."

Roxas passed her and went into his room, leaving the door open for her to come in. He shuffled through his dresser, looking for some lounge clothes. "There something you want, Namine-chan?" he asked as kindly as he could despite the slight resentment he held towards her for not telling him about the memories she's giving back to Sora that were effecting him.

"There is, actually," she said slowly, closing the door and lowering herself into his beanbag chair, her bare feet rubbing the carpet nervously. "I know what Saix told you … and I came to ask for your forgiveness. I could've told you about Sora and the memories without getting into trouble, but I should have risked it by telling you anyway. Gomenasai!" she apologized, her head bowing, her hands together in her lap. Her light blonde hair fell in front of her eyes, covering the tears she knew were springing up.

Roxas stood up and turn to lookedt her. "Don't be like that, Namine; I should be the one apologizing. After all, for a moment there I was a little pissed at you for not telling me, but I should have known better. So... gomen."

Namine looked up, a little surprised by that. "You've changed, Roxas-san; you normally wouldn't have said that." She wiped away the tears in her lashes and dried her hands on the front of her silvery-white dress.

"I was wondering something, Namine … how come you have the same eyes as Kairi?"

"You … remember her?" She said, not answering his question. A truly puzzled look was on her face, because Namine knew that for a while not even Sora remembered Kairi back when he was in this castle. Funny that Roxas should know her, though.

"Yeah, I do; she's that girl he likes. And she has the same eyes as you; or is it vice versa? …Just who, exactly, are you? And I want the truth this time, Namine."

"I'm a witch, you know that." She looked down at her toes, not wanting to see his face. What she said wasn't a lie, precisely. It was simply a way around the truth that he wanted.

"But I never really knew what kind. And why you look kind of like her: same build, same eyes, same shape of face. I noticed it when I saw you in his memories, and then her, too. You were both younger then, Kairi and you. And it made me wonder just who you were, exactly."

"You're much smarter than they give you credit for," Namine joked lightly. "But I knew you were. As clueless as Sora can act sometimes, I always knew that you were the logical one of you two."

"Wait … us two? Are we really two people? I thought that we were halves."

Namine nodded, then shook her head. "Well, yes… and no. He's a person with a personality and a name and a face, but you are, too. And yet together you balance out perfectly, which is why he needs you. I wasn't supposed to say this, but I am going to now: Roxas, in order for you and Sora to be whole, you're going to have to join him."

"_Join him_?"

She nodded gravely. "Yes. And … I don't think that I'll be able to see you again until I see him again."

"Are you saying that I'll disappear?!"

"No, no! You won't disappear, Roxas! You'll simply be…_ whole_."

Roxas chuckled ironically. "I thought you needed 'Kingdom Hearts' for that."

She smiled softly, but her eyes were on the brink of being sorrowful. "You and I are the exception."

"Speaking of which, you still haven't answered my question, Namine."

The mousy girl sighed. "I've been avoiding it. But I guess I should tell you. You see, Roxas-san, I'm Kairi's Nobody. Only… I'm a different kind than you are. Kairi doesn't really have to rely on me for her to be whole, unlike Sora to you. Do you know why?"

Roxas shook his head. "No, why?"

She smiled slightly. "Because Kairi had no darkness in her heart, her heart when into Sora's body. So when Sora gave his heart up for Kairi, it made you and me at the same time, but without any darkness, I became something different. Now that I think about it, it's almost like we have the same birthday." The white witch stood suddenly, turning for the door. "I think that's enough for one night. Why don't you take that shower now? I'll see you at dinner later."

And then she was gone, and he was left standing alone.


	12. Cold With a Side Order of Confessions

The shower didn't feel as soothing as he'd hoped. And Roxas got the feeling that something wasn't right … and another thing: everyone acted like nothing was different. Even Saix and Superior, who Roxas saw right before he had went into the bathroom. They just passed by him wordlessly in the hall. It was like Roxas was normal Roxas again, long before the memory attack.

Speaking of which …

After Roxas had went back into his room, his hair wet and dampening his pillow, a wave of pain had quivered throughout his body. Another group of memories came pouring into his mind like a waterfall, rapidly one after the other. He saw a raft on the island, Kairi signaling the beginning of a race between him – well, Sora – and Riku, that cricket on his shoulder talking about something in the halls of Castle Oblivion, a brown-haired older boy he thinks name is Leon, and a brunette girl with a long braid tied at the end with a pink ribbon, a city called Hallow Bastion, millions of different heartless dissolving under the slice of the Kingdom Key, an evil lady paired with the name 'Maleficent', a trio of kids in trick-or-treating costumes working for someone who looked like a burlap sack … places, faces and names popped into his head, each memory more vivid that the last. 'Come on, Sora!' 'Let's go, Sora.' 'Maybe we shouldn't, Sora…' Over and over, like a broken record. '_Sora_' … '**_Sora_**' … '_**Sora**_' … replaying over and over in his mind, echoing off the walls of his head, and with each time it came back it brought a new wave of pain. _Why does it have to_ _**hurt**...?_

When it finally stopped, it left Roxas breathless and shivering. His eyes opened slowly as an icy tremor ran down his spine, so he brought the blankets up over himself and curled into a ball on his side. He felt cold and aching. A bell decided to ding, and Roxas knew that it meant 6:30 and dinner. But he suddenly wasn't hungry… just very tired.

He closed his eyes only to have them open again until twenty minutes later. He heard the distinct sound of knocking and a familiar voice. "Roxy? Don't you want dinner?"

It was Demyx, oddly enough. Roxas sat up and walked over to the door, wiping at his eyes. "Yeah, I do, sorry."

"Well you missed it, silly! I brought it up for you. Lexaeus told me too. And Axel told me to tell you that you're going to get sick if you keep skipping meals like this. He said that when I said it I should punch you in the arm, but I don't want to do that, it'd be mean and hurtful and I don't want to hurt you. Anyway, here's your plate! I thought I could bring you it so that you don't have to come down."

"Did you have coffee again?"

"I had three more 'frappichno' thingies before dinner, hee hee!"

Roxas laughed. "What are we gong to do with you, Demyx?" he said, taking the plate from the Sitar player.

"I can't help it Roxy-kun, coffee is so **good**!"

Before closing the door on him so that he could eat, Roxas added, "Then try decaf."

His plate sat stacked on top of his dresser, and dimly Roxas thought of how eating his meals in his room were becoming a bad habit of his.

And another distant thought entered Roxas's mind … what was Axel up to? And then another: was Namine, at this moment, restoring Sora's memories? And then a less-distant thought came to mind: where was Sora kept, presently? Was he here in the castle?!

A castle …

A memory came to mind then, paired with a trobbing headache. It was of a tall castle, beautifully decorated, with Donald and Goofy in slightly different attire, and then a mousy queen and king. The king had a keyblade, too … a Kingdom Key, only slightly different. "King Mickey!" Roxas burst out as the memory faded away.

Roxas laid down, beads of sweat on his forehead. A couple minutes passed before he had his breathing back to normal. "More memories," he groaned. "They come and go as they please, and it just kills me."

Suddenly he heard a knock. "Roxas?" said a voice coming from behind the door.

"Come in," he said, wiping some sweat off of his face. _Hm, déjà vu._

Bright red hair came into his peripheral view, which meant that it could only be Axel. "Hey buddy; I came to check up on ya," he told him, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Don't worry, I ate," he reassured.

Axel rolled his eyes. "I'm not here for that," he replied. "Although it's good to know that you're not trying to go anorexic on me."

Roxas grinned slightly, rolling over onto his side away from Axel. "So then why are you checking up on me?"

A body was suddenly lying down behind him, although not touching him. "Because I wanted to make sure that you were still here."

There was silence, and Roxas could feel that small heartbeat in his chest race up. "Well … I'm here …" he said in a hoarse whisper.

"That's good," Axel whispered so close to his ear. "Aibou … do you think that we have hearts?"

Closing his eyes as he felt his face grow warm, he replied after wetting his lips, "Yeah, I do think we do… only half of one, though."

He felt the bed shake faintly as Axel nodded. "I never used to think so. At least, not for myself, anyway. You have half a heart, don't you, Roxas? While people like Marluxia and Vexen and Namine and I … we don't really have hearts, do we?"

Roxas shook his head. "I'm not so sure about Marluxia and Vexen or anyone else in the Organization, but I think you, Namine, Demyx and I have hearts. We care about people and things. And we feel a little more. Am I right, or does that sound stupid?"

Axel shook his head, which in turn shook the bed a little again (he was resting his head on his palm with his elbow leaning back on the bed, making it do this). "It doesn't sound stupid at all. When you say it, it makes sense."

"Oh, but it wouldn't make sense if anyone else said it?"

Axel smiled, and he could hear a smile in Roxas's voice when he had said that. _Trying to lighten the tense feeling in the air,_ Axel noted. He shifted uncomfortably all of a sudden. "Roxas… what would you say if I told you that Larxene was right about something?"

Roxas turned over slightly, peering over his shoulder. "Depends on what she was right about, I suppose."

"Well," Axel started as Roxas turned back around, "What if it was about how I never say what I want to say?"

"Then I would ask when she said this and would want an example of one time you said something you didn't want to."

"Well, for that second thing, I think you already know an example of when."

"Maybe. But then what about the first thing?"

"Well, she's said similar things to me about it on more than one occasion, but she brought it up to me at diver tonight – which, by the way, she took the liberty of taking your usual seat next to me – and she said, 'Axel-sama, isn't there something you want to say to me?' And I told her, 'Yeah, get the hell out of Roxas's seat, bitch.' And she hinted, 'And if Roxas was here instead of me, what would you say?' I stuttered at that. 'W-what are you getting at?' And she goes, 'There. I proved my point, I think.' And I was totally puzzled. 'What point?' I asked her. She turned to me with that dumbass smirk and says, 'That you always tell us whatever comes to your mind, but not around Roxas. With him you change your mind and hold back what you want to say.' Nervously I had snapped back, 'And how did doing that prove your point?' And she pauses, stands up with her plate in her hand, and before walking off to get her serving of food she says, 'It didn't; but your comeback just did.'" Axel finished his story, and then sighed. "I didn't mean for it to be so long, but you get it."

Roxas was speechless for a moment. "Axel… I do the same thing."

"Do what? Have arguments with Larxene? 'Cause I think eveyone does. She's such a bitch sometimes."

Roxas turned over onto his stomach and looked up at Axel's face, which was hovering right above his own (and was suddenly turning pink, he noted). "No. I mean that I don't always say or ask you what I want to. I change what I say right before I say it."

Axel looked a little surprised for a moment, and then turned nonchalant again. "Name one time," he scoffed. "I don't believe you. I think you're just trying to make me feel better."

Roxas sighed. "Remember earlier today –"

"– A million years ago –"

"– In Twilight Town when I said your name before you mentioned the trophy?"

Axel thought back a moment. "Yeah, you had paused and then asked me what they wanted us to find, and then I told you about the trophy, and well … everything kind of went downhill from there."

"Right. But remember how slowly I had said your name before I asked that? I had sounded unsure, right?"

Axel frowned and looked down at Roxas. "So... you were going to say something else after that?"

Roxas blushed but nodded. "I was too embarrassed to ask what I wanted to, so I had said something else."

The flaming-red haired Org member hesitated. His mind came up with a dozen possibilities, each of them more tempting than the last. "So… what was it that you _wanted_ to ask?" Roxas looked away and mumbled something. Axel frowned. "What was that?"

Roxas, still looking away, replied with his face turning a little redder, "I wanted to ask if you had kissed the back of my head before we accidentally fell asleep together last night."

It was now Axel's turn for his face to blush, although he only did so in the smallest way. "And what if I had?"

"Nothing, I guess. I wanted to know if you had, that's all. And maybe _why_ you had."

Axel paused. He shifted his weight again. "Well …" he began slowly, "I did kiss you. I dunno why; I guess it felt right? It wasn't, like, too weird for you or something, was it?"

Unexpectedly – to both Roxas and Axel – Roxas laid his hand on Axel's forearm and whispered, "No." Secretly, he had been glad the older boy had done it. It was comforting.

They lay together side by side for a few moments in silence. Roxas decided to be the one to speak first by calling out Axel's name.

"Hmm? What is it?"

"What's going to happen after Sora wakes up? Namine said that I'd be whole… but where would that leave me?"

"Oh, um … God, I don't know, Roxas. In a way, I guess you'd be inside him or something weird like that. Or maybe you won't be there at all, you'll just become him or something."

The younger blonde nodded, a couple tears welling in his eyes. "And what will happen when I see you again, but I'm Sora and not me?"

Axel smiled sadly and looked over at Roxas. He felt his stare and turned as well. Axel told him solemnly, "Then I'd see if I could fight along side him and treat him like you, so that wherever you were in him … you'd see me. And I'd call out your name, too, so that you could hear me."

Roxas gingerly slid his hand down Axel's forearm to his hand. He slipped his fingers inside. Startlingly, Axel gave them a tiny squeeze in return. "Thanks," the blonde murmured.

"Now Roxas, it's when you say act like that it ruins the moment," Axel joked, but didn't let go.

Roxas chuckled lightly. But then he shivered, his cold feeling from earlier coming back to him.

"Cold?"

"I think it never went away after earlier when –"

"Here, get under the covers," Axel said matter-of-factly.

After a moment, Roxas complied. He took off his cloak and slipped under, another series of shivers following him. And then Axel was in there with him, his cloak off as well (since you could never lay right with one of those things on; just think about it: if you were wearing one, you couldn't be very comfortable). Axel's high body temperature was soon heating Roxas up, giving him goosebumps.

"You're always really cold, do you know that?" the redhead remarked.

"I bet someone with ice or water powers would be colder," Roxas joked, referring to their fellow (very kind, and not to mentin chipper) Organization member.

"This would be true," Axel joked in return. "And where does that leave me, eh?"

"Right here with the colder people like me," Roxas yawned. "Hmm, what time is it?"

"It's getting near 10:00. Well... it's technically 9:46."

"Feels later."

"This whole day had felt that way. Long day, you know? A mission, a lecture, dinner … and everything else in between."

"Don't forget Demyx on caffeine."

"No, let's definitely not forget that."

They laughed, but it felt somewhat uneasy. Roxas sensed this and asked, "Axel … what were some of the things you didn't tell or ask me when you wanted to?"

"Remember when I was ticked off a couple days back?"

"Yeah?"

"Well … something I didn't tell you that ticked me off was what I realized that day. And how afterwards … I didn't want you to leave just yet."

"And what ticked you off that you realized?"

"Something totally gay that you'll kill me for saying."

"Gay as in your slang for stupid, or gay as in … homosexual?"

"Both; which Larxene would just love because she could use it as a weapon."

Roxas paused, frowning. "What was it."

It wasn't a question, it was a demand. 'Tell me now,' it said. Axel sighed. "I realized that … that I might …" and then he shut up. "Never mind. It's retarded." And he pulled away slightly, starting to sit up.

Roxas was plenty warm now, but the company was too nice to let go of. "Axel, come back. Just tell me, okay? I promise I won't react oddly or something. I'm your friend, so you can tell me anything."

Still sitting up and not looking at Roxas, Axel replied hastily, "That's just the problem! I don't want to be your friend, 'cause I realized that I might be in love with you or something. Totally gay, right?"


	13. Don't Go Too Far  Please

'I realized that I might be in love with you.'

The words echoed inside of Roxas's head and he could feel his face start to turn a red the shade of Axel's spiky hair.

'Totally gay, right?'

Well yes, completely gay, but … to hear those words, 'in love', it made Roxas feel … happy. Blissful, even. Because that's the emotion, he sees now, that he had felt in the memories, and what he was feeling around Axel when he got some of them … _**love**_. That was it. Love.

He loved Axel, too.

But was he _in love_?

There's a difference.

But despite the difference, the word 'love' was enough.

So without even thinking about it, without even realizing that he was doing it until it happened, Roxas sat up and turned Axel around, their lips coming together like magnets.

Axel never saw it coming. His eyes were open wide in shock as he felt himself being turned around only to come straight to Roxas's lips. This was **Roxas** doing this? Roxas was the one kissing him? _His_ Roxas? It didn't seem like something he'd do. But maybe having parts of Sora coming back to him might change him. Maybe Sora was kinder and more carefree than Roxas. So maybe, because of that, Roxas was now a little more open. Maybe he wouldn't be so reserved anymore.

When Roxas released him, Axel didn't know what to do. And by the look on his face … neither did Roxas.

"Whoa," the younger blonde said slowly. "Where did that come from?" Looking over at Axel, both of their faces red, Roxas steadily started to see a change in his bewildered expression … he started to see a twisted smile; a greedy smile that wanted more. Perhaps that kiss had been a bad idea... "Axel? What are you thinking?" he asked cautiously.

"I'm thinking you need to let me try that."

Roxas turned redder. "No, no, I think that maybe you should go to your own bedro–"

But Axel wasn't listening and didn't care. He's wanted this for a while now, because there was always a tiny bit of lust that came before the love. So he reached over and grabbed the back of Roxas's head, weaving his fingers in between his golden blonde hair.

It was sudden but Roxas felt Axel's hot hand in his hair, and his tongue finding it's way to Roxas's lips. "Axel –" he gasped, trying to break free. "I didn't want –"

But his body reacted otherwise.

Roxas's fighting grip started to waver as his own tongue began playing with Axel's in return. _**No, no, no,**_his conscience was saying, _**you shouldn't be doing this now, everything is wrong, this is wrong … what about Namine? Weren't you getting the feeling that she liked you? And exactly what is your orientation, Roxas? Are you gay?**__ I don't know! I guess so! I've always been a little blushy around Axel … and I think I love him, too … __**But this isn't a good time, Roxas! What about the memories? And Sora awakening? Aren't you worried at all about Xemnas and Saix and the rest of the Organization? **__Shut up, shut up! __**And what if this goes too far? What if you **__– I don't care! I don't care!_

He was arguing with his conscience, but his body had stopped arguing with Axel. His hands were arounf Axel's neck, holding on while Axel kissed him. Even if part of him – Roxas's so-called 'conscience' – thought that things could get too far, Roxas knew it wouldn't and he almost didn't care if it did. Because, who knows how much time he had left with Axel before...? But then again...

"Ax…el?" the blonde asked a little breathlessly.

"Yeah?" he replied dreamily.

"Maybe we should stop. How 'bout you just … lay next to me? Sleep with me like you did a couple days ago?"

"But why?" Axel asked, disappointed. Part of him wanted more than just wet kisses. The lusting part of him down below, anyway.

"Just … because … what if someone sees us?"

"Oh, is that all?" Axel smiled in a whisper.

"No, no … not all …" Roxas tried to say more, but Axel was moving in again with another kiss, less aggressive and instead more tender-like. Roxas decided that he liked these better, but his conscience was right, this probably will go too far. He pushed Axel off of him, even though he body didn't want him to. "No, no …"

Axel looked saddened by this. "Why?"

"Because … it doesn't feel right. Just not now, at least. Please, Axel. Not tonight."

Axel sighed, combing his hand through the front of his spikes. "Alright, have it your way."

"Thanks."

Later that night Axel had a terrible nightmare in which he woke up in Roxas's bed and found his body empty. And by empty I mean without a heart or soul or mind, just a lifeless body that used to be Roxas's. And in the nightmare Sora had come walking in, an evil look on his face as he said, 'Sorry Axel, but I needed him more than you.'

But Axel had woken up then, a cold sweat covering his body. It had been like Roxas was … dead.

Shivering without being cold, Axel propped himself up on one elbow and peered down at the blonde's sleeping form, and he sighed in relief when he saw his chest rise and fall with each breath. Protectively, he got closer to the younger boy and wrapped an arm around his torso, feeling his t-shirt with his fingertips paired with the warmth of his tinier body. It was a comfort after having such a nightmare. "What will happen to you after Sora wakens, Roxas? Will you really go where I said you might, or will you …" but he drifted off, not wanting to have that horrible nightmare replay in his mind.

"Just stay with me for now, won't you?" Axel whispered gently into his ear, knowing that Roxas couldn't hear him while he slept. "Stay because I love you, okay? Stay because of that."

Early that morning before the sun rose Roxas heard something in his dream. "Just stay with me for now, won't you?" it begged. In his dream he pictured Axel saying it to him in Twilight Town on the clock tower, both of them watching the sunset. "Stay because I love you, okay? Stay because of that."

And in the dream Roxas replied, 'Then I'll let love hold me hostage here.'


	14. Tears Like Ice Cream

In the morning after Roxas and Axel had realized what happened between them in their friendship – that thing happening being that they decided to take it further than just friendship – was the morning that Roxas had rolled out of bed, completely happy with how things were going, until a harsh memory split into his mind, causing him to yell so loudly it was nearly a scream.

Axel had been contently asleep until he heard a voice cut through his dreams and startle him awake. "Roxas!" he called, snapping up and looking around. Roxas lay on his side on his carpeted floor, moaning lowly here and there in pain, his hands on his temples, and his legs bent at the knees. "Roxas? What's happening to you?"

The blonde didn't respond, he was too wrapped up in what he was seeing in his mind's eye. Axel kneeled down next to him, helpless; what could he possibly do to help? Nothing, really. So he held Roxas's shoulder for comfort and watched his love's facial feature contort in pain… and something else, perhaps sadness? Or anger? Or even loss?

Roxas started to whisper names, and Axel leaned down so closely to hear them that he could feel Roxas's breath in front of his ear. "Riku … Kairi … Riku … Kairi … Ow! … Donald? Goofy? No, No … Ansem … Ansem the Wise … why, why … Kingdom Hearts is light! Riku, King Mickey … wait … No … the doors, the doors! … Kairi? … But what about me? … Pluto? It's Pluto! And that's the King's seal! Can you know where the King is? C'mon you guys! … A castle? … 'To lose is to find and to find is to lose'; What the hell does that mean? … Castle Oblivion! … Marluxia? Larxene? Vexen? ...Axel?"

At hearing his own name, Axel briefly remembered meeting Sora. And with the names Roxas just said … it reminded him of when a few of those people nearly died because of a stupid plan Marluxia had to take over the Organization. It failed, of 'course; but still … Roxas was remembering all of this? _I wonder what he'll mutter next … _Tears were streaming down Roxas's cheeks, and Axel briefly wondered if he was in pain from the intensity of all of this.

"Ah, ouch! … What, huh? … Lose my memory? … Important to me … Namine! Namine-chan! Doushite … Riku? … Remember? But remember what?! … A long sleep … I know, forgotten, but not lost."

_Just what is he seeing? _Axel thought as he watched Roxas settle down, the pain seeming to dwindle, droplets of sweat glittering on his forehead. "Roxas?" he said softly, combing back some blonde hair. "Can you hear me, aibou?"

It had come so suddenly, this memory. Quicker than the others to point where Roxas had no time to react. The only reaction he was able to get out was a shocked yell until he found himself inside a whirlwind of memories, coming scattered and sharp in his mind.

Disconnected from his body and placed as Sora in the memories, they started off pleasant enough as childhood memories back on the island: Riku and Sora (even though it felt like it was Roxas) exploring a cave; 'Maybe there's a monster in there!' 'Let's go see!'…

Then out of childhood and into later times with Kairi talking to him on a dock above the water, telling him to never change…

And then Riku in Castle Oblivion, only Larxene says that he's a dummy or clone of some sort? …

Coming up next was: Kairi had her heart inside of Sora? So he could feel himself taking Riku's keyblade and forcing it into his chest … Donald and Goofy screamed, 'No, Sora!' 'Sora, no, don't!' But it had been too late.

Immediately after, another memory came, with Ansem in it; and Roxas could feel Sora's hatred boiling up inside him. 'Ansem the Wise' they used to call him, but at this point Roxas was thinking: _'Ansem the Wiseass' is more like it. _…

And then something else, **a vision that wasn't a memory at all,** but something strange almost from another time or place: Roxas saw him and Sora, a little older than they were now, going to a high school of some sort … but that wasn't the weirdest thing. They were calling each other 'onii-san' and they both had hearts of their own, and people would say, 'Here come the twins!'; it was like somewhere else, far from now – perhaps in another life – they were brothers and good friends. Why, why was he seeing this? What was it for? Is he seeing the _future_?

… And then he was back to seeing memories of Sora, the first one being Sora calling out, 'I know now, without a doubt, Kingdom Hearts is** light**!' And Ansem was being blinded by the light coming from behind two tall, white doors. But then they had to seal those doors, Riku working with King Mickey to do so. But wait, wait! We can't lock you inside! Riku was trying to say something to Sora, but it was like all the sound was drowned out by the beating of Sora's heart.

… More images kept coming, like seeing Kairi after the doors closed, and then making a promise to her, and then everything fading away … and more still, about chasing the King's dog Pluto through fields of grass and blue skies, and then coming to a castle, and someone in a black cloak saying, 'To lose is to find and to find is to lose', and Sora was confused by that, and then Roxas knew where they were: Castle Oblivion.

And even more memories still, just coming and coming without warning, mercy, or feeling; in fact, they had** so much** feeling that it was overpowering. Roxas's skull was splitting in two. He could feel himself crying. Vaguely he heard his voice muttering something, but it sounded so very far away.

He saw Namine and Organization members, and cards and worlds 'created from the memories in his heart'. 'Remember … Remember who is most important to you …' And Sora was fighting Repliku, but then everything was dark for a moment, until Namine appeared, talking to Sora. Telling him that she messed up his memories but she could still fix them. It would mean a long sleep, she said …

Everything was so jumbled, so fast, so sharp and crystal clear. It was like watching a movie in high definition and fast-forward but then flipping it to rewind, and then skipping to other scenes all together.

Which lead him to the last memory, the last thing Sora has in his heart in all of the chains of his memories: his voice, which sounded nothing like Roxas's, saying to Namine, 'I know, forgotten, but not lost.' And lastly his mind thinking: _Fading memories, reconstructed memories; And a dream ... a dream of you in a world without you. _

_Is that Kairi or Namine?_ Roxas briefly thought as the pain subsided and he was being brought back to reality.

"Roxas?" said Axel's voice and the blonde's eyes started to flutter open. "Can you hear me, aibou?"

"Axel…?" Roxas said vaguely in response. His body felt heavy and his small half-heart was beating rapidly. He could feel sweat dampening his forehead and cold tear trails on his cheeks. "Help me up," he mumbled.

"Sure thing, buddy," Axel said softer still, grasping Roxas's hand and yanking him upwards to his feet. But it was slightly too fast; Roxas's heavy-feeling body came crashing down on Axel, both of them falling onto the bed. "Ouch."

"Gomen," Roxas grumbled, trying to pull himself up. "I just … my body feels funny." His whole time he hadn't looked at Axel's face, but now he did: and it was a sight to see. It was a mix of emotions, a twisted shape of concern, sadness and confusion. The redhead obviously had been a little scared, too, because on top of that his face was white. "Axel? You okay?"

"Help me up." Roxas had said, and it took Axel a moment to redeem himself. When he finally did, he pulled on the blonde's hand – but a little too quickly – which cause an unexpected amount of weight to come crashing down on him, making his fall onto the bed. Roxas was now on top of him, and Axel could feel his face flush a little.

"Gomen, I just … my body feels funny." _Well that'd not good,_ Axel thought, _what if he's returning to Sora now? I don't want that to happen yet, it'd be too soon!_ The entire time that Roxas had been writhing on the floor and even now, Axel had been worried and a tad scared. But he now was slightly saddened, because he had no idea how much time was left. _That had been quite the memory attack,_ Axel realized, _so he might be leaving me sooner than I think! _

"Axel?" his beloved friend asked, "You okay?"

Axel shook himself and lifted his body up into standing position, walking passed Roxas. He began pacing the room, his hand rubbing the back of his head. "Kami, Roxas, I should be asking you that. But since you asked, I gotta say: **No**, I am not okay. I just witnessed for myself one of your little episodes, and it scared the shit out of me, and at the same time, it made my chest ache with worry. Do you have any idea what it's like for me to sit there and watch you, nothing at all for me to do? It's sickening."

Roxas was silent, not responding. Axel saw the blonde glance at the clock, which Axel could see for himself read 8:29 a.m. Funny, it's only Tuesday, their mission being just yesterday morning. So much as happened since then.

"Roxas, I know you're probably lost in thought, but hear me out, okay?** I. Don't. Want. To. Lose. You,**" he said, framing each word. "Got it memorized? That's what I'm afraid of, what I'm dreading, and what that last episode might mean: that's I'll lose you, and _soon_. But I don't want to! Do you? Do you want to be whole this way? In a way where you're away from me? Because I don't think it's very fair, not at all."

He had started to pace again after 'got it memorized', so he didn't see Roxas turn to him, or Roxas standing up, or Roxas standing in the way of his slow pace. So when Axel had turned around on his pace back, he stopped and found himself in front of Roxas. "What's that I see, Axel? It's rare to find a tear on your face." And then Roxas reached up and wiped it off, and for a second Axel though he saw Roxas's fingers brought to his lips, tasting the tear. Had he really seen just that?

Surprised at the gesture, Axel stood there for a moment, his lips parting slightly in shock. He just watched as the blonde smiled and said, "That's funny; your tears are hotter and taste sweeter than mine. Like warm sea-salt ice cream."

So he really had tasted it. Strange, but kind of romantic in an unexplainable way. "Salty-sweet like ice cream, huh?" Axel said lowly, a sad smile on his face. Another tear dared to spill out, but he wiped it away.

Roxas closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Axel's waist, his head barely touching Axel's chest because of their height difference. Axel returned the hug, grateful that he still had Roxas with him, because someday soon he wouldn't be there at all.


	15. Friday is the Deadline

It wasn't like the world was ending. And how can it end when they live in The World That Never Was? But that's beside the point. The point is that things were starting to spiral downwards, and it felt like everything was about to come to an end.

But that's getting ahead.

A few chapters ahead, in fact. So …

Maybe things should start not long after where it left off, which is after Roxas had had a very unpleasant attack of memories. And it's strange to think that it was all because he was getting closer to being with Sora again.

_Wait, __again__? Does that mean that I was with him before?_ And Roxas realized that that was right: he was always with Sora before. Always, ever since Sora was born, Roxas was inside his heart somewhere. Odd, but true. Because everyone has a shadow, and what is a Nobody other than the shadow of someone else?

Everyone was on a chore exchange schedule in he castle to make sure that everything gets done that needs to, and so that not one person is left with all the work. Because of this somewhat random order of chores, Roxas was stuck in front of the stove this morning. He had decided to make pumpkin spice pancakes, which is something only he knows how to make. Funny how normal it all seems when it in actuality it was all wrong. Coffee was brewing in the machine and a side order of sausage was in the pan, the griddle full of pancakes ready to be flipped. It smelled great, and despite how uneasy he felt, Roxas was **starving**.

"Roxy-kun, you look kinda down. Are you okay?" Demyx asked as he held out a plate for his food.

"Huh?" Roxas asked, distracted. "Oh. Um, well … it's complicated, Demyx. I'm just not myself lately." He plopped two steaming hot pancakes on Demyx's plate, along with a large helping of syrup.

"Well, I noticed that," Demyx said as he grabbed a fork. "Normally you would be all attitude-y and sour-acting and silent, but instead you've been a little lighter, a little more smiley, and you talk a teensy bit more. We never know what's going on in your head, Roxy. But lately you've at least said somehting compared to nothing. Which is good, becuase it makes me feel like if you can talk, I can help." And then he walked away to go sit down and eat.

_Hmm, lighter and more smiley, eh? That's funny, I don't recall being sour before. Maybe I was a little dark when I first joined compared to now,_ Roxas thought as he served up someone else. _Maybe it's because of Sora, since he's supposedly a nice person … or maybe it's because of Axel and my newly-found love for him?_ Roxas smiled at the word 'love', especially when it was said so casually in his mind._ But it's strange … I got this feeling like my time is limited, and that there's something I need to do before I go. And this time, I know it's because of Sora. I just wish I knew when I'll have to join him; if I knew, I might be able to prepare or something. I don't know how I'd prepare, but one place to start would be to do that thing I keep feeling that I have to do. But just what, exactly, do I need to do? _

At the moment, though, he couldn't do anything except serve people – and himself – breakfast. But soon, very soon, things are going to happen … and it's going to change everything that Number XIII thought he knew.

"What do you want, Saix?" Roxas sneered as Saix approached him later that day, after noon.

"Oh, nothing from you; quite the opposite, actually: I'm giving you something. Something I know you want."

"Oh really? What would that be?"

"Information."

Roxas's face changed. "What kind of information."

"_Where Sora is_."

Roxas was speechless for a second. But then his suspicions arose. "And what possessed you to give me such information? Surely it's not wise to tell me where my other half is."

Saix sighed. "You don't trust me and Superior anymore, do you? Such a shame. It also makes us want to not trust you."

Roxas looked sideways at Saix. "Who ever said I didn't trust you? Maybe I'm just a little suspicious because you originally started fixing Sora's memories, **knowing **that they'd affect me, and you two never warned me or anything. You kept things from me, and you still are."

Saix nodded. "Point taken. But we're getting off topic; do you want to know where Sora is or don't you?"

The blonde frowned. "Depends of whether or not you're going to tell me a truthful answer or not. Because you could just tell me that he's in one place when really he's somewhere else."

"Ah," said Saix, "So you **don't** trust me. But it's very understandable. Fine, if it will ease your mind, I swear on my life that I will tell you the truth in Sora's whereabouts."

"Glad you didn't say 'cross my heart'," Roxas retorted, "'Cause then I wouldn't have believed you."

"Smart boy."

"Now, _where is he_?" Roxas emphasized.

"Have you ever heard of a 'haunted mansion' in Twilight Town?"

"Come to think of it... yeah, I do. I remember Hayner, Pence, Olette and I visiting it a couple times. Back before I joined the Org, of 'course."

"But of 'course. And do you know what lies inside that mansion?"

"Nope; no one knows. The gates are under lock and key."

"But you have a key, don't you, Roxas? Two, in fact."

Roxas's keyblades appeared as if on cue, their cold metal falling into his palms. "I guess I do."

"That's right," Saix smiled. "So when you're … ready … you can go and visit him. Maybe as your final act. It'd be nice, wouldn't it? Seeing as how your body and soul are the last two things that compete the puzzle that is Sora."

"What do you mean by, 'when I'm ready'?"

"In two days time," Saix smirked evilly, "Is what I mean by ' when you're ready'."

"So you're saying that I have no choice, is that it?!" Roxas roared angrily, his voice rising.

Still smiling, Saix replied, "I suppose you could put it that way. Superior told me to tell you this; he said that you'd probably ask us anyway even if we didn't tell you. Because you were wondering how long you have left, weren't you?"

"Yes I was, but that's beside the point! You're forcing me back into Sora for your own plans, and I don't think I like the sound of that!"

"Now, now, Roxas; no one ever resists Organization XIII, remember? I'd keep that traitorous mouth of yours shut."

Scowling, the blonde bit his lip to hold back any more comments. And with his keyblades in his hands, he was so very tempted to run over and attack Saix … but he held back, for Axel's sake; because if he did something to get thrown out of the Organization, he'd be torturing Axel (and himself).

"Now listen Number XIII, and listen carefully: when Friday comes around and you're rejoined with Sora, which will be when we'll tell everyone what's been going on. This whole time Superior and I have been saying that Sora was coming back, and what our plans are for him, but we never specified to them what was going to happen to you. In fact, no one knows that you're Sora's Nobody except XI, VIII, Namine, XII, IV, Superior and myself. The rest don't. And the four of Marluxia, Larxene, Vexen and Axel only know because of a while ago when they tried (and failed, might I add, Roxas) to take over the Organization, they had hacked into our network and took out that information. Because you see Roxas, we knew that we'd get a Nobody out of Sora; which is the exact information they took. Anyhow, I find myself drifting from the point."

"Yeah, I've been wondering where you were getting to." Roxas said gruffly.

Saix brought himself up a little taller, not liking Roxas's tone. "My **point,** Roxas, is that you are not to speak to anyone about your limited time. You are going to carry on as of nothing is wrong, and then early Friday morning before the sun rises you _will_ go to that mansion and you _will _complete Sora. End of discussion. Good day, Number XIII."

_How ironic, _Roxas thought as he walked back to his room. _I wanted to know when I'd have to go to Sora so that I could prepare; but now that I know, I'm not sure how to prepare ... and I still don't know what that thing I feel like I have to do is. _


	16. Emotional All Around

So the rest of today, all of Wednesday, and then all of Thursday was the only time Roxas had left. The only time he had to be himself and only himself; the only time to spend with Axel; the only time to figure out and hopefully accomplish that one thing he feels that he must do …

But all of that seems like too much, nearly impossible to complete. Oh, how Roxas wished that someone had the answers! Wasn't there someone out there? And then Roxas smiled in a crooked way. _I'm sure Sora will find the answers_, he thought, _because he's me._ That seems familiar. Like something from a dream. 'A dream of you in a world without you' … hmm, now that one was definitely familiar. But aside from all the familiarity, Roxas was genuinely puzzled. How was he supposed to do everything he wants and needs to with only about 48 hours left (if you take out some hours for sleeping)?

Roxas this whole time had been pacing wildly in his bedroom, his socks probably charging up with static electricity on the carpet. Because of this, he was a little startled when his thoughts were shaken free by the sound of someone knocking on his door. "Roxas-san?" asked a quiet female voice.

"Come in Namine," Roxas replied, walking over to his desk and taking the chair, offering it to Namine while he took the beanbag chair. "You look nervous." He realized, looking at her soft face. "Something on your mind?"

"Y-yeah. I… well, I head you talking to Saix."

"And?"

"And… I heard you get angry. I gave you a little time to cool of before I came to talk to you about it. I wanted to tell you that I didn't know it was going to be so soon. I thought you had another week, at least."

"Huh?" Roxas frowned. "But if you're the one restoring Sora's memories … shouldn't you know when it'll all be done?"

"W-well, no, not entirely … Roxas, how are you taking this, really? Of the times that we've spoke recently, you still never told me how you felt about all of this. And although Xemnas-sama would disagree, I think that you have enough of a heart by now to have feelings about the situation. So do you mind sharing?"

At first Roxas was going to tell her, 'Yeah, I sure as hell mind!', but he realized that he actually didn't mind. That first thing would have been the old Roxas speaking, but right now – what you may call the 'new Roxas' that Demyx had described at breakfast this morning – he felt like sharing. He wanted her to know just what he thought about all of this.

"You know what, Namine? I will tell you how I feel about it. Normally I would've, but I see that I'm different now."

She smiled lightly. "That's good."

The male nodded, a different kind of smile on his face. He lamented: "To start off with, I was confused and resentful. I hated that sharp pain that seared my mind and after it happened a few times, I knew that it would happen again, which made me resentful. And I was utterly confused about what all of those visions – which, before I figured out that they were memories, I thought they were – meant. I wanted answers but of 'course no one would know the answers. So I kept them to myself, which worried a few people since I was always found unconscious somewhere. I was a little scared at first, too, since it was dangerous to black out like that."

"And what about later?"

"Later, after I knew that they were memories, my confusion increased. Can you imagine not knowing what the source is? It made me feel like I was going insane or something. And let me tell you Namine, when I figured out – and proven mostly correct – where they did originate from, it made me almost sad. Because, really, to know that I have another half who is another person and yet the same person, someone who has had an entire life outside of the one I've know, it made me feel like … well … _Nobody_. Ironic, eh? But feeling like no one special or real saddened me."

"I'm so sorry Roxas, I had no idea –"

"I'm not finished. Because next, I started to feel lost, because I had no idea who my other half was or if I'd meet him or where he was. And then I found out his name, and that helped; it made a few major things click into place. After I knew that he was Sora, though, the memories came clearer and in vast quantities all at once, like a rushing waterfall. It hurt so much, those memories after I knew his name, but for some reason I felt better. I felt like I was growing inside, like I was in a metamorphosis into someone better. Because I was always bitter before, wasn't I? Reserved, too. But what am I now? I'm someone a little more caring, a little more talkative. Demyx said that I smiled a little more often, too. So, I began to think, maybe reuniting with Sora wasn't such a bad thing."

"You're right, it's not! You'll get to be whole –"

"I'm still not finished! Because then I started to ask myself where I'd go or be when that happened. And I realized that I'd probably be part of him again, like I used to, which I don't remember very much … but I know that ever since he was born he had me in him somewhere. And now that I've been released from him and out on my own as my own person, I'm not so sure I want to go back. Because I have someone … um … _very close_ to me, and I don't want to lose them or have them lose me just because I become 'whole'."

"So you're saying … that you'd rather stay yourself?"

Roxas shook his head. "Not quite; I'm saying that I want to exist without being trapped. I want to be a Somebody instead of a Nobody. I want to_live_."

Namine looked down. "But … you can't have that, Roxas."

"Not in this life, no; but maybe later in another one."

Namine's head shot up, her blonde hair bouncing. Her indigo eyes were widened slightly. "Another life…?"

"Sure. Haven't you ever thought about it?" Roxas inquired. To him, another life made sense. Because, for a brief moment, he saw one … in where him and Sora were twin brothers, equals, both people with their own hearts.

"Well, no … but … hmm. Another life. I'd like to have one."

"Maybe you will. And I'd see you there."

"If we do, then I'll be waiting for you." She replied, smiling happily with her lips closed.

The day passed, and it was terribly uneventful. By dinner Roxas felt helpless since he hadn't done anything before his time ran out. And the worst thing was … he still hadn't told Axel. He'd wanted to, but also didn't want to because he hadn't wanted to worry him. Three times already he's tried today to talk to Axel and tell him about the Friday deadline, but he had failed all three times. The first he failed because he hadn't had the heart to (heh, a pun), the second Axel had to go do something instead, and the third time someone came into the room (Xigbar) so he couldn't say a world.

* * *

**Flashback 1:**

"_Axel? There's something I've got to –" Roxas tried, but he was yanked into a hug._

"_Hey there Rox!" Axel said, burying his face into Roxas's hair. And then he whispered, "Can I have a kiss from this morning's cook?" he said, mocking the apron that Marluxia wears when he cooks a meal that read, 'kiss the cook!' with a pair of pink lips at the bottom. _

"_But Axel, it's impor–" But Axel went ahead and kissed him, even though Roxas hadn't said yes. And of 'course he had to slip in his tongue, so of 'course that made Roxas forget what he was going to say, and of 'course they had to stop before someone saw them and move on. So in the end, Roxas didn't get to let Axel know about his time limit. _

* * *

**Flashback 2:**

"_Roxas!" Axel sing-songed happily as he came into the library later on where Roxas was on book duty. That was one of his chores for the day: putting back any left out books to their proper alphabetical shelves. _

"_Axel! Good thing you're here, I've been meaning to tell you –" _

"_Huh?" Axel said, startled as Luxord appeared behind him suddenly. The card player looked furious, which isn't a good thing. _

"_Axel," Luxord said, his teeth grinding. "It seems to me like you should be somewhere doing something right now. And yet you're not."_

_Axel looked clueless (but Roxas could tell that he was faking it). "Oh, and what might that be?"_

"_A chore of yours. That you _should_ have assigned today. And yet my name is displayed instead, and your name was taken off the list."_

"_Oh my!" Axel said, looking horrified. "What in the name of Kingdom Hearts could have possibly occurred?!"_

_Luxord looked even more pissed now. He retorted sarcastically, "Well I don't know, must have been someone with fire-related powers that torched his name off the list and scribbled mine down in the empty space."_

_Innocently, Axel replied, "My, my, what a shame. Who could have done that, I wonder? I could track him down if you want."_

_The card player couldn't stand it any longer. He pulled off his left black glove and slapped Axel's face. "You bastard, I know it was you! Now go do your damn chore!"_

"_But I hate mopping the floors! It takes forever since there are so many! What with the hallways and the kitchen and the foyer and the entrance hall and the conference room –"_

"_Then you better get started." Luxord sneered, holding out a tall mop and large bucket with wheels, similar to the kind you might find a school janitor using. _

_Axel cursed under his breath. Angrily he snatched up the mop and bucket, heading for the door. Before he left, he called out, "I'll see you later, Roxas-kun!"_

_And another chance was blown to smithereens. _

* * *

**Flashback 3:**

So the first two times hadn't worked out quite according to plan, _Roxas had thought later that day. _But next time I can tell him about the two days we have left. He'll be sad but at least he'll know.

_But unfortunately, when he had finally found Axel in the living room watching TV, he had only been able to mutter the words, "Axel, there's something important I've been meaning to tell you all day," when Xigbar had strode into the room, arguing on the phone to someone. _

_And that was the end of that._

_So instead, Roxas wasted his time being held by Axel while they watched random things on the television. Which was nice in it's own way, but he was urgently needing to tell Axel about the two days! And when Xigbar left it was time for dinner, which meant everyone, which meant he still couldn't tell Axel._

* * *

**Which brings us to present time, dinner: **

Zexion had cooked this time, so it was a delicious Italian banquet full of fettuccine alfredo with mushrooms, garlic bread, a tossed salad made of baby spinach leaves, cherry tomatoes, almonds and carrot shreds topped with a unrecognizable (but quite tasty) vinaigrette. The older members got to have a succulent red wine, while as the underage ones like Demyx, Roxas, and Zexion himself (although Axel technically was as well, they knew he's steal it anyway so they allowed him some) had to deal with having red grape juice. But despite that little fact, it was an amazing dinner since some of the books Zexion reads are cook books.

"Heya Roxy, could you pass meh the promissan cheese, please?" Axel's slurred voice asked.

Roxas hadn't noticed what anyone else had been doing, he had been too busy choking down his food since they don't eat this good all the time (usually only when Zexion or Xaldin cook). But now he realized that maybe he should have paid more attention because Axel sounded a little … "Um, Axel? Just how much wine have you had?"

"Only five itsy-bitsy glasses. C'mon Roxy, lighten up; you know I nevar get dwunk."

"But you sure sound pretty… loopy. You keep mispronouncing things, which is unlike you."

"Yeah, maybeh I am a little, but I'ma stoppin'. OHMIGAWD!" Axel shrieked as his elbow tipped his glass over and spilled wine all over him and Roxas. "Shit."

"Haha! Seems like you two have to go change. But please, _only_ change and do so in _separate_ rooms, won't you?" Larxene teased from across the table.

"Damn yew, Larxene! You always gotta say somthin', don't cha?" Axel said, standing up a bit too quickly and swaying on his feet.

Larxene smiled at the 'happy' Axel. "I'd watch that wine if I were you, Axel; you never know who could take advantage of you when you pass out from it later."

"Ah, shaddup. I'll beh fine. That was my last glass, anyways." The redhead snapped.

"Okay big guy. That's good to hear that's you'll be taking it easy," she smirked back.

"Oh you little betch." Axel huffed, swaying a little more.

"Alright Axel, that's enough. Just go change. Roxas, would you help him, please? He's wobbling on his feet; besides, that wine spilled on you as well." Marluxia said, taking authority since everyone else was snickering in their seats, some just trying to eat and hide it. (Although Zexion wasn't laughing. But then again, when has he ever?)

"Sure thing, Senpai." Roxas replied to the pink-haired Org member. "Come on Axel," he sighed, grabbing Axel's forearm.

"Roxy," he sniffed, "Larxene's being mean to meh!"

"I know, I know…" he said as they went through the kitchen doors. "But we have to change that wine-stained cloak."

* * *

Up in Axel's room, Roxas got out a new pair of pants and cloak from the closet.

The redhead was obviously on the brink of being trashed, one more glass of wine in such a sort time probably being the last straw, which luckily things hadn't come to.

"Can you dress yourself?"

"Of 'course I can, silly! I'm not dwunk, rem'mber?"

Roxas shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Dear Lord, Axel! What the hell made you drink so much wine? Normally you don't do something like that. And you know how you get when you're –"

"I told yew, I'ma not dwunk yet!" he snapped, snatching up the cloak and pants in one hand while unzipping his stained cloak with the other. It fell to the floor while Axel set down the clean clothes and struggled to hop out of his black pants. Roxas giggled at the sight, because Axel cursed every time he tripped and fell. When Axel had finally got himself dressed, he collapsed into the bed. "Waaah, I don't like this!"

"It's your fault for drinking so much."

"Nuh-uh," Axel whined. "It's yours."

Roxas blinked. He sat down on the bed next to Axel, who had his hand resting on his forehead. "Mine?"

"I feel dizzy."

"Axel," he sadi with a shake to the older boy's shoudlers, "Why is it my fault?"

"'Cause you're gonna leave meh!" Axel mumbled in reply, tears in his eyes. This happens when he drinks; he's the emotional drunk. He'll cry or get extremely violent or even really hyper. It depends on what's on his mind when he gets drunk, but in this case he turned into the crybaby since he bottled up his emotions until now. So, being loosened (too loose!) by the alcohol, he began to blubber about what drove him to drink. "I tried to act like it wuz all okay, Roxy, but I know'd that in two dayz you'd have to go bye-bye and leave meh heawtbwoken. I didn't tell you because I know'd that it would hurt you, so instead I acted like nothing wuz wrong. But I hearded Xemnas talkin' to Saix about it. And it made meh mad! Why, Rox? Why are they making you do this? Whyyyy?"

At this point Axel was lying in Roxas's lap, crying like the blonde had never seen him cry before. Come to think of it, he's personally never seen Axel cry at all besides that one time in his room yesterday. "Axel...?" he asked slowly while running his fingers through the redhead's spikes.

"Hmm?" he sniffed, settling down a little.

"All day I was trying to tell you that I only had until early Friday morning, but things kept getting in the way. And I don't know why except that they want to use Sora for some kind of plan of theirs, and they need me to fulfill him. But … I wish it didn't have to be this way."

"Me neither," Axel whispered, his voice hoarse. He cleared his throat, his crying officially done. Wiping away the taars he said, "But I 'ppose that that's how it has to be. I jus' wish …"

"That we could have another chance?"

"Yeah. I wish that things were diff'rent. Maybe I could see yew… in the next life?"

Smiling at how déjà vu this was, he replied the way Namine had to him: "Yeah; I'll be waiting."

"Please do," he muttered, rolling out of Roxas's lap and onto his bed. "Wait for… me…" and then Axel was fast asleep, the alcohol taking effect.

* * *

_Poor Axel, _Roxas thought later on in his room. _He was so depressed by my limited time with him that he took it out on the wine. Dumb, but understandable. _

Roxas sat in his beanbag chair, a notebook and pencil in his hands. He wanted to brainstorm everything he wants to do before his time is up. A couple was stupid or cheesy, like having sea-salt ice cream in Twilight Town, or sing (with Demyx on his Sitar) for the hell of it. And popped into Roxas's head that he didn't dare write down because they were either too perverted or much too embarrassing (and they all included Axel) … damn hormones.

In the end the blonde couldn't think of that one important thing he felt he had to do, and his little list had so many scribble-outs that it looked like a mess of flies caught in a spider's web. Moaning in a helpless way, Roxas tore out the list from the spiral notebook. He crumpled it up and threw it aimlessly towards the trash can near his desk. It missed. But Roxas knew it would.

He tossed down the pencil and notebook, heaving himself out of the beanbag chair. He stood staring at his clock, it's numbers flashing a bright red 8:52 p.m. _Great, _Roxas thought bitterly, _I've wasted practically twelve hours and did nothing. I'll sleep, which is wasting time, an then I'll get up and it'll be Wednesday, and I'll probably just keep wasting time until I wake up before dawn on Friday to find myself standing in front of Sora, saying, 'hey, why don't cha open up and let me in, Sora 'o' buddy 'o' pal!' God, there's got to be something I'm meant to do before that happens! Just ... what is it?!_


	17. Our Time is Running Out

Axel's alarm clock went off, jerking him awake with a snort. He groaned and rolled towards it, slamming the off button. What had happened last night? His head felt like it had been run over by something. And slowly he remembered having the equivalence of an entire bottle of wine in one sitting (plus a little more). _I'm never doing that again,_ Axel thought as he sat up and rubbed the sand out of his eyes. Hangovers are killer.

Groggily Axel pulled himself out of bed, grabbed a clean pair of boxers and walked down to the bathroom for a shower. He had apparently slept in his cloak and pants, which he remembers used to have wine on them. Hmm, he must have changed them before going to sleep. Anyway, since they were mostly clean (if not a bit wrinkly), he could just re-wear them.

As the cool water trickled down his hair and dripped onto his back, Axel's thoughts became less hazy. A refreshing shower on hangover mornings, he found, were the perfect cure for fuzzy-headedness.

But as his head cleared, his memory of last night came into view: Roxas had been with him, and they had talked about something … now what was it again? And slowly the redhead realized what he had said and how he had acted, and he flushed crimson in embarrassment. _Holy shit,_ he thought, _I acted like some kind of retarded five-year-old. Damn. And it was in front of Roxas, too. That sucks. _

Out of nowhere there was a knock on the door. "I'm using the shower, asshole! Find another bathroom to use!" Axel barked.

"Now is that how you talk to your Superior?" came Xemnas's muffled voice.

"What the hell?!" Axel gasped under his breath as he turned off the water to hear clearly. "What do you want?"

"Nothing," came Xemnas's reply, "Except to warn you not to interfere like I have a feeling you might."

Number VIII decided to play dumb. He called out, "I don't know what you mean, Xemnas; interfere with what?"

"You very well know what; and let me inform you about something: the punishment for disobeying might be worse than you think."

"Like what? You'll turn me into a brainless Dusk?"

"Worse than that; hmm, how shall I put it? You'll … disappear. Ah yes, I believe that is the proper phrase. Anyway, Number VIII, I wanted to tell you this as early as possible to stop any ideas you might have. Good day."

And then all Axel could hear were his retreating footsteps down the hallway.

He stood behind the shower curtain, dripping wet and for once in his non-existence … cold. So he turned the knob in the shower to scorching hot, and then released the water on himself; his skin turned pink and tingled as it burned, but at least his body temperature was feeling normal.

* * *

_I wonder how Axel is this morning, _Roxas thought as he started to wake himself. _I hope he didn't puke after I left last night._

The blonde stretched and yawned, the sunlight coming from his window warming him up. It felt oddly good right now, everything did: good night's sleep, warmed skin, no painful memories for a while, and he knew that he and Axel, for now, could be together. It seemed pretty good.

Of 'course, though, it wasn't good in reality. He had only today and tomorrow left until he would join Sora and be who knows where afterwards. And there was still that thing he felt the urge to do, and yet he had no idea what it was!

Roxas frowned at this, because he knew it was true. But maybe … maybe for his last moments here, he could, perhaps, just forget about every little thing and just try to relax and be content with each moment he's in? But then again, if he did do that, it would be out of character. Roxas knew that this sort of thing was impossible for him to do since he was the over-thinking and somewhat angsty type. Even now with part of Sora coming back to him he couldn't fully act that way. Maybe … maybe things were meant to be this way. Maybe it's for the best that his time limit was set and that his personality reminded him of the fact. Maybe it was okay that things were wrong and weren't going to get better.

Who was he trying to kid? Things are never okay and right when they were off and wrong. He was only kidding himself.

But there was something else tugging at Roxas's mind, something that told him that one more thing was about to go horribly wrong, unless it already has. There was a sinking feeling in his gut that told it had to do with Axel, too. Which didn't help, not one bit.

_I should go find Axel, _Roxas thought with the sudden craving to be with the redhead. _I need to check to make sure that wine didn't mess him up too badly … and I have to speak with him about this feeling I got in my stomach. It could get really ugly, and if my gut's right and it's about Axel, then I have all the more reason to talk to him about it. _

* * *

Axel shoved a spoonful of cereal into his mouth, the sweet taste of sugar and unneeded carbohydrates coating his tongue.

"Morning, Axel."

"Hmm?" Axel looked up to see Roxas's cerulean blue eyes looking at him. Roxas pulled up the other stool to the breakfast bar and sat down next to him, a piece of charcoaled bacon in his hand. "Oh, hey Rox. Morning to you, too."

"You seem kind of down. Is it about … um … the time that's running out?" Roxas hinted, looking around to make sure no one heard nor understood what he meant.

"Sort of. I'll talk to you about it later." The redhead replied vaguely. "Where no one can overhear. Ha, it's almost like we know something top secret." He joked with a lame half-smile on his face.

Roxas threw the reminder of the bacon in his mouth, nodding but not really replying.

"I wish I hadn't been a dumbass last night and got drunk like I had." Axel grumbled, changing the topic.

"Nah, you weren't a dumbass; you just weren't acting very smart," Roxas said with a smile, trying to lighten the aura his friend was giving off.

"Isn't that the same thing?" It worked. Axel smiled the tiniest bit.

"Not necessarily," Roxas grinned, "But anyway, I don't blame you for doing it. It wasn't the best way to handle … um … that one thing, really."

Axel nodded. "Mhm."

There was a pause, then Roxas started chuckling for no apparent reason.

"What the hell, Roxas?"

"N-nothing," he giggled, "Just… just that I thought of… thought of a sad song... that t-totally fits my situation."

"And that's funny how...?"

"Ironically, the lyrics fit pretty well."

"What song is it, then? Do tell."

"'These Little Wonders'."

"You're kidding me."

"No. I mean, just think about the lyrics … _'…in the end we will only just remember how it feels. All that lies in me, in these small hours, these little wonders; these twists and turns of fate. Time falls way, but these small hours, these small hours still remain.' _See? It's fate that's occurring; I'm supposed to complete Sora and there's nothing I can do about it. And time is falling away, only hours left. And there's another line, to: _'And I don't mind if it's me you need to turn to, we'll get by; it's the heart that really matters in the end.' _Which that last part sounded corny now that I just sang them out loud, but you get my point, right?"

Roxas had a pretty good singing voice when you let him. And in a ironic way, he's right; which made Axel crack up, too. "You know, sometimes I wonder what kind of logic you have."

"But I'm not wrong, am I? It fits pretty well, that song."

"Sure, but don't get too carried away." Axel teased.

"Oh shut up. It's silly but it just popped into my head, okay?"

"Sure, sure. But what I want to know is: where did you hear that song from, anyway?"

"Namine played it a lot for a while. I got a lot of the words memorized thanks to her." Roxas replied, rolling his eyes. But he was smiling warmly.

* * *

"You're pulling my leg, right? You're not … you're not serious, right?" was Roxas's reaction later when he and Axel sat in his bedroom. Axel had told him about what Xemnas had said when the pyro had been in the shower. Axel was lying on his back on the bed while Roxas, once again, occupied the chair Axel always had near the window.

"That's what he said all right. And the thing is: I really want to interfere. He actually gave me the incentive to when he said I couldn't, and the idea to when he brought it up."

"Axel, you idiot! That could get you erased! I don't want that to happen to you."

"And who ever said it would? No one would know, and if someone found out – especially Xemnas – then I would just run away. Wait a second … that might be the answer to our problem, Roxas! On the morning that you're supposed to leave and join Sora I could leave with you and instead of going to that mansion in Twilight Town, we can just escape to some other world!"

The blonde sadly shook his head. "No," he said, his voice quivering, "That'd never work. But thanks for trying."

"But Roxas... you told me in your visions about those other worlds... and it would be so _easy_..."

"No, it wouldn't. They'd just teack us down. Really, Axel, it's okay; I don't mind completing Sora. I just wish I had more time before I had to … well, that or if you and I would have gotten together sooner." Roxas half-joked at the end, but inside he meant every word.

Axel looked away for a moment. His mind were desperately searching for something he could propose that would somehow save Roxas from his so-called 'fate'. But just what was there? If it wasn't for Xemnas and his retarded plans for Sora …

Wait, that was it! "Roxas …"

"What?" the blonde grumbled, slouching low in the chair.

"Mutiny." Axel whispered, a twisted shape resembling a smirk on his face.

"What?!" Roxas screeched, sitting erectly. His heart (or what he had of one) began to beat wildly. "Mutiny? Against who … you don't mean … Xemnas? You can;t go against him!"

Axel shrugged, but his expression didn't change. "Sure, why not? Think about tough pirate captains that everyone grew to hate: didn't, at one point, the crew rise against their captain? Mutiny is certainly an option."

"Yeah, an option that would get us immediately killed!"

"He wouldn't kill you, you're too important to his plans; But if we succeed, there wil be no killing at all …"

"And what would you call succession, Axel? Xemnas's death?"

"Yes, actually."

"Wh-what?! I was_ kidding_!"

"But that's exactly what we'd have to do, Roxas! Think about it. It would solve everything! Hell, you and I could take over the Organization, and … and …"

"No, Axel. I don't think that's …" but part of him, deep down, liked that idea. Part of him thought that this was what he'd been feeling he needed to do. _Xemnas should die … it would stop everything …_ _**No, No! That's not right. That wouldn't solve anything. Think, Roxas: what is it you need to do? What was left unfinished? **I … I don't know … _Roxas shook his head. "Axel, forget about it, will you? It can't be helped. I'm just going to have to have fun while I can and then I'll have to go back to where I came from."

Axel sighed, his jade eyes appearing a little less bright. "Fine, have it your way. I'm just trying to help … because … I don't …"

"Want to lose me. I know. But things will turn out fine, I promise."

"How can you promise that?" Axel whispered. "That's a pretty nice lie you can tell yourself."

"But things will be fine! I swear."

"Whatever you say," the redhead sighed and turned away.

There was a pause, but the silence seemed right. Roxas got up and went over to Axel, who was laying on his side facing the door, away from the window where Roxas had been a moment ago. Without a word Roxas climbed into the bed behind Axel, who looked over his shoulder at the blonde.

"What are we going to do, Rox?"

"Just enjoy what time we have left," he replied simply, putting his arms around the older boy.


	18. Flustered Uke

It's hard to imagine what it's like to know you only had a certain amount of hours left to 'live'.

But then again, what does it mean to live? How do you enjoy 'life'? Do you make millions of dollars and then spend it all? Do you grow up and marry and have kids and watch them and their kids grow? Do you invent something or become a doctor or a teacher or some other important thing? Do you accomplish something great and win a Nobel Prize? Just what is it that you can do or have or become in order to live life? And out of all of those things … are you supposed to become happy and content? If you fulfill that life-living activity, do you gain happiness?

Vaguely Roxas was thinking along the lines of this as he snuggled up to Axel's warm and muscular back. They'd been like this for a little while now, perhaps half an hour, maybe more. Just lying together in silence, warm and comforting.

But still troubling thoughts entered Roxas's mind. It was strange to think that his 'existence' might come close to ending. Because Roxas still didn't know exactly where he'd be or what would happen when he became Sora once more. Would it be like sleep? Would it be like sitting in the darkness and watching from afar? Would he simply become Sora and not be Roxas at all anymore, destined to become part of Sora's subconscious?

Feeling pathetically lost, Roxas sighed, his breath grazing the back of Axel's neck.

"Ahh! Don't do that! It tickles." Axel chuckled, his hand swatting at the air behind him, motioning that Roxas shouldn't do it again.

Purposefully, Roxas spoke in a whisper right on Axel's neck. "Gomen, I promise I won't do it again."

"Ah! Dammit Roxas, I'm serious ..."

"_Hoo_," Roxas exhaled, again on Axel's neck.

"That's it, you're going to pay now!" the redhead laughed, turning over and pinning Roxas down.

"Shit!" Roxas gasped.

"Ha, can't move now, can ya?"

"C'mon, Axel!" Roxas struggled as Axel held down his wrists and sat on his legs. He squirmed under Axel's weight, trying to loosen his grip. "Get **off**."

The pyro smiled deviously. "You know you like it."

"That's not funny! Now get off!"

Still smiling, Axel looked down at the blonde. "I'm not sure I want to," he replied, his voice becoming low and seductive. He shifted his weight, but kept Roxas's wrists held tight and helpless.

"Axel, I'm warning you …" Roxas protested as Axel started to lean down towards him.

"Warning me about what?" Axel replied, leaning down further.

"Warning you not to do what I know you're thinking about doing," stated the blonde.

"Which would be what, Rox-kun?" he whispered, leaning down so that their noses were nearly touching.

Roxas let out a tiny noise, his breathing uneven. "I … I'm not sure …"

"You're such an uke, Roxas." Axel muttered before touching the younger boy's lips with his own.

_How do things come to this? _Roxas thought indistinctly. Part of him liked this idea, the hormonal part that wanted something from Axel before his time was up. But part of him, the old-Roxas part thought that Axel was a moron and doesn't deserve anything. And still something else in him that was worried someone might come in on them kissing like this. "I'm tempted … to just … kick your ass right now." Roxas muttered in between Axel's kisses.

"Are you now?" he teased in return.

"Hai," the blonde said, pushing up a little now that Axel had let go of his wrists. "Because I don't know if I like you being so pushy."

Axel gave a lopsided smile. "Maybe because I'm seme."

"Or maybe because you're just too horny all the time."

"Am not!"

"Yeah, well, you come off that way sometimes."

"But ... I … Maybe I'm just a little confused, okay? Maybe I've always kind of wanted this and now that you're about to leave me, I feel like I have to do it before I can't."

"What you just said made no sense."

The redhead got off of Roxas and sat cross-legged in front of him. Roxas sat up fully and stared at him. Axel shook his head. "I'm not asking for much."

"Yes you are. Or at least it feels like you are. To me it seems like you're asking for a lot; a **whole** lot."

Axel looked away, a little flustered. Roxas just sat looking at the disappointed features etched into his friend's face.

Roxas wondered for a second what to do now. And … what time was left, anyway? He glanced at Axel's bright orange-and-red flamed black clock (which stood out in the predominately white room). The green numbers displayed 2:40. It's been a few hours since breakfast and their little chat about Xemnas's warning around noon. They've obviously been together longer than Roxas had thought. But it's kind of funny … Roxas doesn't know what else to do before Friday morning other than to be with Axel. So …

The older boy cleared his throat. "So what, then, Roxas? Are we just going to sit here until Friday and wave a white handkerchief has you depart?" he said sarcastically, referring to some of those old black-and-white movies that Xaldin sometimes watches, in where a woman will wave her handkerchief at her loved one as his ship sails away to it's destined place. Which, at the moment, sounded somewhat depressing.

"No," Roxas replied firmly. "I'm just going to take a shower and think a few things over. You, on the other hand, should probably think over better ways to seduce me."

And with that he left the room, his mind working like a rusty grandfather clock. He partly wished that things weren't so rough between him and Axel. Because that way they could … well, that's not something very good to think about right now. Right now, maybe, Roxas should think about what the hell his 'conscience' was saying earlier about "What was left unfinished".

"Damn Roxas never let's me have any fun," Axel grunted to himself. "'Better ways to seduce me'… what a sarcastic brat."

That's just the thing about Axel: he pouts when he doesn't get his way. Not in the way a child may pout, but in the way most adults do: by complaining and mumbling to themselves because they didn't get what they wanted.

Taking out some paper from his end table drawer, Axel snapped his thumb and middle finger, creating a small flame, similar to a smoker's lighter. He torched a corner of it and put out the flame in his hand as he watched the paper brown and curl, the flames lapping up the paper's edge. Slowly parts of the paper turned black. The ashes fell to the carpet, but Axel didn't care if they got ground into it and stained it's white fibers. He flipped the paper around, allowing the flames to grow. Watching fire eat something eased his mind and cleared his thoughts, just like his cold shower did this morning for his hangover. It was just something that the pyromaniac did.

_There's something not right,_ Roxas thought as he paced his room, his socks creating plenty of static electricity (for the second time). _I still feel like something isn't right and going to happen, and paired with something that I have to do. And for some reason I know it involves Axel. But … just what … _

"Xemnas and his stupid threats. 'Don't interfere,' he says. 'You'll disappear', he says. Ha, that almost rhymes. But still … I don't like it. And I hate him. So why bother to listen to him? If I want to save Roxas from vanishing like he's about to, then I will. Xemnas can't stop me, and won't find out. And Roxas doesn't want me to get hurt, so I won't. I'll be on my toes. It'll be just like that plan of Marluxia's … only this time, it won't fail." Axel smirked as his second piece of charcoaled paper became nothing but ashes in his palm.

"Maybe I'm just hallucinating." Roxas thought aloud. He stopped his pace and shook his head. "Everything should go smoothly. No kinks in this knot, right?"

_But then again, Axel talked about mutiny and running away and not caring about Xemnas's warning. _"No, no," he confirmed, shaking his thoughts away. "I took care of that. Told him to forget it. And he said he would."

_No mutiny, Roxas. And you won't run away with me. But … I have something else up my sleeve. _

"Axel isn't that big of a moron, right? He won't try to interfere with my so-called 'destiny', right?"


	19. Partay In Da Wreck Room

A couple hours later that Wednesday evening Roxas went back to Axel's room to talk to him. He wasn't there, but that was fine. He was probably downstairs in the wreck room where most everyone else probably was right now.

Shrugging, Roxas turned and strolled down a couple flights of stairs to the foyer and turned right towards the stairs that lead to the wreck room. Demyx, he could hear, was playing DJ this afternoon. On Wednesdays in the Organization it's party days since it's rare for anyone to get a mission then. You literally get Wednesdays off but work weekends, so the middle of the week is like the end of the week.

"Everybody say 'hey'!"

"Heyyy!" came the unanimous reply.

"Everybody say 'whoa'!"

"Whoaaa!" came another round.

"Everybody say, 'let's go'!"

"Let's go, go, GO!" they cheered.

"Hey everyone, Roxas hath graced us with his presence! Decided to join us this time, Roxy-kun?" Demyx called from the back wall where a large sound system lay out before him. He had one muff of a set of heavy headphones up to his ear, his other hand turning a microphone to his mouth.

"Yeah, why not?" the blonde called.

Demyx smiled. "Good! Now we got one less emo kid around!"

A few Org members here and there were drinking and laughing or dancing or playing games along the sides. The atmosphere was energetic and carefree, everyone trying to just let go for a little while.

Roxas found Axel over by Demyx. He could see the redhead asking him something. Demyx gave a thumbs-up and shook his head 'sure' while Axel high-fived him and walked off.

The pyro came over to Roxas, clad in a pair of jeans and a bright green sleeveless shirt. He obviously knew that he was going to come here to party, unlike Roxas who was still dressed in his black uniform. "Hey there Rox," Axel said loudly over the music. "I asked Demyx to play something for me."

"Oh really? And what's that?"

"A classic. You'll know it when he plays it soon."

Roxas smiled, trying to let his worries go. He really should forget about that ridiculous voice in his head that told him something terrible was about to happen. Right now, he just said 'screw it' to everything and had a little fun. He never had much fun before, being the reserved, angsty 'emo kid' as Demyx had to bluntly put it.

A song came on just then and Axel cried, "This is it!"

For a second Roxas couldn't recognize it, but after the lyrics came over the speakers he began to laugh. It was "Take On Me" by A-ha, an old but memorable 80's song.

"Let's dance, aibou!"

"But Axel –"

"Don't sweat it!" He replied, barely audible over the music. He dragged Roxas by his hand over to the dance floor section of the wreck room where a slightly drunk Larxene (which is expected since a lot of Organization members drink to loosen up on Wednesdays) was swaying and bopping her head in time with the beat.

"Heya boys!" she said. "Come to grind on each other?" she added in a teasing tone.

"Only in your fantasies, Larx!" Axel replied. "Now c'mon Roxas," he said, turning away from Larxene and moving away to another part of the floor. "Show me some moves you've been hiding."

Roxas smiled nervously. "I don't know if I have any."

"Then just do this!" Axel replied, impersonating a robot with jerky movements and stiff limbs.

Roxas laughed. "You know I hate that!"

"Then what about this?" Axel said as his voice rose over the music. He started to do something like Napoleon Dynamite, but in his own style.

"Nah, I can't move like that," Roxas called to the redhead who was about four feet away dancing like he normally does, which was spicy and unpredictable like the fire he was so known for.

The blonde hesitated for a moment, wondering what to do. He never danced very much. He used to headbang to music in his room or fake playing drums, but he never actually danced. Although, now – with only about a day left – it seemed like a good time to start.

He closed his eyes and started tapping his foot, getting a sense of the bass's rhythm. Slowly he felt the rest of his body take the shape of the beat. He opened his eyes and saw himself dancing, although he didn't know how. Roxas was doing moves he's never heard of, but ones similar to things he's seen.

"Damn, Roxas! You never told me that you knew how to dance like that!"

"**I** didn't even know!" Roxas chuckled in reply as Axel came dancing closer to him.

Axel had never felt so elated. He was dancing with Roxas and he had a plan that could help save him, and the blonde didn't even know it. For all Axel knew, this could last forever.

Perspiration started dampening Roxas's body, so he walked off the dance floor for a moment to set down his cloak. He returned wearing a red t-shirt with the XIII-SQuash logo imprinted in purposely faded lettering.

"Thirsty?" Axel asked when Roxas came back over to him.

"Sure," he replied, following Axel off of the dance floor. "Anou … hey, Axel?"

"Huh?" the redhead replied as he grabbed two cans of XIII-SQuash. "Matches your shirt," he joked as he handed one of them to Roxas.

"Anou …" Roxas tried again as they walked over to the couch in the corner of the room. Axel took the liberty of plopping down onto it quite forcefully, causing the sofa to squeak slightly under the sudden weight. Roxas came and sat next to him, setting his unopened drink on the coffee table. He leaned back and rested his head of Axel's shoulder. "Well …"

"What is it? Spit it out," he said while playfully nudging Roxas as he took a sip of the sweet, bubbly liquid.

Roxas licked his lips. "Um … Axel-sama … it's kind of bothering me …"

"Nani?"

"It's kind of hard to ask you, but –"

"Hold that thought, will you? I'll be right back."

Roxas looked up at the redhead a little surprised, but he nodded. "Okay."

Axel smiled and stood, setting his drink down next to Roxas's. "Just wait a sec," he called while walking away.

"Yeah, because I have all the time in the world," Roxas muttered with bitter sarcasm, disappointed that Axel had to go; not to mention that he didn't get to ask him what he wanted to...


	20. Bad Xigbar!

"Sorry 'bout that," Axel said, once again plopping himself down on the couch. "I promised Xigbar that I'd help him with something tonight."

"And what would that be? You got the weirdest smile on your face."

Axel just laughed. "You'll see what in a minute …"

Roxas cocked his head and raised an eyebrow, giving the classic "O rly?" face.

The pyro saw this and laughed harder. "Yah rly."

"No wai!" Roxas responded, both of them laughing uncontrollably at this point (blame the sugar; XII-SQuash is like a fruity Red Bull).

"Just watch," Axel said after his laughter had gone down. He pointed with a finger towards the entranceway of the humongous wreck room.

The blonde cooled down his own laughter and waited for something to happen.

For a moment it was only music blasting off the walls from Demyx's DJ-ing setup from the back of the room, but as Roxas watched the entrance way he suddenly saw a flash of something going across the ceiling.

"And there he is!" Axel said, bursting into another fit of laughter.

It took Roxas an instant to comprehend what just happened.

But then he realized that Xigbar had gone **streaking** across the ceiling! And what's worse, he was waving a toy gun around, shooting suction-topped bullets at people. At the same time the James Bond theme song could be heard over the speakers, giving Xigbar the playful/naughty/entertaining effect of a nude-and-gun-firing James Bond.

"Oh my God!" Roxas hooted with laughter. "And how, exactly, did you help with that?" he asked Axel as Xigbar was being chased out of the room by a very angry group of blushing Organization members.

"I bought the toy gun and helped with the music, of 'course. I asked Demyx to play that. I think he knows why now."

"You're just full of tricks, aren't you?" Roxas said, still giggling.

"You don't know the half of it," Axel responded jokingly, but inside he meant it seriously. Roxas had no clue about his little 'interfering' plan. But he'll appreciate it when it happens.

A little later on when things were settling down, Demyx began playing some softer music. Some members picked up their cloaks and headed for dinner as they heard the 6:30 bell. Roxas motioned to Axel for them to stay and just snack instead. On Wednesdays it wasn't mandatory to attend dinner, so this time Roxas thought it'd be nice to be somewhat alone with Axel to just have a little fun. In the past Roxas would have barely even entered this room, let alone stay in it to party.

Demyx began playing "Here With Me" by Dido, which Axel thought was a good chance to pull Roxas into a slow dance. "C'mere." He said, grabbing his best friend (and first love).

"Gyahh," Roxas protested as he struggled in the headlock Axel put him in.

"We're going to dance to this and you aren't going to stop me," Axel replied as he let go of Roxas.

They were on the dance floor now, and slowly a smile came to Roxas's lips. "Alright, but you got to answer a question of mine."

Axel frowned as he pulled Roxas closer and stepped in time with the song's beat. "What for?"

"It's been kind of bothering me, and I tried to ask you earlier …" he began, resting his head on Axel's chest and listened to his even breathing and short heartbeats.

"Okay … well … what's on your mind?"

Roxas didn't look up at him while he replied, "I was just wondering if, maybe, you were going to do something reckless soon? Because I got this bad feeling in my gut …"

Axel stopped short for a second, but swiftly picked his dancing pace back up. "What do you mean by 'reckless'?" he asked cautiously.

The blonde felt his hesitation and this worried him. "Just … like … something stupid or rebellious. Like that whole thing Xemnas-senpai was warning you about," he told Axel lowly, still not looking up or taking his head off his chest.

"I wouldn't even chance it, Roxy-kun!" Axel replied, lying and feeling very guilty all of a sudden.

"Okay. Good." Roxas mumbled into Axel's chest. Which made Axel feel warm and a bit happier, but guilt still weighed down on his shoulders.

After everyone came back from dinner, fully energized from a meal, the real party started. Demyx, hyped up on caffeine, kept playing music and dancing up on the little DJ-ing stage they had in the wreck room. Roxas had never danced so hard or so much in his life (or whatever you want to call a Nobody's non-existence). When it was getting late – around 11:00 – the blonde hinted to Axel that he wanted to leave.

The redhead smiled, looking a little worn out, too.

So the two headed out of the room, a little dizzy and sweaty. "I've never danced so hard in my life."

"Roxas, you hardly dance at all."

"Haha, yeah I know. But still, I'm totally exhausted."

"Speak for yourself! I feel fine."

"Only because you have the stamina of ten wild horses!"

"You better believe it, Blondie." Axel replied, bumping Roxas in the hallway, making him trip over himself.

"Hey!" Roxas chuckled, returning a harder bump.

"Oh no you don't," the redhead smirked, bumping him into the doorway of his room.

Roxas fell on the door that wasn't fully closed, making it swing completely open into the dark room. Number XIII hit the floor with a thud. "Ouch," he said, standing up slowly and rubbing his bum. "That wasn't very nice," Roxas smiled at Axel.

Axel smiled apologetically and rubbed the back of his head. "Gomen, I didn't mean to push you that hard. I guess I forgot my own strength!"

"Yeah, well," Roxas smiled as he walked over to the bed, "I'm too tired to care." He kicked off his shoes and slipped off his pants, leaving his boxers and t-shirt, like he usually wears to bed. He slipped under the covers and went to the far side of Axel's full bed. "G'night," he called.

"Hey, now! You're just going to make yourself at home and doze off, just like that?!" Axel complained, pulling his t-shirt over his head and unzipping his jeans.

"Yup," Roxas replied. "And you can expect me here tomorrow night, too. Because, really … would you want to sleep alone the last two nights you had left before becoming 'whole'?"


	21. Meeting With Merlin

Morning sunlight streamed through the cracks in Axel's unusually black curtains, a dull glow behind the fabric being a sunny orange. An alarm went off, signaling 7:30 a.m.

"Axel," Roxas groaned crabbily, "Turn that damn thing _off_!"

"Hmm?" the redhead replied, taking in a sharp breath and lifting his arm from around Roxas's waist to wipe at his eyes. "What?"

"Your alarm, doofus; it's blasting away." The blonde replied, putting one of Axel's pillows over his head.

"Oh, right, right; I barely hear it anymore."

"Maybe you're going deaf," came Roxas's muffled reply from under the pillow.

"Nah, I just sleep too heavy," Axel replied, slamming the alarm's off button. "Especially when I sleep with you; I'm so comfy that I dream so deeply that it feels real."

"Oh really? And what were you dreaming about this time?" the younger boy asked vaguely as he sat up and rubbed his own eyes.

Axel frowned. "I think it was giant, mutated, vampire squirrels and some kind of Van-Hellsing-like dude that looked like me with a beard. He was killing them all. They were seriously ugly."

Roxas burst into laughter. "What the hell, Axel! That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever –" Roxas tried to say, but he was too busy laughing.

"Hey, it was actually a pretty cool dream, I'll have you know! Lots of blood. Oh, and at one point that bearded look-alike guy had to find the nest and that was cool, too; more blood and vampire squirrels."

"You're so weird," Roxas said affectionately, putting his hand in Axel's.

"And proud of it, baby," replied Axel with a smirk as he leaned in for a kiss.

"I wouldn't do that," Roxas said, putting up a stopping finger to Axel's lips.

"Why not?"

"Two words: morning breath."

"Oh, right. But couples in the movies always start to make-out in the morning when they wake up …" Axel tried.

Roxas smiled and shook his head. "Silly, that's because they're actors and they just brushed their teeth before they did that scene."

"Really? Damn Hollywood, tricking us like that."

Breakfast was uneventful, like usual. But to Roxas it felt so unreal to think that by this time tomorrow he'll be eating with Donald and Goofy as Sora somewhere. It was hard to wrap his mind around, as true and slightly creepy as that is.

After breakfast Axel turned to Roxas suddenly as they were walking down the halls. "Roxas, I have a private mission to do today," he began with a lie, "So you're going to have to wait until dinner to see me. But that's okay, right?"

"Oh," XIII replied sadly, looking down. "Well, okay. Just what is it, anyway? And why would Xemnas give you a mission without me in it?"

"I'm not sure, aibou. And gomenasai … but he just did."

"What is it about, anyway?"

Number VIII looked pained and hated to do this to Roxas, but it was for his own good! But what was he supposed to say? "It's just some lame mission I think he gave me to keep me from interfering; don't worry about it." _When really it's the opposite of that._

"But it's not like you were going to interfere anyway! Why would he do that?" the blonde complained, looking down at his black shoes.

Axel hated to lie to Roxas like this, but he had no choice; he can't let him know about his big plans to save him. "I don't know, buddy, but things will work out just fine, don't you worry. Anyhow, I've got to go now, but I'll see you tonight, alright?"

Roxas sighed. "Yeah, okay, **fine**. Just be careful. Even lame missions can be dangerous, especially if they're lame missions given to you by freaking Xemnas."

"Oh, believe me," Axel replied with a hand as he turned around and started walking away, "I know."

Namine came into the library later where Roxas was reading. He had gotten bored and didn't feel like doing much else. He was reading some manga about a Soul Reaper girl who gave some of her powers to some guy named Strawberry and they fight these monsters named Hollows together. It was pretty interesting, and he was already on the third volume when the mousy blonde girl interrupted him.

"Hey Nami-chan. What's up?"

Namine sat herself down in the chair next to him, blushing slightly. "I, um, thought that'd I come see how you were doing."

He shrugged. "I'm just reading a manga; I got bored."

"You're not … upset at all?" she asked, looking up at his cerulean blue eyes.

"Nah. I figure that I can't change what I'm meant to do, so why bother? Anyway, it's not like it's the end of the world."

"Oh. Well, that's good. I was hoping you'd be okay with it. To tell you the truth, I'd kind of rather be with Kairi than here."

Roxas frowned. "Really? Why?"

Namine blushed a little deeper, but not by much. "Well … it's just … I feel kind of empty lately. And I keep thinking that this place is like a prison, with Xemnas-sama as the warden. It's a little freighting."

"Namine …"

"But it's okay, really; I'm just happy that I could keep my promise to Sora and help you at the same time."

"Yeah, but if you do something like it again, next time warn the Nobody that they're about to revert back to how they were. It came as a bit of a shock to me, you know?"

Namine smiled uneasily. "Hai. I'm sorry about that."

The boy nodded and waved a hand, pushing it aside. "It doesn't matter now."

"Um… Roxas-san … I won't see you at dinner or afterwards because I'll be at the Twilight Town Mansion by then. But…"

"But…?"

"I-I have something I want to give you, which is partially why I'm here. So … um … here!" she said while shutting her eyes and thrusting a present tied up in paper and a ribbon at him.

Roxas took the package and felt it's weight on his palms. It was wide and long. "Thanks, Namine. I've never really gotten a present before... this is nice."

"Mhm," she said quietly with her face a hot pink. She didn't look at him but instead fiddled around with some of the hair that fell over her right shoulder.

As Roxas unwrapped the gift, he found it to be a framed picture made of watercolor pencils of everyone in Organization XIII (including himself), Namine, Hayner, Pence, Olette, Donald, Goofy, Sora, and King Mickey (in an Organization cloak). There was also a man Roxas hasn't seen before with red bandages on his face, along with Riku (in and Organization outfit as well) and Kairi (in a school girl's uniform).

"Oh my God, Namine! It's amazing! You must have put a lot of work into it. But … who's _this_?" Roxas asked, pointing to the bandaged man.

She nodded slowly. "Yeah. I've never drawn so carefully before. I wanted it to look like my best. And … that's DiZ."

Roxas frowned, but shook it away. "It's like … everyone I've ever met or known. It must have taken you a long time to draw so many people." Roxas commented, looking at the drawing, his eyes starting to water up.

She nodded. "I wanted you to have a memory … of everyone. And if you noticed, I tried to make everyone seem happy and carefree. I wanted you to think of all of us with a smile."

Roxas's eyes pooled with tears. "Of 'course. It's like you're all saying goodbye … even me in here. I look like I'm telling myself goodbye, too."

Namine looked at him finally, her blush dulling down. "No, Roxas, don't think of it as goodbye … we'll still get to see each other, and real soon, too! Whenever Sora's with Kairi, me and you can be together, too. And later, who knows, maybe Sora will meet someone from the Organization, and then you'll see them again, too. You're not disappearing, remember? You're just–"

"Becoming whole, I know. But in some ways … it feels like goodbye." XIII told her.

She didn't have anything else to say to him after that. But with a smile she squeezed his hand sympathetically and left, the 50x25 cm picture resting in her seat.

* * *

Axel wandered through the streets of Hollow Bastion, his hood up over his flaming red hair, the shadow of the fabric darkening his facial features. He crept along the alleyways looking for the Wizard Merlin's base of operations. When he came to it, he knocked harshly on the wooden door.

"Yes?" said a girl's voice and a sweet face with blue-green eyes greeted him. She had long brown hair tied back into a braid with a bright pink ribbon at the end.

"Is Merlin here?"

"May I ask who's seeking him?" the girl asked formally.

"Someone who is neither friend nor foe," Axel replied just as formally.

She searched under his hood for a pair of eyes, but frowned when she found none. With a sigh she stepped aside and opened the door. "Well, at least you're not a Heartless."

"Arigato," Axel whispered, although not loud enough for her to hear.

"He's this way," she said to Number VIII while strolling ahead of him and pointing to a hallway.

They came to a back room at the end with no door on it's hinges. Axel found himself in a study where an old quirky man with a long gray beard and circular spectacles sat at a desk. "Oh, well hello Aerith dear," he said in a friendly tone. "And who might this be?" he asked, standing up and walking forward slightly.

"He won't tell me," she said stiffly, "But he says that he's not a foe, so I thought it'd be okay for him to see you."

"Very fine, very fine. I don't mind. Now come here, lad, and let me see your face."

"I'd rather stay anonymous."

Merlin frowned. "Whatever for? If you are no foe, then what harm would it do?"

"I'm afraid that if my Senpai knew I was here I might get … um … **severely punished**. So I prefer to go behind his back anonymously." Axel replied slowly, not looking at Merlin.

Merlin kept his frown but shrugged. Then he released his brow muscles. "Suit yourself. But perhaps you wouldn't mind sharing with me why you came to see me?"

"Well, I was thinking that are a great wizard …"

"Which I am indeed, no mistake about that."

"… And I was hoping you may assist me with something by using your magic."

"Pray tell what that 'something' is? I can't help what I don't know, lad."

Axel hesitated. "Um … well … It's about a friend of mine."

Merlin raised a bushy eyebrow, asking for more information.

Again Axel hesitated. "He's … about to … disappear. And I was hoping you had something to fix that."

"My, my, how terribly sad. Disappear in what way? Aerith, dear, hand me my spell book over there on the desk, please."

As the wizard flipped through the musty pages, Axel gulped and replied, "Um … well … he's a Nobody, so –"

"Wait a moment, wait just one fraction if a moment. He's a **Nobody**?"

Axel winced inwardly. "Yes? Does that make a difference?"

"It surely does, my boy. Why, a Nobody is usually an enemy! I shan't think it safe to help the enemy." Merlin gasped, shaking a finger at Axel.

"But he's not like a Dusk or any other Nobody you've fought or seen! He's different … and he's not evil or anything …"

Merlin looked sideways at him. "May I ask what you are, lad? Are you a Nobody as well?"

Axel stood up a little straighter. "It shouldn't matter. Besides, I'm not doing anything bad, right? Just, please … do you have anything to save a Nobody from fading away and disappearing forever?"

Merlin sighed. He took off his glasses and polished them with the corner of his misty blue robes, a deadpan look on his ancient face. "I doubt it. After all, isn't Nobody just nobody at all? Isn't it said that they aren't supposed to exist?"

_I wonder what Axel is up to on his mission right now_, Roxas thought as he hung Namine's drawing above his bed. It looked kind of small compared to the vast pallid wall, but it was a nice thing to see. He couldn't help but to wonder if he was okay.

"No," Axel said between his teeth, "You're right. We aren't supposed to exist. But he's still a person in need and someone who doesn't want to disappear; so please, can't you help him?"

Merlin raised an eyebrow. "We? You said 'we', my boy. I'll repeat myself: Are you a Nobody as well?"

Axel mentally slapped himself in the head. He hadn't mean to give himself away like that. "Yes, I am," he admitted. "But I don't care if I disappear; I don't care if I'm 'not supposed to exist'. I do care, however, if _he_ disappears! He doesn't deserve it. And I know that there **must** be some kind of spell you have in that book –" he nodded to the old book that Merlin was holding, "– that can help him. I'm practically begging you, Merlin; just _help him_."

"Hmm," Merlin said as he licked his finger and looked down at the book as he leafed through it. "I suppose I may have something …"

* * *

"Roxy! Oh, Roxyyy! Roxy, what are you doing cooped up in your room? You should come downstairs with us. Marluxia made muffins!" Demyx yelled down the hallways as he came near Roxas's room. When he was in the doorway, he asked him: "Hey Roxas, what's that?"

"Huh? … Oh, you mean this? It's a picture Namine-chan made for me."

The hyperactive hydromaniac (try saying that 5 times fast!) came into the room to stand next to Roxas. "Aw, it's so pretty! Nami-chan drew that?"

Roxas nodded. "Yeah. It was a present for me."

"What for?"

"Um …" _I can't say, 'because I'm leaving early tomorrow morning'_, Roxas thought quickly. _So I'll just have to tell him:_ "Because … I asked her. Yeah. I asked her to make me something of everyone I've ever known."

Demyx squinted at the picture. "Wow, there's a lot of people there. I never knew you were so popular, Roxy-kun!"

"Yeah, well, neither did I."

"Who's that guy? He looks kind of like you." Demyx asked, pointing to Sora.

Roxas smiled sadly. "That'd be Sora."

"Sora. Hmm. You guys look alike to me. You're probably related, right? Brothers or cousins, maybe?"

Demyx was so simple-minded. He had no idea, did he? For his sake, Roxas thought of that vision of him and Sora as twins and replied, "Yeah; he's my twin, actually."

"Really? Cool! I wish I had a twin brother. But hey, if he's your twin, how come he isn't here with us?" Demyx asked, probably meaning why Sora wasn't in the Organization.

Roxas shrugged, feeling like he's said a million lies. But he added another by replying, "Because he didn't want to."

"That's too bad. I want to meet him."

"Trust me, you will someday," XIII replied dully. "Anyway, what was it you were saying? Marluxia made muffins?"

Demyx with his slight A.D.D. was happily sidetracked from talking about Sora. Immediately he replied with a smile, "Yeah, and they're still warm! Let's go get some before everybody eats them!"

* * *

Axel paced the room as Merlin searched for a spell or potion of some sort to help Roxas.

Of 'course, Merlin didn't know that it was Roxas he was helping or Axel who was pacing the width of his study, but Merlin was a most kind and somewhat quirky chap who helped good people, liked to make jokes, and who fought evil when he needed to. So, naturally, since Axel hadn't done anything wrong and since Roxas hadn't either, Merlin saw no problem with helping the mysterious cloaked man we knew to be Axel.

Axel himself, however, was steadily growing impatient, which was one of his bad traits. But, unlike the fire he was known for, Axel kept his head cool. He wanted to control himself and not get too snippy or short with anyone, lest it bring out his anger (which was a horrible monster, to be sure).

"Have you … found anything yet?" Axel said suddenly, trying to keep his voice calm and curious (which he succeeded in doing).

Merlin looked up from his books for a brief moment. "Well, I could easily turn him into an animal, which would certainly save him, but I'm not so sure you want your friend to be fuzzy and on four legs," Merlin chuckled, looking back down at his books. With his eyes still on the text he said, "I also could turn him into a bird or fish of some sort, but again, it wouldn't be pleasant for you or him."

The pyro was tempted to give a sarcastic comment in response, but he held his tongue. _Got to seem like a good person,_ he reminded himself, _because to someone like Xemnas, this would be the enemy I'm fraternizing with. And if they're his enemy, they're mine, and if they're my enemy, I'm theirs._

"Ah, now **here**'s something!"

Eagerly, Axel jumped over to where Merlin was at his desk. "Yes, yes?!"

Merlin was startled for a moment, saying, "My, how agile you are!" and chuckling. But after a moment of silence on Axel's behalf, Merlin cleared his throat. "Right then, right. Anyhow, I've found **this**," he said, pointing to a passage on the bottom right page near the end of one of his thick textbooks. "It says: 'Homphedilia: a casting spell using the blue ashes of a Heartless – any kind will do – by chanting the incantation below five times while spilling the ashes over the body you wish to preserve.'"

"'Preserve'? But I'm not mummifying him; just making sure that he stays in existence!"

"I know, I know; but lad, let me finish, will you? It says: 'Usually used for keeping a body and soul in this world; prevents anyone from fading away.' Now do you see? It probably is suggesting that it could stop your Nobody friend from 'disappearing', as you put it. But what puzzles me is what it means by the 'blue ashes' of a Heartless. Isn't the ashes of everything supposed to be grey?"

Axel shook his head. Being an expert on everything fire-related, he knew what it meant. "No, Merlin; it means how you burn the Heartless; because, really, how do you burn Darkness? With blue-white fire, of 'course. It means the blue fire. You must use blue fire and torch the Heartless, then recover the ashes quickly before it fades away. That's very hard to do."

"Then however shall we do it?"

"Leave that to me. Write down the instructions and incantation for me, will you? I think I'll use this spell."

"Surely you want to check others first, to make sure that this is the correct one?"

"I have a feeling that this is the only spell we'll get," the redhead replied.

Merlin searched in the shadows of Axel's hood for a facial expression or a glimmer of the eye, but he found nothing. Sighing, he wrote down what he was told to and replied, "Alright, have it your way. But be warned, my boy: this could go very wrong, and then where would you and your friend be?"


	22. Blue Ashes Of A Heartless

It wasn't very hard to find a Heartless to burn in Hollow Bastion. In fact, there were so many lying around that Axel could fail at collecting the 'blue ashes' a few times. And Heartless are so easy to waste since they have hideous faces and no hearts; you don't pity them or like them, and in return they feel the same. Or rather, since they DON'T feel they just don't care. They're mindless fighting machines, that's all Heartless are. Darkness in a form, hatred come to life. That's all they are.

So it wasn't long until Axel successfully collected up some Heartless ashes (after _unsuccessfully_ gathering some). They had come from a Shadow, some of the weakest Heartless you could face. Merlin had given VIII a special jar with an enchanted cork that only opens to Axel's hands. Which helps protect anyone else from wasting the ashes, like someone to fool his plans. Merlin had said to him: "Since you said your 'senpai' wouldn't like to know you're here, I could assume that he would want to spoil your plans, correct?" Axel had nodded at this, and so Merlin continued with: "So here is the incantation, written with special ink that will only be read to the writer; which, as you know, I made you write it. Paired with this jar and enchanted cork, you can carry out your plans without your 'senpai' interrupting them." Axel had thanked Merlin and left at that, which brought him here, now, setting Heartless on fire. Which he now had ashes from.

"Time to head back now, I guess; it's nearing 6:00 and dinner is at 6:30, so I better get a move on if I want time to hide this stuff somewhere where Xemnas or Saix won't find it if they try to snoop around my room."

As Axel stepped into his dark bedroom (no light from the setting sun coming in through his black curtains), he closed the door behind him and flipped on the light switch.

There, sitting in the chair by the window, was Xemnas. "Have a good time out, did you?"

Axel's mouth was agape for a moment, but quickly he redeemed himself. He was so glad that he had Merlin's spell and the Heartless ashes in a tiny black drawstring tote on his back. His facial features hardened as he stepped further into the room and set down the mentioned tote on his end table. The redhead sat on his bed and glared over at his so-called superior; but when it came down to strength, Axel bet that they were equals.

"I did have a good time," Axel retorted, "Why, did you miss me?"

Xemnas smiled, darkness as deep as the eternity he loved so much clouding his aura. "No, but I bet Roxas did. Tell me, what were you up to that you didn't want to bring him along to do?"

Axel shrugged, acting like it was nothing. "Just shopping."

"Shopping? Then I suppose that's what that –" the silver-haired man nodded -toward the end table, "– Is for, right? What you bought, I presume?"

Axel's fraction of a heart was beating rapidly with anxiety. _What is Xemnas thinking? Does he already know and is simply playing with me, or is he trying to find out by prying?_ "Yes, it's what I bought."

"Care to share with your Superior **what** it is you bought?" Something twinkled in his eyes, something sharp and wicked. This told Axel that he was guessing, but didn't quite know yet, so he was trying to be sneaky to get the information he wanted out of Axel.

"Just a present for Roxas," he replied slowly, trying to both seem like he wasn't lying and not give his plans away at the same time. And, at least, it wasn't a complete lie: it **was** for Roxas, after all.

"Ah, I see; a present," Xemnas said, standing up and beginning to pace. "But why give him a present? It's not like he's leaving or anything," Xemnas smirked at the end, because he was just teasing at that point.

Axel let out his breath that he realized he's been suppressing. It was like the dark, sinister aura around Xemnas doesn't allow you to _breathe_. "You're right, he's not leaving, but recently he and I have gotten … closer … and I wanted to get him something for no occasion in particular. Is that so bad? A present to a friend, Xemnas?"

"Listen to you, you're so disrespectful. Xemnas-_senpai_, or Xemnas-_sama _would be nice. It pains me how impolite you are." He replied, acting with fake hurt.

"Xemnas-_sama_, **please** get to your point, will you? It's getting close to dinner and unlike **you**, I don't miss dinner." Axel said snottily while getting off his bed and taking a step forward, wanting Xemnas out of his room so that he could unpack and hide the objects in his drawstring tote on the end table.

Xemnas, who had stopped pacing a short while ago with his back to Axel, whirled around and was in front of him so quickly that Axel had no time to react. Without realizing it until he felt a squeeze, one of Xemnas's gloved hands were around his neck, holding him above the floor by centimeters. Axel could feel the tip of his boots graze the carpet, but his limp heels were high from it.

_Chikushou, he's fast! I hadn't even seen that coming,_ Axel thought as he fought to fill his lungs with air. He struggled slightly and his elbow hit something and made it fall to the floor, but Axel was too dazed to realize what had fallen.

He gasped as Xemnas looked up at his jade eyes. "Let me tell you something, Number VIII," he spat, cold fire in his orangey-gold eyes, "I know when something happens behind my back; I can sense it. Why half of you are not Dusks yet is lost to me, because if it weren't for DiZ's orders all of you would perish under my wrath! I knew the entire time about Marluxia's plans to take over about a year ago. If it weren't for DiZ, you four would have been Dusks or worse. And now it's you again, you rebellious infidel. I know that you were up to something the second you left the Castle. Doing what I don't know, but if it's for Roxas like you say then perhaps you went against my warning and tried to interfere. I'll have you know that that would have been a very terrible mistake, Axel. And now I've got to ask myself … do I kill you now or wait until after Roxas completes Sora?"

Axel clawed at Xemnas's fingers while he talked, and when he finished his little rant he released Axel who fell to his knees and choked until he could breathe right again. Slowly, he stood and said while looking directly in Xemnas's eyes, "I haven't done anything wrong yet and you can't prove that I have, for one thing; and for another, I lied when I said I was for Roxas. It's actually just something for my own personal use that's none of your business. Now Xemnas, would you kindly exit my bedroom?"

The silver-haired man said not a word more, and he could feel Axel's anger turning the heat up in the closed space. So, not wanting to get burned (but wanting very badly to just eliminate Axel and get it over with,) Xemnas left the room. But not before he paused in the doorway and said over his shoulder, "I wonder what personal use you need Heartless ashes for."

The door slammed behind him, and as it did so Axel wheeled around to find the tiny black tote lying on the floor, it's drawstrings making a slight opening, enough to see a glass with a blue-back dully glowing substance inside of it.

"Axel-sama's late to dinner," Roxas sighed sadly to himself.

But just as he said this, bright red came walking in from the corner of his eyes. Roxas's head shot up as he saw Axel walk in through the swinging kitchen doors.

Irritably Axel sat in his chair with a sharp_ thut_, the white wood squeaking briefly on the tiles. Axel muttered something and pounded a fist onto the table.

Some of the other members looked at the redhead strangely, but resumed eating and shrugged, like: 'Axel's just being **that way** again.' Although this wasn't how Roxas reacted. "Axel? What's up? You seem more pissed off than usual."

Axel looked over at the blonde and his face relaxed as he let out a sigh. "I'm sorry. It's nothing. What's for dinner?"

Roxas raised and eyebrow and said slowly, "Are you sure it's nothing?"

"It's fine. Can you pass me some of that white rice?"

Roxas nodded and reached for it, handing it to Axel with the same raised-eyebrow look. But Axel ignored it and loaded himself a good heaping of rice and reached for the chicken next. _He sure is acting strange,_ Roxas thought as he put a forkful of food in his mouth.

And he continued to act strange throughout dinner, which steadily made Roxas worry. _But he'll tell me later. I'll make him. No one knows him better than I do, and right now what I know about him tells me that something is up._


	23. Writing and Crying

"When'd you get that?" Axel asked later that evening in Roxas's room. Axel was kneeling on the bed staring up at Namine's watercolor pencil drawing of everyone while Roxas sat at his desk writing out something.

Without looking Roxas knew what the redhead was talking about. He paused his writing to announce: "This afternoon while you were out. Nami-chan made it for me. Sort of like a good-bye present."

"She must really like you," Axel replied in a slightly jealous tone.

Roxas darted a quick glare at him. "It's not like that, and you know it. Namine is just my friend."

"But I bet she wishes not; why, look back in your memories for a second, Roxas. Didn't you sense a little crush coming off of Namine … **directed towards Sora**? And what if this whole time it was really for you?"

"Axel, that's just crazy! I was already created by then; so that 'little crush' couldn't have been for me. Man, you seriously have jealousy issues, do you now that?" the blonde retorted sharply, still neglecting the thing he had been writing so furiously a moment ago.

VIII sighed, stepping off the bed and going over to Roxas for a quick apologetic hug. "Gomen, aibou; I know I am." After a second, though, he looked down and asked, "Just what is it that you're writing, anyway?"

Hastily, before Axel could read any of it, Roxas closed the cover to the composition book he'd been scribbling inside of. "It's something for you, but you can't read it until the morning, after it's finished and I'd already left."

At that last statement a light bulb went off in Axel's mind. "Oh yeah!"

Roxas frowned. "What?"

"I almost forgot to tell you! Stay right here, I have to go get it," he answered in a bubbly voice. He raced out of the room, eager to go get his tiny black tote.

When Axel returned he found Roxas writing again, hunched over his notebook with a protective arm blocking anyone from reading it. At the sound of Axel coming back inside his head jerked up. "Back already?"

"Yeah, I just had to run and get something from my room, that's all. Here, take a look! – Oh, wait until I have the door closed, though."

"Why? It's not something gross and stupid like flavored con-"

"See?" Axel said, cutting off and ignoring Roxas's perverted little joke.

"All I see is a jar of purple-black sparkly shit."

"Do you know what that purple-black sparkly shit is?"

"What do you think?"

Axel ignored him since the question was technically rhetorical, anyway. He answered, "The ashes of a Heartless!"

"And I would find this great … how?" the blonde mocked, crossing his arms. The redhead smiled and pulled out of his black bag of goodies a … blank piece of parchment. "Great. More paper for me to pour my heart onto."

"Say what?"

"Never mind," Roxas replied, waving it away. "Now what's that paper for? Are you going to demonstrate how to properly torch a Heartless?"

Axel smiled. "You're just full of sarcasm tonight; very charming. I'm guessing it's payback for me acting weird at dinner, and that's fine because this stuff is the reason for that."

The blonde raised an eyebrow, wanting more of an explanation.

"Okay, so, you see this paper? It's written in ink only I can read since I'm the one who wrote it. Very handy in case someone like Xemnas or Saix wants to snoop around in my room. And on this piece of paper there is a spell written down that needs nothing but Heartless ashes. And a little of something else, I found out when writing it, but that something else is just a few drops of my blood which is nothing. Anyway, do you know what that spell does?"

"Turn a frog into a prince? – And wait, your blood?! Don't do that!"

"Close, Mr. Sarcasm! And don't worry, a little blood is nothing compared to your life."

"Just tell me already. And if you're sure, I guess."

"It stops a body and soul from fading away. It literally turns a Nobody – the frog – into a solid-bodied Somebody, the prince!"

"Axel, I'm sorry but that must be the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. Where the hell do you get this, anyway? A magic shop in Twilight Town?"

"Actually, it was a Wizard in Hollow Bastion."

The blonde shook his head sadly. "Thanks for the prank, Axel; it really helps me feel better about tomorrow."

Axel's excitement left. He got a little angry. "I'm not pulling any prank! This is for _real_, Roxas! I got it from Merlin himself!"

"Merlin…?"

"Yeah, **Merlin**! Heard of him? Tall old guy with a long beard and pointy hat? – Chikushou, Roxas! That guy is no joke! And neither am I! I'm trying to help you, and I risked getting caught by Xemnas earlier because of –" Axel rambled, disappointed and a little angry that this wasn't going how he thought it would.

"Wait, wait, wait. Just wait a minute, Axel. You almost **got caught**? And by _Xemnas himself_? What were you thinking! I'm not worth any of this! I'm not worth you losing your –" But Roxas's tongue died in his mouth. He couldn't bring himself to say, _'I'm not worth you losing your life'_, because to think of Axel just dead … gone … **forever** … it was just too painful.

Roxas had never cried so much or so often as he had this past week. Because even now, at merely the thought of Axel dying because of him … it made the blonde's eyes fill with thick, salty tears. He blinked to clear his vision, but that only caused them to fall. Axel has immediately holding him, stroking his hair and letting the younger boy cry on his cloak. "I can't believe this," the redhead whispered to himself. "How did I make you cry?"

"No, no," Roxas said as he few tears stopped and he pulled away from Axel's embrace. "I just thought of something, that's all."_ This spell thing he's talking about … he's trying to interfere like Xemnas and I told him not to! I have to make sure he doesn't do it. I think this is that thing I felt I had to do … I think it was to stop Axel from carrying out his little plan._ Roxas thought, so immediately he burst out, "But Axel, don't do it. The spell, I mean, it probably won't work, and I don't think Xemnas will let you … if he found out."

"Let me what?"

_Let you_ **live**Roxas finished in his mind. But out loud he said simply, "…Nothing, it's nothing. But c'mon, Axel! It's not like I'm dying. I'll still be here, just … I'll be someone else."

"But I don't want you to be someone else! I like **you**, I want **you**, and I don't want to have to –"

Roxas put a silencing finger to his lips like he did in Axel's room earlier. "This is the second time today I had to shut your mouth. But this time, if it had been for a kiss, I wouldn't have stopped you."

Axel shook his head and gently lifted Roxas's finger from his lips. "Are you done writing yet?"

"Almost."

"Then I'll go change and come back, and by then maybe you'll be done and we can get some sleep."

"Sure. It's about 9:45 now anyway, and you've probably had a big day; especially now that I know what you'd been doing, which I still this was pretty stupid and dangerous of you."

"Yeah, I know, I know," the pyro nodded, his spikes bobbing in the back of his head. He stood up from where he'd been kneeling to reach Roxas, taking a small step around. "Be right back," he promised.

If only he could have kept that promise.


	24. Xemnas's Death Contract

It wasn't like the world was ending. And how can it end when they live in The World That Never Was? But that's beside the point. The point is that things were starting to spiral downwards, and it felt like everything was about to come to an end.

And this time we're not ahead by a few chapters, but instead only by a few minutes.

Because the second Axel strode out of XIII's bedroom, Saix greeted him at the end of the hall. "Superior would like a little chat with you, Number VIII."

"Is that so?" Axel replied casually. His heart skipped a beat or two, his nerves starting to come loose, although it's not like he was showing it. Axel never shows weakness, or at least he tried not to.

"It's very much so," Saix smirked. "And he would like the chat _now_, if you don't mind."

"Oh, I don't mind at all." But he did mind, and his nerves screamed at him that something wasn't right.

_There's that feeling again,_ Roxas thought, _that something is wrong, and there's something I have to do, and it has to do with Axel. Was I … was I supposed to stop him from doing that spell? At the time I thought that was it. Maybe … there's something else? Maybe I left it … unfinished?_

Saix – acting like a mannered date – opened the door to Xemnas's study and held it while Axel walked inside. But Saix didn't follow him in. Instead, Axel jumped slightly as he heard the door shut loudly behind him, the sound echoing off the high ceiling and silver-and-white walls.

"Nice of you to stop by, Number VIII," Xemnas said as he rose from his chair behind his desk in one corner of the room. "Care to sit down?"

Axel cautiously walked over to the chair that Xemnas had motioned to, which was placed directing in front of the desk. The Superior sat once more and his orange-gold eyes followed Axel's movements as he, too, sat down.

"Do you know what you're here for?"

"No, Saix kindly left that out."

"Good, because I wanted to tell you myself. You know VIII, it's not very wise to disobey direct orders." Xemnas started casually as he swerved slightly in his seat and folded his fingers on his lap.

"I'm not sure what you mean, Xemnas; I didn't do anything at all."

"Don't play dumb with me!" Xemnas snapped, swerving back around and slamming one hand on the desk's wooden surface. A couple pieces of loose paper fell to the ground from the air that followed the blow.

Axel watched them fall before he replied, "I go against orders all the time. Which one are we referring to, now?"

Xemnas squeezed his eyes shut and took in a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. Axel could tell that he was trying to keep his cool, or what was left of it. "I'm referring to you going out today to Hollow Bastion."

"Who said I went to Hollow Bastion?"

"You did when you were talking to XIII not long ago. And I could tell by the jar I saw earlier in your little sack that you went there since only Merlin uses that type of cork-topped jar. I'm not stupid, Axel. I do my research on potential and sworn enemies. So I know what to look for, you see; what to look for when someone from my group rebels or what to look for in a trap we might walk into. And as for that spell I heard you talking about … could it perhaps be this one?" Xemnas asked, clicking on his TV monitor that was hooked up to his computer.

A page from a book was displayed on the screen, the exact page that Merlin had read the spell from. "It would have worked for the most part," Xemnas said with a smirk as he watched Axel's facial expression turn grim and stony. "Of 'course," he continued, "It wouldn't have lasted very long since the bond between Roxas and Sora had grown so strong now. It would have lasted between a month and six months, perhaps less. Roxas returning to Sora is inevitable; not to mention unavoidable. You see Number VIII, we are Nobodies, as I have to keep reminding you …" He stood then, and began pacing slightly.

Axel sat slightly numb, not liking where this was going. Xemnas likes to ramble and give a speech, that was for sure, and this little lecture was no different; but what would happen at the end of it? Because Axel knew that he was caught, and maybe what Roxas was fearing was going to come true soon enough …

"… Being a Nobody means that we have no emotions, for we have no hearts; and being Nobodies it also means that we are not meant to exist, so this little spell of yours –" he pointed up at the screen "– is futile. You can't preserve what wasn't meant to be there in the first place."

Axel glared up at Xemnas, a scowl on his lips. _I should have gone with the mutiny plan, _he thought. _It would have been a lot more satisfying to have this guy dead. _"Just what do you want from me, Xemnas?"

"Your non-existence! I want it gone. You, Axel, need to have a punishment, and I need an example for the others to let them know that I'm still boss and that they may never disobey me like you did. But –"

"Are you going to kill me?" he stated defiantly, cutting Xemnas off.

"No, I can't because of what DiZ says! But … you can kill yourself. Someday you'll have to fight with your whole existence, and afterwards you'll fade away. I'll make sure of it. If I can't make an example out of you, at least I can ensure your eventual demise."

Axel scowled still, but inside he was about to fall apart. So it's going to be a slow and painful death, is it?

"You're dismissed now, by the way."

Axel stood and turned abruptly, march straight out of the room like a defendant found guilty and being sent to prison.

On the way out Xemnas called with enthusiasm: "Congratulations, Number VIII: you officially screwed up this life. Better luck in the next one."

And that was it. But that means that his lifetime was short, although not as short as Roxas's. 'Better luck in the next life' … "Silly," Axel muttered to himself as he headed towards his bedroom, "Who knows if I'll even have a next life."

It took Axel longer than usual to change out of his clothes. He did it slowly, his mind not working right. It felt like his body was in auto-drive while his mind was racing; like autopilot while a plane was flying.

By the time he got back to Roxas, it was much later. The pyro closed the door loudly behind him when he entered.

Roxas heard him. Lowly, he muttered, "What took you so long?" from under the covers. He was lying on his stomach, his head inclined away from the doorway.

There was no answer, only the feeling of the bed moving as someone climbed inside of it, and the tug of the covers as someone pulled it over themselves.


	25. Together We Can Melt The Sugar

Roxas began to doze, the warmth coming off of Axel's skin and the pitch blackness of the room making him sleepy. But just as a dream started to make it's way fuzzily into his head, the blonde felt someone pull on his shoulder and lay him flat on his back.

"Huh mm?" he yawned. "What is it?" A shadow hung over him and leaned down, it's cheek brushing against his. It felt warm but wet. Instinctively, Roxas turned his head and licked Axel's cheek; the wetness was salty, but slightly sweet. Roxas smiled vaguely. With a soft voice he asked, "Why are you crying?"

Axel didn't know how to respond to this. He knew what his death was going to be like now, and he knew that in the hours before dawn Roxas was going to have to leave. As much as he didn't want to admit it to himself, he was slightly afraid of Xemnas; and as much as he didn't want to admit it to Roxas, he was already mourning him being gone. So what should he say? How can he explain the cause of his tears? Because it was everything: the fear, the mourning, the limited hours he had tonight, and his 'self-inflicted' death-to-be.

The redhead touched his nose to Roxas's and said quietly, "No reason really, it just that … this is our last night – our _final hours_ – together."

There were suddenly arms weaving themselves around his neck, pulling him downwards. Roxas kissed his lips gently. "Then let's make the most of it."

Axel liked the sound of that. He wanted to hear that – or something like it – ever since they confessed how they felt about one another. Maybe it was just lust, but Axel felt something when Roxas had said those words. Since he'd only been leaning over from the side to reach Roxas, the redhead decided that maybe he should change position. So his swung one leg over to the other side of the small blonde. Now he could make sure that the blonde would stay safe beneath him, and that no premature disappearances could occur.

"That's a pretty suggesting position your in," Roxas commented with a low chuckle as soon as Axel made the change.

"Only if you think of it that way."

"Oh? And what do you think of it as?"

"Protection."

Roxas kissed him again, briefly licking Axel's bottom lip. "And what are you protecting me from?"

"Nothing, just from disappearing too early."

"It's not like I'm just going to vanish into thin air!"

"That's right; you won't because I'm here." Axel replied and leaned down for another kiss, but a longer, sad one. But the younger boy hardly noticed.

Roxas slipped his hands off of the back of Axel's neck and pushed on his chest to make him get off. Axel was pushed onto his side, and Roxas turned to face him. "Just because last time you called yourself seme doesn't mean you are."

Axel smiled, although Roxas couldn't see it. "What ever you say," he replied as he stroked Roxas's jaw lightly. He French-kissed him a few more times before daring to do something else.

Since one arm was pinned under Roxas's head underneath his pillow, Axel slowly moved the hand he had on his face downwards along his bare back, stopping right before the top of his boxer shorts.

Roxas felt this and knew that Axel was hinting. Roxas pulled himself closer to Axel's tepid body, their chests touching, causing sweat to start to form. To let Axel know that it was all right, he made his tongue act a little more fiercely in the other's mouth.

The older boy got the idea. He slipped his fingers into Roxas's pants, gently skimming his skin with his fingertips. He felt a small shudder quake down the blonde's spine in response. His mouth was moving so that he couldn't smile, but inside he made a victorious smirk. Axel glided his hand until it rested on the younger boy's hip as he pushed him down again. _A uke you might not like to be, but you still are one_, he thought as he slid his hand to somewhere else.

Roxas took in a sharp breath as he felt himself being pushed onto his back again. Axel wasn't completely on top of him, just leaning over from the side like he was when this began. But … the blonde could feel a hot hand slide to somewhere else besides his hip where it had been a second ago. Part of him down south froze up (if you get what I mean). "Axel!" Roxas scolded, but it came out as a groan.

But the boy in question didn't care. He distracted Roxas's mouth with more kisses while he tickled somewhere Roxas thought wasn't appropriate. But despite what he thought, Roxas giggled. With a soft sigh, Roxas stopped kissing long enough to feel Axel stroke and massage his length is a playful way. But then he slid his hand back up and grabbed Roxas's arm. He tugged the blonde boy into him as he rolled onto his back, hugging the younger boy in a pathetic, clingy way. Axel started to cry slightly again because he knew that pleasure now won't satisfy a broken heart later. Softly, and with a quaking voice he whispered in Roxas's ear, "Tomorrow you'll be someone else, but for tonight … you're **mine**."

Roxas felt warm wetness on his hand as he reached to touch Axel's face. He was crying again. And without meaning to, Roxas began to cry, too. "I know." He laughed a little nervously, "And since 'I'm yours tonight' … I'll do whatever you say."

"Whatever I say, huh?" Axel smiled, wiping away his tears. He felt Roxas nod, and after one last squeeze of a hug he released him and muttered, "Then roll over."

Roxas obeyed, not completely sure what Axel was going to do, although he had an idea. He felt slightly shaking hands slip his boxers down, and then a pause while Axel did the same for himself.

"This might hurt..." the pyro warned softly. "But it shouldn't too much."

Roxas nodded again, but Axel took no notice. Then something hard entered him, and he bit his lip to hold back a yelp. It felt hot and foreign, hurting in a dull way. But as Axel eased in and out, pressing against him, his eyes glazed over and his breathing became ragged. He let out a muffled groan into the matress, his face getting hot and his back beginning to perspire. Roxas felt a little guilty, realizing that he was no longer a virgin, but it's not like his actions affected anyone else, not even Sora. A few droplets fell on his back, and he guessed them to be more tears from Axel. But at least on his last night with his lover he gave himself away.

And Axel felt the same. It felt good in more ways than one to do what he was doing... but the main pleasure wasn't from his thrusts but instead his half heart, which for once he could feel banging in his chest, overjoyed that it was with the one it loved. - Even if it was only with it for a few more hours.


	26. The Haunted Mansion

An alarm went off and Roxas struggled to pry himself free of Axel's unconscious embrace to shut it off. When he finally had he sat on the edge of the bed, his blankets entangled around his waist. He reached over and pulled back his curtain, a navy blue sky greeting him. Sunrise would be in about an hour, and it didn't take that long to use a portal to get to Twilight Town an to the haunted mansion.

With a sigh Roxas stood, the blankets falling off of him; which, when he felt the cool air and looked down, he remembered that he wasn't wearing any underwear, thanks to what he said to Axel about 'doing whatever he said'. Slowly a pang of regret weighted down on his chest, but Roxas pushed it away. _I actually don't regret it since I'll probably never get the chance again. With Axel or anyone else_, he explained to himself.

Roxas wanted a shower but realized it'd make too much noise this early in the morning, so he yanked on his clothing. Before walking out his bedroom door he stole a glance at Axel's sleeping form. Hesitantly, he walked back and quickly gave the sleeping redhead a kiss on the cheek. Then, a little sadly, he walked out of the room without waking him or saying a word.

It was strange walking down the familiar streets of Twilight Town in the early morning before dawn. It felt so cold without being cold, and it felt lonely and empty since all the houses' lights were off and everyone still asleep, leaving no sounds around anywhere.

When the lone blonde stranger came onto the mansion property, the could immediately see a tiny light coming from one of the downstairs windows, illuminating the giant padlock on the front gate. Roxas took out a keyblade and pointed it at the lock, a thin white-blue sparkling beam shooting and destroying the lock with a sort of shimmering explosion. Sighing, Roxas pushed on the gates and they swung open, leading him down the front walkway towards what felt like his doom.

It wasn't long until he came to a study in the downstairs with tall bookcases on the walls and a giant chair resting in the center of the room. There was a golden inscription on the table. Roxas frowned and picked up a piece of nearby golden chalk and scribbled on the strange design. Suddenly it lit up and the floor shook slightly beneath him. A little frightened he ran to the edge by the wall and watched in awe as the floor and table disappeared and stairs leading down to a large, secret metal room lay in front of him. Cautiously he stepped down the stairs and turned to find a door...

After walking in he saw a computer and a teleporter and large monitors with a chair in front of them. A little tug of pain – like he used to get (what felt like so long ago) with the memories – shot through his brain as he recalled a voice saying, **_"This one is the Nobody of that keyblade wielder; he would prove very useful to your Organization, Xemnas. Let us erase his Twilight Town memories, though, else they would distract him and keep him from joining you." "Yes, DiZ, I agree."_**

So it was DiZ and Xemnas who made him think he had amnesia. So they were the reason why he didn't remember Hayner or Pence or Olette until that one day he was with Axel … So it was their entire fault! And, above all, it happened _here_. In this very room.

After the headache went away with the memory, Roxas became furious and thrust out his had for his keyblade. He ran over to the computer and large monitors. His fury of everything that has happened recently paired with the anger of that newly-remembered memory, the teen smashed it all to bits. The monitors, the keypad, even the chair … flattened by the might of his fury and sword-like weapon. "Take _that_, DiZ," he muttered to himself with a satisfied smirk.

Behind him, a door opened suddenly. With a raised eyebrow he stepped through it, not knowing what to expect.

It was only a hallway, but along one side he saw a row of white pods. He went closer, daring to look at what was inside of them...

"Donald?" he said slowly, peering into the face of a sleeping duck. "And … Goofy?" he said as he looked to another pod and found the tall dog within it. There were other pods as well, but they were empty. They lead down a rail towards a room …

Which he saw a door for passed the pods. "This is it," he said, drawing himself up. "I can feel it. I can feel … Sora." _Just like that Saix had asked me that day in Twilight Town, _Roxas remembered. _'Can you feel Sora?' Well, I can now, douche bag. _

Roxas pulled open the door, and took a step inside. He whispered to himself: "Whatever happens now, happens. I can't change it. This is what was left unfinished … this is what I have to do. It wasn't something I had to do before I left … it's something I'm doing. I have to be brave enough. I have to trust that Sora will find all the answers I couldn't. Maybe I can help guide him, in the end. But for now … he's waiting for me."


	27. What The Letter Said

Axel woke with a start, after having another nightmare. He had dreamt that Roxas was possessed by something and had said, "Since you can't kill yourself for me, then I'll just kill you myself."

Axel wiped the cold sweat off his forehead and tried to forget the dream. Vaguely he thought Roxas had kissed his cheek after killing him in the dream, but maybe that was the real Roxas saying good morning. Axel smiled and turned, reaching out for the blonde. "Morning to you too –" but his hand touched nothing.

"Roxas?" the pyro said with slight panic. "Roxas?!" he called louder, getting up (forgetting that he was naked) and switching on the light.

The room was empty.

Axel jogged over to the white curtains and pulled them open.

Pinky-yellow light greeted him, showing that it was dawn … and that any last attempts to keep Roxas here were lost.

Axel collapsed on the floor, tears filling his eyes. "Couldn't he have at least woken me up before he left?"

But then Axel remembered something: the thing Roxas had been writing last night. He said Axel couldn't read it until morning … which it was now.

His spirits up a little he got up and went over to Roxas's desk to see a sealed envelope with his name scrolled across the front.

Eagerly, his tore it open and began to read...

* * *

When Roxas walked in through the door inside the basement of the mansion, he saw Namine waiting by a very large pod that reminded him of a white flower bud. Next to her, though, was someone Roxas recognized to be DiZ from Namine's drawing (which was still hanging in his room, he remembered).

"Good to see that you were wise enough to come on your own," DiZ remarked as Roxas walked a little closer. "Otherwise we'd have to drag you here ourselves!" he added with a light chuckle.

"You think it's funny, do you?" Roxas said darkly. "Well, I'm not laughing!"

Roxas took out Oblivion and charged, anger towards DiZ being his guide. Namine cried out, "No, don't!" but he didn't pay attention.

The agry teen slashed at the middle of DiZ's robes, hoping to …

But the blade of his key went right through, a digital mesh of squares scattering about for a minute before coming back together.

"What…?"

"I tried to warn you," Namine whispered.

"I apologize," DiZ said flatly, "But I couldn't be here in person. Business got in the way, you see. But this is a live transmission, so don't fret about that."

"Argh!" Roxas bellowed in frustration, lamming his keyblade onto the floor. It rematerialized into his hands, like he knew it would. "Damn you, DiZ! Because of you and Xemnas I lost my memories of Twilight Town for a while, and because of you two and your plans for Sora I'm cutting my life short with everyone I care about! DAMN YOU!"

"Now Roxas, is that any way to act? You're behaving like a stubborn child. You're almost a grown man! Try acting your age, will you?" DiZ's hologram scolded.

"Roxas-san," Namine said quietly, "Come over here for a second and look inside this pod."

"It's Sora, I know."

"But you've never seen him before. And I didn't draw him that well for you. So, please … calm down for a second and look, Roxas-san."

Roxas sighed and sent one last angry glare at DiZ before walking passed the hologram to Namine, who was in front of the pearly-white pod in the middle of the spacious room.

* * *

Axel had never cried so hard before in his life, let alone so much as he had in these past few days. But after reading and re-reading Roxas's letter to him Axel found himself bawling like a child in the wee hours of the morning.

The letter had said,

"_Axel-sama,_

"_I want to apologize first before I start rambling, because I know that I purposely didn't wake you up before I left this morning. It's not because I don't … love you … or anything, but it's actually because, well … it would've made me hurt more to see you do something like cry or beg me to stay. I knew you probably would have resorted to this in the end, and if I would have seen it … I might do something stupid. So, before I start to ramble, I wanted you to know why I didn't wake you._

"_Okay, I guess it's time to 'pour my heart out onto the page' and start rambling. If I get mushy or stupid, just forget it and keep reading, because I have a lot to say, even if it's nothing at all._

"_I'm going to start back when it all began, as in the first round of memories. You know that day you gave me a noogie? Well, apparently Riku (one of Sora's best friends) gave Sora one too, and so that's how it started. I realized over time that whenever I thought about my friends – meaning you – it brought a memory of Sora's friends, meaning Kairi and Riku. Because of the memories I almost feel like they're my friends too, although distant friends from the past or something. But you get it, right? You were the reason for a lot – not all, but still a lot – of my memory restoration. You and my feelings for you were the key, it seemed, which was a little strange but made some sense._

"_About the memories … they hurt, you know. You witnessed their pain that one morning a few days ago. But … I didn't mind them, not really. For a while I was mad and confused, but after talking with Namine – who, as you know, is the one restoring Sora – things became clearer. She couldn't tell me a whole lot but she made me feel better about them. Although I still wonder if maybe becoming more like Sora was why I felt better. You noticed, right? You noticed how I was … different? Demyx described it as 'a little more smiley'. 'Less of an emo kid', is what he meant. Which I know I sort of was for a long time: angsty, unhappy-seeming. And I'm sorry for that too, because a few times in the beginning when I first joined the Organization I was … well … mean to you. And cold towards everyone else. Again, gomen._

"_For the longest time I knew that a heart wasn't something you can see; and I began to wonder if it was something you can't feel, either – as in, your heartbeat. And for a while (although I did question it) I thought that maybe Xemnas was right and we don't even have hearts. But I figured something out … we're half a person, right? So we have half a heart. Their heart, most likely, which is why I need to complete Sora, but still … it's in our bodies, right? So it's our half, for now._

"_I don't know what it's going to be like to complete Sora, I don't know where I'll be or what I can do or what it'll be like. Maybe it'll be like sleep. Maybe it'll be like a dream. Maybe it'll be nothing at all. But either way, I'll still be gone in a sense. But I think that, if you ever see Sora, you can do what you said you'd do and 'reach out to me', or 'call out to me', and I think you're right … I'll hear you, and I'll feel you. I'll be reaching, too. And calling. Maybe Sora will let me speak. Maybe he'll let me reach. _

"_Just now I started to cry and you held me. Because after that last paragraph you made me stop writing for a second, and you told me about that spell. To tell you the truth, for a passing moment I wanted you to do it. And I wanted it to work. But then logic took over and I realized that if it did work that means Xemnas would figure out that you 'interfered' like he hadn't wanted you to, and then … you might die. Which is why I started to cry. Because you dying would be more painful for me than if I would have woken you up and you would have begged me to stay._

"_I'm nearing the end of my rambling now because my head's too full of other things to get my words out onto the paper properly. But … I wanted you to know … how I felt. And some of the things I'd been thinking about._

"_And I wanted you to know that I –_

"_With love,_

"_Roxas."_


	28. My True Name Is Sora

Roxas gasped as he peered into the glass at his Somebody. "He … looks a lot like me."

Namine nodded, but all of a sudden Roxas couldn't see anymore. A pain shot through his mind as a secret meeting that he had, as Roxas, with someone: **"You have arrived," said a cloaked figure. "I've been to see him … he looks a lot like you." Roxas answered, "Who are you?" "I'm what's left … or, maybe I'm all there ever was," replied the figure. Roxas responded, "I meant you name." "My name is of no importance. What about you? Do you remember your true name?" **

"My true name … is …"

"Say it," DiZ said behind him. "Call out his name."

Namine looked down, a tear rolling down her face. "Yeah, Roxas-san," she whispered. "You have to do it. You have to connect your hearts."

"My true name … is … Sora. – Sora?" he repeated slowly, putting his hand on the glass.

"Sora," a voice said in the brunette's mind. "Sora?" it said again, beckoning to him.

His eyes cracked open as a dim light showed a blonde boy in the distance. The boy turned to him and took a few steps closer. "I'm coming, Sora," said the boy in a playful tone, one you might use when you tell a friend to 'catch up!' and they say, 'I'm coming!'

"I'm coming, Sora," Roxas smiled, the pod opening up automatically. Roxas took a few steps forward.

DiZ's hologram gave a twisted smile and disappeared. Namine cried softly. "I'll see you soon, Roxas-san. I promise."

Roxas nodded to her, his head feeling light and airy. He smiled funny, know that his time was about out.

"Hey!" Sora called to the blonde boy. It was a dream, he knew, but it was nice to meet someone in a dream. He waved to the boy. "Come here so that I can see your face! Who are you?"

"Hey!" Sora called to him, waving his hand. Roxas began to fall into a dream, everything black around him. He knew that he wasn't standing in the pod anymore.

He was in Sora's mind, in his dreams.

The blonde came closer to him, and Sora smiled. Two bright blue eyes under spiky blonde hair stared at him. "That's funny," Sora said, cocking his head. "You have my eyes."

And then they boy was gone, and Sora opened his eyes.

He stretched and yawned, feeling disoriented in the way you do when you sleep far too late, like over 12 hours.

"Hey, Sora …"

"Wake up, Sora!"

Sora looked and saw Donald and Goofy in front of him.

"Hey, you guys!" he squealed, jumping out and hugging them both.

Outside the sun rose higher into the sky, turning the pink sky slowly blue.


	29. Epilogue: The Next Life

**You all know the story from there …**

But now you will be led you fifty years after Sora's natural death at a ripe old age. He had lived long and pleasantly, being a hero when King Mickey had called on him. And he and Kairi had gotten married at one point, having two kids. One child of his was said to be destined to be a keyblade master …

Fifty years after that life, in another universe where the worlds Sora knew were only movies by a thing called Disney, there were two twin brothers who went to a school in the suburbs near Detroit, Michigan.

They were freshman in high school, both of them fourteen years old. One boy was blonde and the other a brunette, which means they weren't identical, but they shared the same radiant blue eyes.

Sora, the brunette and slightly older of the two, was out in the practice field by the school one Saturday afternoon. Roxas, the blonde and slightly younger of the two, was with him. They were standing hunched over and face-to-face, in the common position you might use for wrestling.

"Ready? One … two … three!" Roxas said, charging forward. Their bodies met and quickly Sora was pinned down on the grass.

"Dammit!"

"You know, Sora, if you want to impress Kairi by joining the wrestling team and winning some matches, you have to have some talent first," the blonde laughed, getting off his brother and pushing his shoulder.

"Oh you're so funny," Sora retorted, dusting some grass off of his pants. "But I do have some talent; I can wrestle and win against Demyx, and he's a junior!"

"But he's your friend. How do you know that he's not letting you win? But I guess age and friendship doesn't matter since Riku is your friend and only a sophomore and he beats you quicker than I do!"

"But Riku's stronger than you and he likes to show that off. And … he's better than both of us combined at everything."

"You have a point there," Roxas laughed. He gave his brother a punch in the arm. "Now c'mon, you have to keep practicing if you want to make the team."

"I'm starting to wonder if dropping soccer was such a good idea," Sora whined, getting back into position.

"Ohmigod, wait a second!" Roxas said while smacking his forehead. "We're so stupid! You don't have to do wrestling to impress her … you could do football! That has lots of running, right? And you were the fastest runner on your team!"

"Do you have no memory at all?" Sora joked. "I was the fastest runner of the whole county; no team could beat me!"

"Right! So why not be quarterback or running back on the football team? Tryouts are next week, though."

"That's fine with me!" Sora said with a smile. "I can't believe we didn't think of this earlier."

Roxas shrugged. "It's only the beginning of the year. Well, Monday is the first day of school, anyway."

"We have to tell Mom and Dad! Dad will probably like me better in football, too. He thought wrestling was kind of gay."

"Well it is! Men on top of each other? Completely gay."

"Utterly gay."

"Gayer than that senior Marluxia," Roxas countered.

"Ooh, I can't top that," Sora replied while laughing. "You win this time." (It was an unspoken game of theirs to see who could think of a worse comeback.)

They boys walked off the field and headed for home, which was a few blocks away. After walking for a while suddenly Roxas said, "Hey, what's that?" as he pointed to a moving van about a block away from their house.

"Oh, that's that new family Mom was talking about. They bought the old Stanson place. I heard they have a son who's gonna be a senior this year, but he's already 18. He failed his senior year last year, the dumbass."

"Maybe he just didn't care."

"Yeah, like you last year! You almost didn't graduate middle school!" Sora scolded.

"I still did, though, didn't I? – Anyway, who cares? It's none of our business if the guy is stupid or lazy or a rebel." Roxas said a he turned and began to walk away.

"Oh, speak of the devil. Roxas, come back. He's pulling into the driveway now." Sora teased.

Roxas sighed and turned around to see a black Nissan with airbrushed flames on the hood come to a stop in the driveway. A tall boy with spiky, dazzlingly red hair pulled back into a short, messy ponytail walked out of the vehicle. He clicked a button on his keychain and the car made a noise, signaling that it was locked. The new guy started up the walk to the front door.

The blonde twin frowned. "He seems familiar."

"Maybe you saw him on the news as a juvenile delinquent, since that what he dresses like! I mean, look at those chains on his pants, and the worn-down black leather jacket, and the spiked choker necklace. He's a regular punk!"

"And what would that make you, a jock?" Roxas muttered under his breath. But the blonde thought he knew the guy's name. Before he walked into the house, Roxas called, "Heya Axel!"

The redhead stopped in his tracks. He turned around to find two younger boys on the street in front of his new house. He stared hard at the blonde one. "Do I know you?"

Sora tugged on his twin's sleeve. "Yeah, do you? No one knows these people's names! How do you know his?"

"It just … came to me. He seemed like … an Axel." Roxas replied slowly, a confused frown on his face.

"I said, do I know you? How'd you learn my name?" the new guy repeated, coming down the sidewalk a little. "You ain't no stalker, right?" he smirked, the black triangular tattoos below his eyes seeming to wink.

"No, I just … have we met before?"

"You tell me, you're the one who knew my name."

"I … uh … never mind. C'mon, Sora, let's go home. Mom's probably getting worried," he said as he began walking away.

"See ya, dude!" Sora called as he jogged to catch up to his brother.

Axel frowned. He felt like he knew those two. Maybe he imagined it. Did that kid say his name was Roxas? Because that's what Axel thought of as soon as the kid left. "Leaving me again, huh?" he said aloud. Axel clamped his hand over his mouth. "Where'd that come from?"

Sora ran ahead of Roxas and jogged backwards. "What the hell was that all about? Talk about awkward moments and bad first impressions," he joked. But he saw Roxas's had face and turned serious. "Hey, you okay?"

"It was weird, Sora; I felt like I knew that guy. I mean, I see his hair and watched the way he walked and a name popped into my head. And how weird is it that I was right?"

Sora shrugged. "I dunno. But I know what you mean … come to think of it, when Riku first moved in when we were four-year-olds, I felt like he'd been my friend for a long time already." He shrugged again. "I dunno. I could have imagined that feeling. Maybe you're imagining things, too."

"Maybe." Roxas replied, a thoughtful frown on his face. _And maybe there's something I'm missing … _

The brunette punched his arm. "Forget about it. How 'bout a soda and some Saiyuki Reload? It's gonna be on in about ten minutes."

"Sure," Roxas replied, "Mindless anime and caffeine … the perfect combination for a distraction from reality, right?"

"Totally."


End file.
